Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

you can get number balloons for any birthday - come on that's not evidence

can't remember what i did for my 30th other than thinking im supposed to be a proper adult now - perhaps try that OP?

I’m going to go against the grain and admit I would be a bit upset too. More from the perspective of him not “getting” what I wanted. I had the same for my 30th when my husband bought me an AMAZING gift but the party was very much not me. I like nice decorations and catered food. He went down the sandwich aisle quite literally. In my experience people ( usually men) often do slightly miss the mark, and it’s nothing to do with their feelings for you. He probably thinks he’s knocked this out of the park.

so what do you do? It depends on your relationship with DH. If it were me I would tell him, rather than dreading it/feeling resentful. Tactfully.

Vile?
For giving an honest answer?
I'd be really interested in how you came to that overreaction.

I don't understand what you mean by it's not the sort of trip I'd choose for a big celebration. Surely you choose something you think your partner will like (budget considered).
Are you disappointed that he's picked something that he should know wasn't what you wanted? Personally I'd hate cruise. Have you ever said you would/wouldn't like a cruise? You've mentioned one of the cities, it's just not quite as you'd like it.
If its something you feel kinda meh, and there was an opportunity to cancel and not waste money I'd probably speak up. If the real issue is you wanted something else instead I think you're entitled and greedy. Either way though you're reasonable being a bit disappointed.

Some more from a very cursory google.

Just because you and your (enormous, multicultural circle) have never ever heard of it, or you personally don’t think it’s worth celebrating, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

You’re being daft, OP. Yes 30 is a big birthday (wtf is going on with this thread on that?! 😂) and maybe this trip isn’t exactly what you’d have planned for yourself but that’s because you didn’t plan it yourself!! It’s lovely that your boyfriend has taken the time to plan this for you and clearly thinks you’ll love it. Go in with an open mind and see it for what it is, a nice holiday for a special occasion with the one you love. Life doesn’t get much better than that. Go on your beach holiday another time, it’ll still be there in the summer or next summer or the next…

Can you afford to also go on an inexpensive beach holiday?

I'm assuming you don't have DCs so can go at any time so you could get a good bargain to somewhere. That way you go on the cruise but also get your beach holiday.

Cool, try walking into a card shop and buying a 34th birthday card, let me know how you get on.

30 is a noteworthy birthday because it feels properly adult. However. It’s not a massive one to celebrate, more personal I’d say.

Have you ever been on a cruise? Not my thing. However, my friends love them.

Also maybe going forward holidays should be discussed and booked together, it's a heck of a big thing to do as a surprise.

As others have said you could really enjoy it.

You know best the situation- and you are allowed to feel upset about it.
It sounds to me like the trip he’s booked is a lot cheaper than the one you booked?
Also, if he only booked it the day before your birthday, not a lot of thought has gone into it…
Speak to him. Better to lose a deposit than resentment build up.

OP, 30 is a big birthday for many people so ignore all the tits missing the point and focusing/picking on the wrong detail. I would say that it's a dangerous game in a relationship trying to surprise and delight each other. Leads to confusion and disappointment when you could save your energy for supporting, respecting, finding common ground etc. Keep an open mind, go on the trip and be grateful he get it his best shot. Don't indulge that 'he doesn't know me at all' thought. It's toxic. What you actually mean is he's not reading thoughts accurately. And for those of your saying men can't read minds, neither can women FFS! I've much more interesting things to think about and learn than every micro preference of my partner.

Just try it. It's something different. You may love it. Turning 30 makes most people feel like a "grown up" maybe he thought it was time to step out of comfort zones and try something new.

I’d hate a cruise and my DH knows it but if you haven’t made that clear, surprise holidays were always going to be a risk. Amsterdam is great and I’m sure Bruges is too. Stop sulking and enjoy it and plan a sunny holiday for later and if you’re quite picky, I suggest you don’t do surprises. Claiming being ND and not handling change well doesn’t stack up with surprise holidays I’m afraid.

I thought you were sounding very ungrateful but honestly that sounds proper shit 😂 is that it?!

Your picture was of balloons was it not? As for a 34th card, sure, nice card and some shiny stickers - job done. Again though, being able to easily get a 30th card is in no way connected to being given a holiday as a gift.

ok I am going to be harsh

he has done something nice for you, for a 30th which isn’t traditionally a ‘big’ birthday, it’s been a hard few years for lots of people and you are moaning

grow up

either suck it up with good grace, or tell him he has got it totally wrong and you want to change it, and if you did if I was him it’s the last time I would do anything for you you ungrateful person

Maybe he thought as you had done a beach holiday this would be nice to something different

You need to tell him. This happen to my husband when he turned 30 and well, now he’s my husband and not hers!!

Ive read all your replies but not the whole thread. It really doesn’t sound like what you wants at all , is it what he wants instead? I’d also be really sad that they seemingly didn’t know me at all.

Good luck!

You really don't get that the industry based around celebrating is telling us there are loads of milestones/reasons to celebrate so that we spend more money?

So basically some people think once you're grown up once every 10yrs it's a milestone birthday? Honestly never ever heard of it and I am quite intrigued 🤔 like honestly in all my life I have NEVER heard anyone mention their 30th in any sort of a big way. Obviously people often make a thing out of their birthdays but I wouldn't class a milestone as once every 10yrs..... God knows hahaha

Any birthday after 21 that ends in a zero is a big birthday. I have one approaching in the summer too (sadly not 30!).
I completely understand how you must be feeling. My DH would probably do the same and whilst it’s lovely that he’s booked something, it’s more a case of ‘does he know me at all?’
This is why I hate surprises. We can’t really afford a super duper holiday just yet, but we’re going to have fun for a few days around my birthday with DH and the dc. I am in charge of planning!
I would try and have a conversation with him and explain what you would like. He may be able to swap the holiday.

Well yes exactly this.... I don't think its a known thing to think of your 30s as a milestone. Did you think of your 30s as a milestone sweet pickle?

I mean. It doesn’t seem like you explained exactly what you want

from your OP I don’t have a clue either…..

I mean. It’s a cruise!!! A cruise! That’s incredible! It’s my husbands 40th and I’d love to take him to Chicago. We won’t ever go though….