Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Suck it up, open up your mind you may love it. There will be plenty of other opportunities for a beach holiday relaxing by the pool; that’s not special at all and I think he wanted yo book something different for a change not the same thing you did last year.

I get the feeling you’d have been disappointed even if he had got a beach holiday. It would have been the wrong place or something.

I'm not sure why you're getting a tough time here OP. 30 is a milestone, if it's important to you it's important 🤷. It does sound a bit like a panic buy. If he only did it y'day now is the time to discuss it so good luck.

Flights have a 24 hour cooling off period to cancel.

Are cruises the same?

I'd ring and ask them if you're able to and if they say yes I'd tell DH you want to go to a beach.

@Holidaybluees That sounds like a plan! I'd really urge you to try to remember also that the accuracy with which someone guesses your tastes and desires is not a metric of how much they love you. Please don't look at this as a reflection of how much he cares, if the rest of your relationship is good. He's tried hard and just missed the mark - it doesn't "mean" anything about your relationship, so try not to upset yourself about it in that way.

As others have said, lots of people just aren't good at surprises. It just means they're less good at reading people and situations, not that they don't love them. Just as someone with poor eyesight doesn't necessarily not love reading, they just need more help with it.

I’ll see if there is a cooling off period. I’m going to be honest with him later

I think not interested in Bruges is very telling. You do realise it's one of the must stunning and ROMANTIC cities in Europe, right?
Or were you expecting/hoping for Marbella?

For my 40th I was very explicit that I wanted to go to Dubai. I was a travel agent at the time and could get amazing deals. For context for my now ex husbands 4oth I bought a three centre fly cruise to Egypt with all the bells and whistles hot air balloon over the valley of the king's, night boat to Cairo etc. so a big trip. It all went wrong when we arrived at Gatwick and went to the Flybe check-in desk. I knew at that moment we were going somewhere in the UK. My suitcase was packed with Summer clothes, my birthday is in November!

To make matters worse he had mistakenly booked flights for the previous day and we had missed the flight. So he has to buy them again, but we had lost in night of the hotel. The flight had now cost as much as going to Dubai. So off we went to Jersey, for two nights, a place I had visited several times. He had booked a BandB in the outskirts of St Helier with nothing in walking distance. I was fuming and we ended up having a massive row, the b and b had a wedding on so we couldn't eat and the bar was showing the X factor on TV. He wanted to watch football so took a taxi to town and went to a sports bar and got so pissed he left his card behind the bar. The next day before we went home we had to try and get his card back so got to do precisely nothing. So one night in jersey Vs the two weeks in Dubai I thought I was getting. I went back to work on the Monday. It wasn't a money thing as we were comfortably off it was a lack of care and inattention to what I would enjoy. Unbelievably this wasn't the final straw, that came about three months later.

So I understand how you feel.

I have zero interest in Bruges

Really? It's a beautiful city.

You just make yourself sound dimmer and more insta-hun with every post!

I've honestly never come across anyone who doesn't like Bruges.

How is it a panic buy? Her birthday is not until the summer!

To be fair it sounds like one of those cheap ferry trips - hardly a cruise when it's just 1 night. I can see why you are disappointed when you were expecting something completely different.

My experience is men are not as good at picking up on subtle hints as women when it comes to choosing gifts etc.

I'd just go and make the most of it, if you complain or ask if he can get a refund, you will come across very ungrateful.

Maybe he tried to go for something different on purpose seeing as it's a special occasion.

If I were him I’d find a new wife rather than a new holiday.

To me, this illustrates one of the problems of having a relationship. They don't do exactly what you want! When you are in a relationship, the person sometimes makes decisions, chooses things and behaves not exactly as you want them to- like picking a different necklace than you would have chosen, or taking you to a restaurant that isn't your fave.

That's also the BENEFIT of being in a relationship. It stops you being petty and makes you realise that you carry your happiness with you.

I could go on but I'm wasting words...

Yep. Just smile and never let your own needs and wants be known!

@laclochette I’ve calmed down and realised he does know me he’s just not great at surprises! I love gift giving and have been told I’m great at it but I understand not everyone is that way inclined. He’s fabulous in every other way and I love him more than anything. Definitely no more surprise trips in future!

I doubt the budget of £2000 would be enough for a cruise to the destinations OP has in mind. I’m surprised you can get a 5* all inclusive anywhere for that price at the moment tbh!

I’m sorry it’s not exactly what you hoped for. However personally I wouldn’t say anything and I would try to embrace the positives if the same happened to me. It’s a new experience and a chance to visit new places that you have never been, rather than doing the norm beach holiday that you can do any time
Amsterdam is amazing to visit and if you’ve got a full day plus an overnight stay 6pm-6pm from itinerary) then that is a nice amount of time to see key places and take in the culture. I’ve never been to Bruges but I’ve read it’s beautiful to visit as well. This is also a chance to see whether you would like to book a longer trip in the future.
The boat you are sailing on has a pool and you would be able to take in the sun as well.

But OPs DH has booked a cruise...... hardly like your experience is it?

@PersephonePomegranate23 im dim yet you can’t fathom me not liking something you and your friends like? Interesting

Did you mean that to sound to patronising?

Mmmm. It does sound a bit shit. Is there a big discrepancy in terms of cost and quality and length of time between what you bought him and what he bought you?

Did he just book a groupon deal last minute because he couldn't be arsed, left it until the last minute or is tight?

Or is it more that that's all he can afford and really wants to go to these places with you?

I'd ask him. 'i was definitely surprised that you booked this. What made you decide on this???' See where it gets you.

It's hardly not listening to her or doing what she wants when a) she made crappy hints about sand in her toes instead of asking for what she wants and b) one of the destinations is one on her holiday list!

I cruise all the time, you can nearly always switch to a different cruise with the same company for an amendment fee.
Pools vary on each ship, a lot have a solarium so you can enjoy a pool and jacuzzis in all weathers. Many have spas as well.
When are you going? I did my first cruise for my 40th (to a hot destination) and fell in love with cruising. They are such fun particularly the evenings and if you like live music.
Look into the possibility of changing it to for example a Greek island cruise then you can get your beach days fix. I do understand about this as I love to have a certain numbers of days each year on a warm beach and swim in the sea.

Two nights she said he had booked, one in Amsterdam and one in Bruges so yes it's similar.