Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Suck it up! He’s booked aimed new he thinks you will like and clearly thinks the cruise experience will be special and memorable

Your DH did something nice for you. He may have missed the mark, but perhaps he was trying to do something different.

just go with good grace and an open mind. It’s good to try something new. You might love it.

I booked a cruise as a surprise for my DH’s 40th. He’d never mentioned going on one before, so it was risky, but we both loved it, and have cruised many times since.

Perhaps you’ll end up loving it. Virgin Voyages are supposed to be great, and it will give you a good idea of whether you want to do more cruises in the future.

People are being so disingenuous that they simply have never heard of people celebrating a 30th. Having to google the concept. Oh the shock! 😂 It is embarrassing.

Yes it’s not quite a 21st or a 50th but it’s still a ‘thing’ for many.

2k for a 5-star adult only beach holiday in the summer is a fantasy unless you're going for three nights or something.

I would guess money is partly why he's gone with a modest cruise. And perfectly sensibly too

Your life doesn't sound as if it's short on holidays OP, so why are you making such a fuss about this one? It does sound as if you are disappointed that you can't boast about the super duper holiday your dh booked for your 'milestone' birthday. It all sounds very shallow.

@gothicomedy piss off. I don’t brag about my holidays to anyone.

Well said! I can't help but feel sorry for the poor guys married to these women.

Well you should have chosen it yourself then. Mist people would associate a cruise with a special birthday, more than a beach holiday .

@anythinginapinch that’s why I said we could go after summer as it would be cheaper and doable. We go to places that stay warm for most of the year

Given the endless parameters, 'clues' and budget you gave him, how was a holiday ever going to be a surprise? Why not just tell him where you wanted to go?
But, he actually has surprised you be completely disregarding your wish-list. So, SURPRISE!!!

Op I’ve been in your shoes in an almost identical situation. I went along with the birthday trip because he was clearly excited about it and was trying to do a lovely thing. It was ok, not the time of my life but still fun. A few months later I engineered a chat about birthday surprises and travel plans and really spelt out how I’d prefer things to be going forward. Touch wood that’s done the trick as it’s never happened again!

I’ve never been on a cruise but I did spend quite a bit of time researching them and virgin voyages looks great. It’s not just the cities but the entertainment and food etc that make a cruise and virgin seem really good. If you haven’t I’d look on YouTube to see the cruise ship you’re booked on, you may change your mind.

Ignore people on here op…they have a strange attitude to birthdays for adults.

‘You should just be grateful he remembered!’ ‘Presents are for kids - grow up and stop being so self indulgent’ that kind of shite

30th birthdays have been a thing for years. Before the current consumerist instagram culture. Some people have such ‘small’ lives on MN that they are unaware of how others lead their lives.

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming not 'most people', only the young What a strange comment.

The milestone birthdays are 18, 21 and any 0 birthday. People can place whatever emphasis on them they wish.

Interesting thread! I have already posted but now I'm changing my mind a bit.

OP is clearly with a decent, thoughtful partner even though he may have missed the mark a bit here. It's not her fault that many others have thoughtless or down right mean or nasty ones. So why should she judge her relationship by those standards?

@ThomasinaLivesHere ive watched videos and the ship looks great. I just don’t want it for my birthday and I don’t want to visit those cities. I have zero interest in Bruges and would like a quick casual trip to Amsterdam

First World problems...🙄

I think where you are going wrong is having the preconceived ideas about what your dh should be getting you for your birthday. You can book holidays to wherever you like anytime. For a special birthday surely he just wants to treat you and have a nice time together. I'm sure he has his reasons for chosing this trip and honestly it sounds like quite a nice couples get-away. Don't say anything to him and try to open your mind and enjoy it. And also book a other holiday to wherever it is you had in mind you wanted to go to for another time. No big deal.

I think you’ll struggle for 5 star all inclusive for 2k to be honest! You did well to get that last year! You might be lucky in Greece.

No experience with Virgin but they’re aimed at the younger market and aim for the ‘insta’ crowd.

A summer cruise to warmer climates would cost around £4K at least and probably more.

Think you need to read your OP back

I agree with you, OP.

When it's obvious you love the heat and beach. Your hints including, beach destinations, hot weather, asking if you could have the window seat on the plane, mentioning how much you love the way the heat hits when you get off the plane, etc.

To then book a cruise to Amsterdam and Bruges is WAY off the mark here.

Yes, they're both lovely places, but as you say, very easy to do a weekend city break to either of these places any time using eurostar. Not big 30th material.

The weather won't be anything like the med. Cruising the channel sounds awful. Where's the heat?! The clear blue waters?!?!

Nah, I'd have to tell him, OP. I'd be disappointed, too. Bruges is a bog standard weekend day trip. Not birthday material. And Amsterdam and Bruges just aren't hot like the med and its SO obvious you wanted heat.

If the cruise was 7 nights in the med, that would be totally different. English Channel, nah.

Look, I can honestly see why you're disappointed. It sounds a long way from what you wanted and tbh it sounds like a very weird trip all round. I can also see the arguement for just throwing yourself into it positively. But I really agree with an early poster who suggested you ask him to explain why he picked it. Not in those words of course...

I'd say, tell me all about it, what's the vibe of the boat, what excited you about Bruges, etc, in an encouraging way, like you're keen to get excited with him. See what you learn. It might be he sees or knows things you don't that change your mind.

What would concern me is that this sounds like a bit of a hen party trip cruise and he may not have realised that. (I might be wrong.) Men can be bad at picking up the sort of clues about the vibe of things that women do, I think.

Also summer in somewhere like Amsterdam and Bruges could potentially be quite stifling and will be absolutely packed with tourists/backpackers.

It might transpire he just hasn't thought about stuff like that... And the penny might slowly drop for him as you talk...

PS - WHERE can you get a 5* European beach hotel for £2000??? Genuinely desperate for your tips here most places I look at in that bracket are £800-1000 a night plus. I need to look elsewhere clearly.

OP I think you should give it a go and then have a chat about having parameters on 'surprises' in the future. I thought I'd hate cruising but I actually really like it.

I've been on an itinerary which has included Amsterdam & Bruges, what you need to do is either book on an excursion or plan in advance. You can easily have a lovely day in Amsterdam, if you want to visit specific museums such as Anne Frank House you can do so in advance, ditto for boat trips etc. 9 hours in Bruges is plenty of time you can either get transport from Zebrugges to Brugge (about 30 mins) and this might be included in your cruise or there is a tram/ train. Bruges is beautiful but small, if you love chocolate it might be the place for you.

Try to see the positives. He's not a bad man, he's just got it slightly wrong.

Well go to the main dining room for a 3 course meal, or the buffet or a speciality dining restaurant. I rarely eat a burger.

If you don't like the destinations, stay on the ship. We didn't get off at Rome this time and it was lovely chilling out.

You may like the cities, you can always pop in for a few hours and go back.