Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

I think people are being unkind on here.
A cruise summons up visions of luxury boats with several pools lots of lovely food , on board entertainment.
Going to Amsterdam and Bruges sounds more like a mini cruise with British style weather.
Amsterdam and Bruges are both lovely. 1 day in Amsterdam isn't long enough to see everything though.
Hopefully the ship will be great too.
It will be a lovely holiday but it's a long way from a beach holiday and if he knows how much you love the beach and pool and hot weather it is an odd choice.
So I get your disappointment- its been built up to being a big holiday to celebrate a big occasion ( turning 30 definetely feels like a milestone birthday when you are that age) and you feel your DH doesn't really know your likes / dislikes.
He may have thought it would be nice to do something different or it may be something he wants to do- or might be budget related.
I think it's a lesson learnt that next time you need to talk more explicitly about what you like and what your expectations are.
It's something I've learnt after 25 years of marriage that DH needs hints like bricks aka thinly veiled instructions!
However do make the most of the cruise and enjoy it, you maybe pleasantly surprised and love it.
If budget allows have a week somewhere hot later in the year.

I think you need a little perspective here. Your husband has tried to do something nice. He is not a shit husband.

ive watched videos and the ship looks great. I just don’t want it for my birthday

Oh, for goodness sake, please stop stamping your petualnt feet. By all means tell your husband that you hate your birthday present. I would love to be a fly on the wall when you do so. Book a beach holiday for later in the year. Does it really matter that it isn't on your birthday? Really?

You sound very immature for a 29 year old.

@SheerLucks yup it’ll be no different to London. For his birthday it was t shirt weather well into the evening. It’s 18 degrees max when we go. And a high chance of rain

Honestly some of the comments on this thread remind me of the Bridget Jones film where she was complaining about Darcy's behaviour to the women in a Thai prison!

DH tries to do a nice thing - what an utter bastard 🙄

I would hate a cruise.

Everyone I know who has been on a cruise had a lovely bout of gastro or Covid included.

It's not travelling to dash around a city for half a day. That sounds exhausting. You'd do the obvious tourist stuff, buy a pretzel if you're lucky then it's being marched back onto the floating hotel prison.

OP, if he only booked it yesterday I don't see that they've lost anything to him to cancel today. Maybe the provider offers other packages and you can use the credit.

Crying and questioning your relationship over this is ridiculous. He hasn't wronged you, don't be silly. But deciding that's not how you would like to spend your birthday and having a calm chat about it with your DH is fine.

I'd scrap the surprises from now on. Especially if your neurodivergence means you have trouble with dashed expectations and plans changing- you're not really set up to enjoy surprises are you?

In your position I wouldn’t say anything. This is not a situation where he’s not made any effort. He’s just not picked up on your “clues” and got it wrong. How would you feel if he told you he didn’t enjoy his birthday despite all the effort you made?

I think this is a bit of a lesson learnt that surprises are for people that enjoy new things/experiences and maybe you are more of a planner and like to know things in advance.

My 9 hours on bruge I think we did

Run to get on coach to nearby rail station/buY ticket then get on the 1 train sn hour train JUST
30 min walk to centre
A short river tour
Trip around a chocolate factory
Walk through square
Lunch at some restaurant
Walk back to train to nsne sure we are back in plenty of time to not miss last train /coach
A very busy day! Not relaxing in anyway. Not a place I'd particularly go back to in future.
(An organised tour would be less stressful but much more expensive)

Im not sure what I’d do in your shoes as I’d also feel awful if I upset my other half, but I’m 32, not rich, not spoilt but want to validate how you’re feeling. I would feel the same and it would be tricky to handle. You’re essentially getting a day and a half on holiday (sitting on a ship isn’t a holiday for me but granted that’s my own opinion)
It’s tricky when you can’t figure out if someone’s tried and got it so wrong or just tried to cut corners. This doesn’t mean you don’t love each other and it’s very natural to feel gift disappointment.

Now you just sound rude and petulant as well.
My sympathies are with your dp. Perhaps he doesn't want to go on yet another beach holiday. Perhaps he's worried about the amount of holidays you expect every year and the expense. Perhaps he felt under huge pressure to come up with something different because you kept going on and on and on about your special birthday.

Wow the op sounds insufferable

@Holidaybluees I'm so sorry.

It really is the surprise holiday equivalent of someone buying their partner a bunch of flowers and a card from the local Tescos the night before.

