Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

I disagree - The OPs trip for her DH sounds lazy, she just booked the same thing they do all the time. Where is the thought in that. Nothing to make it stand out or differentiate it from every other holiday they go on.

I think you should have led with one night in Amsterdam and 9 hours in Bruges - you might have got more sympathy OP!

If my adult ds organised this for his gf I'd be impressed but they don't have much money and can't afford to go away often. Sounds like you go on holiday a fair bit and money isn't too tight if you've been considering Caribbean cruises. In this context his surprise does sound a bit crap and I understand your disappointment.,

I've been married for 30 years and I still go down the 'surprise me' route when I can't think of anything I want for Xmas/my birthday. And then next time I make sure to make clear suggestions! When I was given something I didn't like I used to take it as a sign of dh not caring/knowing me enough but I've realised it's not that.

I don't think you can say anything now the trip is booked. You may enjoy it. Hopefully you can also afford to book the beach holiday you would enjoy more.

But you've never been on a cruise, so how do you know?

@Rollonsummer24 this is a good idea as I do think it will be rushed to fit a lot in as we have limited time in each city. I don’t know if he can cancel. I want him to but the thought of asking him breaks my heart

His birthday was better planned because you're a better planner than he is.

Surprises like this really only work if you're 100% sure you're on the same page or if you're willing to do literally anything. I would never ever give my husband a budget and tell him to surprise me, much less for an event like a birthday that held significant meaning for me.

The good news is that your attitude will determine whether you have a good trip or a shit one. I don't think I'd have the stomach to tell him I didn't want to go (but would mentally make a note to not have him book surprise trips in the future).

The other good news is that it really doesn't matter where you are on your 30th, but who you're with. You might have a great time. And make sure your next holiday is to the beach.

The issue isn’t the fact he’s booked a cruise, it’s the destinations. I wouldn’t book a cruise to go to Amsterdam and Belgium. We can get there on the Eurostar whenever. I WANT to go on a cruise. I don’t want to go to those cities

And a 4 day cruise from Southampton to Bruge and Amsterdam is generally considered the booze cruise /hen night cruise. Very different atmosphere to most cruises and full of groups wanting to party

Which is not a typical cruise and would be my idea of hell (and I like cruising)

Exactly. We probably won’t get a summer holiday this year but I still think OP is allowed to feel some disappointment.

There is such a race to the bottom on MN and mean-spiritednesss around adults celebrating birthdays!

For my biggest milestone birthday I got absolutely nothing. At the last minute, with no planning or thought, I was taken to an empty, dingy local restaurant where the only thing on the menu I could eat was fish and chips. I walked out.

I have a life limiting condition and may not get to my next “milestone”. That birthday was very important to me.

You are complaining about being taken on a cruise?!

Well now a Virgin cruise is a bit different to say P&O (who i done the trip wiith and who were a bit crap). He has put some effort into this bless him. He'll no doubt inform them in advance it's a special birthday and you'll get a few treats & surprises. I think despite your feelings now you may enjoy your actual birthday which is the most important thing!

Comparison is the thief of joy...

He’s tried hard to do something really lovely for a special birthday, which is a lot more than some DO/DH’s do. You’ve mentioned in the past you would go on a cruise, he knows you like city breaks and it’s to a place you’re wanting to go - he’s listened and picked something that fits the brief. It’s just not exactly what you’d have picked so you think it will be rubbish - stop acting like a precocious princess and sulking about it. Appreciate that someone has done something special for you.

That’s terrible. He sounds awful. I am sorry. Why stay with someone so thoughtless?

@WingsofRain yes I am. I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m so sorry about your illness but your shit husband is your business. I shouldn’t suppress my feelings because you’re married to a wicked man

You are going to have to bite the bullet and tell him it's not what you want to do .

Any cruise is my idea of hell full stop

@WingsofRain you were treated very poorly. That doesn't mean the op can't be disappointed.

You're very fortunate that this is your biggest problem. Maybe focus on that and go into the holiday with an open mind. It doesn't sound like money is an issue so why not book exactly the holiday you want for your 31st birthday? With a few more years under your belt you will realise that this is not a big deal. I have a MUCH more significant (in terms of age; I'm not trying to diminish yours) birthday this year and my husband has not booked me any holiday. I know him well enough to be relieved about this! I also know lots of people who have not been fortunate enough to make it to age so I'm counting my blessings, booking my own treats and happily sharing them with my loved ones.

Why pretend you are sorry? Calling someone a cow is unpleasant. You know that so what is the point of the fake ‘sorry’?

I don't think I could keep quiet about this until the summer, if I had mentioned 5 star all-inclusive and a plane seat, without asking him what the logic is. If he's booked it in a Jan sale which makes it £700 under budget (rather than booking something in a sale which brings it down to the £2k budget, if that makes sense) it does suggest a lack of thought.

I'm planning my 40th and I'd rather do an actual city break in a nicer hotel than normal with some expensive meals than this cruise.

30 is as much of a milestone as 40 and 50, so not sure why people are acting like it's nothing.

Re the cruise missing the mark. I get why you are disappointed but if it can't be changed, I think you should just go with it.

If you are a few days at sea, it is like being in a hotel, you can lie by the pool etc.

So I would approach it as a hotel stay, by the pool, lots of food and drinks, with a wander into the town (Amsterdam/Bruges) on a couple of the days

I think you are always going to be disappointed if you leave the other person to guess what you want and then complain he doesn't know you. He isn't a mind reader.
You need to be fully involved with the decision where to go right from the beginning. Just say exactly what you want. You are adults not children.

From reading your posts, Virgin is exactly the right sort of ship for your demographic. I was worried it was a Fred Olson bargain! It's a party trip.

Yes it’s not something you would have chosen but to be so closed minded is crazy. There could be all sorts of reasons he’s chosen this apart from the destination stops: the size of the cruise, what’s onboard, the route you are going….

If he wasn't going to book it and keep it as a surprise until nearer the time, why on earth didn't he just tell/ask you before booking?

If he just booked yesterday is there a cooling off period where he could get his deposit back?

@BeadedBubbles i have no idea. I’ll try and find out