Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

And for those asking why I let him do a surprise it’s because I gave him the parameters. I thought it would be a sure thing. He knew the budget (2000) and that I wanted 5 star all inclusive with no kids. I said we could go later in the year as my birthday is during the school holidays and flights can be astronomical. All my guesses have included places that are known for beach holidays

Not a victim contest at all - just giving opinions, which OP asked for.

Not my cup of tea either but I think you would hurt him so much if you said anything. I think you suck it up & don’t agree to do surprises again. Start planning your next trip too that’s more to your taste so you can have that to look forward to.

We did a mini cruise to Bruges and only had 5 hours there which was plenty. It’s a small compact city and we loved it. It’s so pretty.

So you basically wanted the surprise to be that he'd booked exactly what you wanted, even though you probably weren't specific enough in your clues for him to do that?

Next time just organise it together.

Not a victim contest at all - just giving opinions, which OP asked for.

Exactly

I've done this cruise and it's not like a proper cruise at all. However just suck it up and learn that surprise holidays should not be part of your agenda in the future! I think it will be exceptionally bad form to say anything to him. Just book your beach holiday for another date. It doesn't matter that you'll be on a ship for your actual birthday, you'll probably have a good time! Plus 9 hours is plenty for Bruge imo. Try and enjoy it!

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I am old enough to be your mother, and when I was 30 it wasn't considered a milestone borthday, just a birthday ending in a zero.

In my circle 30 is a milestone birthday.

Not to those of use who left our thirties years ago.

My husband needs things spelled out to him. He doesn't pick up on hints. It sounds like yours is the same. Just suck it up and try to enjoy it. If you tell him you are disappointed it will cause too much bad feeling. It sounds like a short break, so you can stlll do a beach holiday another time.

Do you have a really nice cabin on the ship? How much less than £2k is it ? Do you think there is an element of your DP not wanting to spend that much ?

@rookiemere its about £700 less

Awful attitude. I feel sorry for the DH. He deserves better.

OP I would not just be disappointed, I'd actually be angry!

A five day cruise to Amsterdam and Bruges...in the summer...for a special birthday.

I actually think he looked at his finances near the booking time and out of obligation picked some special offer that was going at the time.

It really does look like that to me and I think you need to say something.

Your budget is very low for a 5 star all inclusive, a European cruise would probably be one of her few options that would meet that.

I still do not know why on earth you think testing his mind reading skills is better than just booking it yourself or telling him precisely what to book.

Just go on the cruise. There will be plenty of other holidays in your lifetime where you can go on a beach holiday.

Lesson learned OP, you now know you were not clear in your expectations. You will not make that mistake again.

My advice is to go into the trip with a positive mindset. If you are going with the firm I think you are going with, there is a huge amount to do on board and they have a lovely pool. Give it a go.

@SheerLucks he booked it yesterday in the new years sale :( it does feel like finances have played a part.

So, you haven't answered if it's not luxurious enough, but I'll try again and ask is it not expensive enough?
Going from expecting no holiday to a surprise cruise would feel lovely for many, but it seems you've gone from expecting a 'surprise' luxury trip exactly as you imagined (but didn't convey very specifically) to the disappointment of a different (less luxurious/expensive) trip
Definitely stop doing surprises and plan things together from now on.

Just wow really. You don’t suck it up. You enjoy it and appreciate that you have a kind partner who booked you a holiday and a present. You realise others can’t have this in their life so you value you it for what it is and book yourself a beach holiday next year.

Yeah that's not a fun cruise day like touring the med!

English Channel as no flying. Not really sun bathing weather!

Bruges is I recall a 30 min taxi from the port (we did a train there) and stressful to make sure beck in time.

I don't get comments about it being a thoughtful holiday. Booking a uk cruise is zero planning - just pay and go! Very simple. And of course if married op is paying half anyway!
30 year olds may enjoy virgin cruises but i don't think they do that itinerary so its probably an older demographic of 50-60 year olds.

Not the best present for someone.

@SheerLucks angry? 😩

Just curious, have you seen confirmation he has booked it?? Could he be bluffing, so you really are surprised when you go to the airport! Bags packed, passport ready and he whisks you away somewhere more you.

@burnoutbabe yep no flying so no airport excitement. We’re going from Portsmouth

@Holidaybluees I think the problem is that whilst you said you gave "clues" (which is obviously a silly way to book a milestone birthday as you knew exactly wanted-he is not a mind reader) you also mentioned this particular city and wanting a cruise.

I think all of these comments about him not knowing you and booking something you don't want are missing the mark.
He did listen-there were "clues" pointing to cruise and this city-
you had just been on a beach holiday. in his mind a cruise obviously is a special treat and I think he booked based on your "clues" and a desire to give you a special experience. Which I think it is.
I think a beach holiday could be very basic and this is a cool city break.

The problem is you didn't want a surprise.

I would say lesson learned for you-if you have a specific thing you want then communicate clearly and not by "clues".

You are going to be 30 years old and if you want a happy and successful relationship then this is a lesson on how to communicate clearly and discuss what you want otherwise you are going to spend a lot of time disappointed and dissatisfied.

I understand that you are dissapointed but I think it would be rude to say anything. Perhaps that it isnt your usual beach holiday is the point? Maybe your partner wanted to do something different for your landmark birthday. I'd chalk this one up to experience and give birthday suprises a miss next time (I plan all my own birthdays for this reason 😂). Both cities are wonderful and you'll have a lovely romantic time. Why don't you order some lonely plannet books or similar and throw yourself into planning together and getting excited about the trip and whilst your're away you could plan and book the next beach holiday over a bottle of wine (holiday planning is my favourite thing to do on holiday).

It feels as if surprises aren't your thing which is totally fine. But you agreed to a surprise and that is what you've got. I think you need to weigh up whether it's worth disappointing and upsetting him versus putting a smile on your face and deciding to enjoy your holiday. I don't know why he chose something off the mark - I'd guess at it being something different because it's a special birthday (but I disagree with some posters that 30 isn't a thing, many people I know hugely celebrate 30 as did I)

If you go and constantly snipe or be teary that will ruin the holiday for both of you. If you want a level of control over specifics you can't hand planning over. And I think that's what sticks out for me as feeling a bit 'spoilt' or unreasonable. Objectively your husband has put effort in (he didn't just randomly pick it you've said yourself he put loads of effort in). You will only ever be disappointed putting super high standards on people 'getting you' to such a level of specificity while dropping hints rather than clearly communicating

OP, what ship are you going on? I did this itinerary for my 30th. Are you sailing from Southampton?