I spent my 50th in September '20 on a weekend away in our touring caravan at a nearby park, sitting outside in the sun (it was beautiful weather), just glad to be away somewhere. Can't even remember what I did for my 30th, I had an 18 month old and a two month old at the time, I barely knew what day it was half the time! 😅

I know what advice everyone will be giving him if he comes on here - LTB.

I get you completely. I understand exactly how you feel and in your shoes I would feel the same. The ONLY time my husband got something like this right was the first Valentine's Day of our marriage and that was a trip to Venice suggested and arranged by his secretary However, on other occasions when he has arranged birthday surprises for me himself and got it completely wrong, I've had to keep quiet about my disappointment as he was so proud of himself I now (over 30 years together) plan my own "surprises" if I want to do something particularly special and if needs must, I do all the organisation myself so that I can be sure it's exactly what I want, as long as it's within our budget.
I hope you find you enjoy the cruise in the end, Amsterdam and Bruges are beautiful cities. Happy 30th Birthday for the day!

I also love the snobby posts about me not liking Bruges but then in the next breath calling me an insta hun that’s a sheep for social media. The irony. I’m individual enough to still not be interested despite it supposedly being as fabulous as some of you claim

Eh? Maybe he should enroll you in night school instead?

Bruges is amazing op! And it's a small place. 9 hours is plenty. The beer, fries and chocolate is amazing. It's such a pretty place. You could do a boat tour through it.

Similarly with Amsterdam.
I actually think that you will enjoy both places. Keep an open mind.

Why not buy a couple of holiday/city guides and read up on them and then you would get a clearer picture.

‘As a result, you need to be extremely grateful if you husband presents you with a bottle of antifreeze and a box of a Milk Tray for your birthday because if not you are a SPOILT GOLDIGGER BRAT. Your post has hit a nerve with loads of posters that you have a boyfriend who has booked you a holiday whilst they picked duds.’

Ha so true. ‘Be grateful because my husband is shit’.

That’s sort of the point though. Neither destination is going to be a hot sun holiday and both can be done on a weekend away.
This way you still get to see both plus you get pools, hot tubs, spas etc the rest of the time. Even if the weathers shite there’s indoor pools and you are travelling to somewhere different. The sun on the water potentially makes it warmer/ brighter than being in a grey city.

You also get fabulous views on the sea. It’s an experience itself being out with nothing but water all around.

People aren’t mind readers.

reminds me of the time we went to a seaside town for a cheap weekend and as we drove past a poster advertising‘ Joseph and the Amazing Dream coat’ I said “oh, maybe we could see a show while we’re here’.

A few hours later my husband went to the shop came back and said ‘I’ve got us tickets for tomorrow night!”

Oh how thoughtful of him!

The tickets were for Roy “Chubby” Brown. 😂😂

For younger posters he is a 70s style stand up comedian who is racist, sexist and everything else you can think of, and he was well past his sell by date by this time.

But I said I wanted to see a show so AIBU? Discuss.

to be fair OP and now that I read it is Belgium and Amsterdam I will feel a be disappointed too; it looks like you went all over town last year and spent lots if money and he just got a short break cheap deal. Is he a good parboil otherwise? Does he earn a good salary? Maybe he doesn’t like to spend as much and you have to lower your expectations and if you want to spend so much treating him don’t expect the same; I am sure you also enjoyed your holiday last year

Bloody hell OP! I'd be skipping to the moon and back if I'd had a birthday gift that fabulous! Do you know what my XH gave me for my 30th? Some perfume. And I was thrilled.

Enjoy the cruise. It's a new experience to somewhere you've said you'd like to visit. If you want hot and sunny, book your own 'milestone' holiday in celebration for just before or after.

Stop sulking and be grateful. If you don't want to go, I'll have your ticket!

Except it's really not.

I’d say something, reluctantly, because that’s too much money to spend on a holiday you don’t fancy.

I have no idea why people are banging on about how nice Bruges is (it’s fine, but there’s no sunny beach) or how 30 isn’t a thing (of course it is).

Not going to comment on the appropriateness of the gift but I have done similar trips a couple of times and they are really nice. With planning you can see a lot in a day in these cities and whilst not for everyone, a cruise experience can be lovely. What ship are you going on??

To be honest I had some sympathy with you until you posted this.

Him booking a holiday as a surprise that you would not have chosen doesn't make him a shit anything.

Life is full of minor disappointments. Most of my compromises have had to come post kids.