Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

You're teary?!? TEARY?!

🙄

OP, this is Mumsnet. It’s full of women who work full time, run the home, push out the babies and don’t even a decent Christmas present from their loser husbands. As a result, you need to be extremely grateful if you husband presents you with a bottle of antifreeze and a box of a Milk Tray for your birthday because if not you are a SPOILT GOLDIGGER BRAT. Your post has hit a nerve with loads of posters that you have a boyfriend who has booked you a holiday whilst they picked duds. Ignore the nastier comments.

For what it’s worth- that sounds like absolute shite and the sort of thing my Nan does because she’s not up to long distance travelling. I wouldn’t be happier either. A Eurostar break with a few days in an actual city would have been much better if you were staying in Western Europe.

However- i think this is an unfortunate suck it up situation. I doubt it’s massively expensive in the realms of how £££ holidays can be.

I would take a look at the calendar one night, and ask when you are doing to do your sun holiday so you can start researching. That the cruise will be a lot of fun, but you need some sun in your bones and you had anticipated your birthday holiday to be similar to his. Perhaps a conversation will come from there, or you’ll just end up booking 2 weeks in Mexico. Win win.

Next time when you have such clear expectations of how you want something to go, you NEED to communicate beforehand. Make it absolutely crystal clear about what you want.

I hear what you are saying about ‘him not really knowing you’, and that’s fair and something to be aware of if you start getting dissatisfied in other ways. But seeing as you haven’t written that he’s a massively selfish prick- I’d chalk this up to crossed wires.

Perhaps he thought if he booked ‘like for like’ it would seem like he hadn’t put much effort and thought into it as he would have been copying your idea!?

He’s taken into consideration everything you’ve discussed in the past, city breaks, cruises etc and maybe thought that doing something a bit different would make it a bit more special?

Can you maybe ask him why he booked those locations? Is it going to be warm so you can enjoy the pool and stuff on the cruise?

Tell him. That won't have cost much and even if he loses the deposit it's better than going somewhere you don't want to.

I think 30 isn't a big birthday though. I don't know anyone who thinks it is so maybe just go with an open mind.

It depends what cruise line you go on. The last one i went in the over 18 area as families were everywhere and I'm 42 and want some peace. 🤣

Oh dear. How pathetic and ungrateful. He should cancel IMO and let you do your own thing.

Honestly, can't get over how childish and self-centred this is.

I’m not one for detracting by shouting first world problem at everything but surely this is the epitome. The tone of your sad, teary posts is so incredibly cringe. From your insistence that 30 is a milestone birthday (it’s not) to the tragedy that is that you won’t get that hit of hot air stepping off a plane. Your poor husband has tried to do something nice but there honestly is no pleasing some people so ultimately he will just stop trying in time. You need to address this attitude before it comes a m problem. I speak as somebody who had to come to the same realisation but after years of frankly ingratitude for all the nice things my husband tried to do for me.

I had a Chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine for my 30th 😁 perspective op, perspective.

Yes! It's such a weird thing and I've only ever seen it on here.

Ok he’s out at the moment but I will ask him what excited him about this trip and why he picked it and take it from there. I know it comes across badly but I’m upset with what he’s picked. I gave him clues, even mentioned I love the way sand feels beneath my feet! But I obviously wasn’t clear enough. He’s not a bad man, he’s amazing but he just hasn’t got this quite right. It’s just not a bit of me in the slightest. I’m hoping we can salvage it as I don’t think I can suck it up. The resentment/guilt about feeling resentful will eat me alive

Pot, kettle, black?

I can see why you're disappointed too. But I must say that having such high expectations of the holiday and of him was setting yourself up for disappointment of some kind. The pressure of being both the gift giver and the gift receiver was huge. How could it ever meet your expectations? I think, in the nicest way, you've been blinded by what relationships are 'supposed' to be and forgotten that you actually can't ask someone to read your mind for your birthday. Or if you do, you'll be disappointed. If you really really want something, don't rely on someone else to be able to bring what exists in your imagination into full glorious technicolour. You've got to do it yourself.

@Shiningout

your choice 🤷‍♀️

what you are happy to accept is of no relevance to op

And I simply don’t care if you don’t think 30 is a milestone birthday. It definitely is to a lot of people and it is to me.

The resentment will eat you alive - about not having the holiday you wanted? Is the milestone birthday your 10th?

Genuinely can't believe you are weeping over a thoughtful and expensive gift. Says so much about you. Life must be extremely difficult for the people around you.

We did Amsterdam and brugge on Celebrity. It was ace. Virgin look ace. Really tempted to book it personally

But you haven't been yet? How do you know he hasn't arranged a cake (or any other extras which would be acceptable to you) during the trip?

If you wanted something specific you should have said rather than messing around dropping silly hints.

One year for my birthday my DH wanted to book a surprise trip. He told me about it just before he booked and I confessed I had no interest to go where he planned and we went somewhere else instead and it was wonderful. Some couples are not great with surprises!

I think on balance I would confess how you are feeling with a lot of gratitude. It will help him know you better in the long run. He also may be able to change it without losing much. It sounds to me like he booked something out of the ordinary on purpose to mark it as a special occasion. Like a beach holiday may not stand out as much. If he can’t change it hope that you go and enjoy it much more than you would expect.

”OP, this is Mumsnet. It’s full of women who work full time, run the home, push out the babies and don’t even a decent Christmas present from their loser husbands. As a result, you need to be extremely grateful if you husband presents you with a bottle of antifreeze and a box of a Milk Tray for your birthday because if not you are a SPOILT GOLDIGGER BRAT.”

this is so true! It’s basically INTERNALISED MISOGONY

Posts like this really piss me off.
’Teary’? ODFO.
I wish someone would take me on holiday!

Interested in why you've drawn that conclusion?

I do get some of what you’re saying, my dh has missed the mark in many occasion in terms of presents. Doesn’t mean you’re not grateful, but that it’s not quite what you envisaged - usually these gifts are exchangeable or returnable though!!
With a holiday though you’re gonna have to suck it up. I’m sure you’ll have a good time & you never know, you might love the other place!
Dh has only ever booked one surprise weekend trip for a wedding anniversary, I feel holidays are more of a mutually agreed thing! Maybe that’s the way to go in future?