Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

That does seem wise.
I think there is a self-righteous streak coming out in this thread.

I think you need to give yourself some time to see if you can accept that even though it isn’t what you had in mind it could still be great. You will be able to relax on the ship with your OH and have cocktails looking out on the ocean. It could still be a lovely holiday.
Could you start to research some things you might do in Amsterdam?
You OH will be gutted if you say you’re disappointed. Please don’t.

^^this

Of course everyone is "allowed to be disappointed"/feels how they feel, but you choose how to react and IMO you are being OTT about this, extremely ungrateful and a tad childish - genuinely meant in the nicest possible way: you need to grow up. Go and make the most of it.

Where is all this 'popular culture' depicting world-wide celebrations of a 30th birthday? A single episode of Friends? A fight at the Queen Vic during eastenders? Lots of sad people on tik tok?
Yabu; read some of the mn posts where birthdays have been completely forgotten by 'dp' or rest of family.
Then read media that's less focussed on celebrating oneself and more on how lucky you are compared to those who can't provide heat and food for their 'DPs' 30th birthday

You sound whiny, spoilt and childish.

Maybe the "perfect" holiday you took him on wasn't quite as perfect as you assume. Maybe he wanted to do something special with you rather than just another same-old beach holiday. Maybe he's not a mind reader and thought you were a little more adventurous and adult than you appear to be.

You're very lucky, OP.

Try to enjoy the break

People are being very harsh here. I'd be gutted if my DH booked a cruise for my birthday as it absolutely isn't my sort of thing. Yes, I know being able to haveva holiday is a privilege not everyone has, but it isn't a race to the bottom.

I'd love to go to Bruges, but 9 hours is crap.

YANBU OP.

Amsterdam and Bruges are fabulous cities and very appropriate for a 30th birthday treat.

A new experience is a good thing. A beach holiday is very basic and doing what you have always done is so unadventurous. He probably thought "we already did beach for my birthday let's do something else".

He's done a nice thing. Try and enjoy it rather than making a big dramatic deal about how he doesn't know you at all.

This is not "he bought me a new hoover" levels of inappropriate present.

Also stop getting worked up by milestone birthday and the need to "make memories".

Realise that if you don't cheer up about it then crack and tell your husband you aren't happy you will upset him and your 30th birthday memory is going to be of the time he did something nice and you were ungrateful . Next time you book a trip make it a beach one.

Originally I was with the other posters but
when you said it was Amsterdam and Bruges, I got it. I know the trip you mean.

It's not really a proper 'cruise' like a med cruise. Plus Amsterdam and Bruges are super accessible by plane/train where you could spend more time in them both to properly explore.

It's the worst of each - a non cruise and hardly any time in either of the cities.

I get it op.

YABU and maybe you missed the mark with him for his birthday, and he was expecting something different - he still had a great time.

I get not liking a cruise, but surely if you agree to a surprise then you have to accept you're no longer in control? OP clearly hasn't previously conveyed how much she wouldn't like a cruise.

You've just had a beach and water sports holiday. Embrace doing something different!

You sound spoilt, and you're making far too big a deal of a 30th birthday.

Im aware im coming across badly and I promise im never usually like this but what he’s planned is so far removed from what I want/what we’ve discussed. I gave him clues as he asked for clues and I said nice weather, adults only and all inclusive. We love city breaks but they’re usually a quick casual getaway. Our beach holidays are more luxurious 5 star trips as we don’t have kids so can afford to go the extra mile. The cruise is 5 days with around 18 hours in Amsterdam and 9 hours in Bruges. The rest of the time is at sea. I wouldn’t mind this as a short trip but not for my birthday. It feels too regimented and I like freedom on holiday. I love him dearly but he has missed the mark here and I don’t understand what made him book this as it’s so not me. It’s not because I want something insta worthy, (don’t even post on social media) I’m sad because it’s not me. I’m going to talk to him later and be tactful and kind and make it known I’m so grateful but I’d like us to tweak it a bit. When I’ve mentioned Amsterdam in the past I’ve said I’d like a long weekend there. I’ve never said I’d like to go for a big trip. I didn’t 2 grand on his and this is a lot less. Everything I’ve told him led me to believe the two trips would be like for like.

And I absolutely didn’t miss the mark for his birthday. He absolutely loved it because I hit all the clues he gave me. He loves the country we visited and wanted to explore other parts of it. He loves water parks so we did that. And he loves visiting the old town which we also did. He often reminisces about the trip and the hotel unprompted so he clearly didn’t hate it

30 is a milestone.
you were silly to agree to a surprise holiday when you knew exactly what you wanted
the cruise might be amazing
(but I think a cruise of Amsterdam and Bruges is a very odd choice and I can see why you're disappointed)

@SquishyGloopyBum thats exactly it. We could hop on the Eurostar on any random day and go for a couple of days instead of a few hours. The cruises we’ve looked at in the past are Caribbean cruises not this kind

@Holidaybluees I don't feel that a short cruise contradicts any of the clues you gave tbh. Is it not luxuriously enough for you?

I understand where you are coming from.

I love beach holidays. I always joke to dh if he ever surprised me with a holiday somewhere cold, I'd get straight back on the plane home 😁 I LOATHE the cold!

I think you have 2 options. Ask him what made him choose this particular holiday, then depending on his answer, you could express your appreciation for his efforts and perhaps discuss how you feel about preferring a beach holiday and your reasons why. See what he says.
Or, you could go on this holiday and book your ideal holiday for another time.

I do fear that there is a victim contest sometimes on MN. People would like to think that they have the most useless husbands around while they themselves are super heros. I suspect many on this thread would react in a similar way to you.

I don't think you're coming across badly at all.

Blimey - my husband took me to Miller & Carter for my 30th 😳🤣

Yanbu to feel disappointed- you feel how you feel - but what were you thinking letting it be a surprise?? Just get involved in the booking next time and make sure it’s somewhere yiu like. That’s the only silly bit. No it doesn’t of itself mean that your husband doesbt love and understand you or that your marrriage is doomed. Just say wow that’s so lovely but I’d probably prefer a beach holiday and can we look at changing? And if you can’t then put yourself into a mindset of making the best of it and do the beach next year

I think it's coming across that OP should never have agreed to a surprise because she actually wants to be in control.

Pretty self-evidently, 30, 40 and 50 are big birthdays because you move into a new stage of life, namely your 30s, 40s and 50s.

I would absolutely consider these milestones as big birthdays.