Partner a little upset about pregnancy timing

[LouLouPat]

I’ll start with some background, I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, his wife passed away 6 years ago. He has a 17 year old daughter, she’s an only child.
We have been talking about having a baby, we expected it would take a while so I came off the pill in September, I’m now 9 weeks pregnant, due in August. We will likely only had this one baby, I’m 38, he’s 46.
August is also when his daughter turns 18, although not until the very end, and it’s when she will get her A-Level results and prepare to move for uni. Obviously this isn’t ideal timing for a new baby but we weren’t expecting it to happen so fast!!
My partner is super nervous about telling his DD, he thinks she may react badly or feel replaced.
I wouldn’t say she’s a normal teenager by any means, in fact I think she’s quite incredible. I’ve lived here for a year and her room is always spotless, she works part time, her school work is exemplary, she doesn’t hang out with people likely to get her in trouble and is very independent (she’s in a long distance relationship, every holiday they meet up sometimes all the way down in London or Devon (we are in the north west).
I honestly don’t think she will have a bad reaction she’s very sweet and just a lovely girl.
However It is making me sad that my partner isn’t excited to tell anyone, it’s making me doubt if he even wants this baby. It’s really getting me down.

So AIBU to feel down? Is the timing really so awful? How can we approach this tactfully?

"You really think he should be away from his newborn child for 10+ days for tennis?"

It's not for tennis. It's for his daughter. She's been through the death of her mum and her dad moving on. He should go. You will cope.

I have no idea how!!

OP, can I just say as well - huge CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy. 💜

@LuckySantangelo35

Boredom? 🤷‍♀️ who knows. Nowt as queer as folk as they say.

You clearly don't like her OP.

😂😂😂😂😂

Yeah.... I can see your point.

I mean, this is such a vile thing for OP to say about the girl isn't it:

I wouldn’t say she’s a normal teenager by any means, in fact I think she’s quite incredible. I’ve lived here for a year and her room is always spotless, she works part time, her school work is exemplary, she doesn’t hang out with people likely to get her in trouble and is very independent (she’s in a long distance relationship, every holiday they meet up sometimes all the way down in London or Devon (we are in the north west).
I honestly don’t think she will have a bad reaction she’s very sweet and just a lovely girl.

Oh no 10 says - I missed that. No way, definitely too long alone with a newborn. I was thinking max 2-3 days!

At first I wasnt sure if you were being unreasonable or not, but there more I’ve read of your posts the more I think you are!

This is a really special trip and an ideal way for your DH to show your DSD that she is not being replaced by the new baby. You both presuming it agreed to planning the trip, knowing full well you were TTC. It is therefore your fault (by you I mean you and DP) and your DSD should not be miss out as a result.

Newborns sleep all day (for the most part). Your baby will not miss out on any sort of bond with your DP because he’s away for 10 days but it WILL help the bond between your DSD and her dad, and in turn maybe even DSD and your baby.

Plenty of people look after newborns alone. Get some box sets on the go, stock up with ready meals or take away vouchers, invite a friend or family member over to help when you can.

You chose this and your DSD should not miss out as a result.

How would you feel if in 18 years time your DP cancelled a very special trip With your baby because he’d got someone else pregnant….

@Waffle19

op can’t eat a takeaway everyday for 10 days can she

Technically she could @LuckySantangelo35

Says it all...

It isn’t for tennis, it is for his oldest daughter. And at that age the baby won’t know, so it’s for you.

The revised question is “shouldn’t you be willing to soldier through a week by yourself to preserve this really important bonding time for your step daughter, who is without a mum and at a key life stage, and about whose your partner is worried?

Newborns sleep all day (for the most part).

Oh wow. Tell that to my best friend who's newborn screamed relentlessly day and night to the point it drove her to severe PND. I don't think her baby got that memo🤔

@adriftinadenofvipers than YOU 😂 ffs. This is painful.

I can...

Yes, I've given birth.

Yes, I've suffered a 3rd degree tear and 2 c-sections, the last one a crash section so ended up cut hip to hip.

I did almost 8 weeks on 4 hours broken sleep a night with my last.

Through all of the above... I survived and managed alone. ( OH at the time was less than useless)

All 3 of my kids are alive and well.

Oh, I should have added this with my post. My eldest's dad (we're divorced) announced he was having a baby with his new wife shortly after our DD turned 18. She was absolutely fine with it and has crocheted blankets and little toys for her new little sister. 18yos are on the exciting cusp of adulthood with their entire lives ahead of them, whereas babies are rather boring. They're not likely to feel pushed out unless you chuck them out with a bin bag and turn their room into a nursery!

The timing isn't perfect with the baby coming right before her birthday, but what's done is done, make a huge fuss over her birthday and as long as he maintains his good relationship with her and provides extra emotional support the first few weeks she's at uni (they all seem to get a bit homesick at first) all will be well.

No but she can batch cook (or her DP could batch cook!) before baby arrives. Stock up on ready meals. Surely she must have at least one friend or family member who can visit one day.

This.

It's going to be a very poignant, emotionally charged time for her turning 18 without her mum there and you and her dad have thrown a hand grenade in.

He absolutely should still go on their trip.

Yep! I didn't give a shit either tbh about my half siblings who arrived in my teens. I knew I was loved regardless by my Dad and I had my own life anyway 🤷‍♀️

I changed the odd nappy and gave the odd bottle when they were born because it was a novelty and then I went back to living my best life as a teen with my mates and boys.

It was literally a non event in my life.

But this 18 year old’s mum died just six years ago.

I think you should at least consider your DP going on the trip, @LouLouPat

You could gave your parents to stay for company. DH had to go to US for work when DC3 was 2.5 weeks. I also had a toddler and a teen, but I managed.

It's not just a tennis trip ffs!!!!

I know who I think it's heartless and lacking in empathy!!

Though 10 days is far too long.

Whoaaa you mad bitch! What on earth

Well aren’t you a charmer!