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AIBU?

Sick of Dds teacher

159 replies

Someonepaintmyhouseplease · 12/01/2024 15:10

Dd is 5 and in Pre school (we’re abroad)
She started to not want to go in, in October, she said the teacher was shouting at the children for not doing the work properly etc (I posted on here) I went in several times, plus Dh too.
The teacher said she didn’t shout etc etc, things got better.
This week, she’s been crying again at bedtime and this morning was crying not to go in again, I ended up getting out of her (eventually) that the teacher has been shouting at her (and others) if she puts her name in the wrong place on the paper 🤷🏻‍♀️apparently she shouts ‘Not there, over here!’
Dd was also upset as she says one of the boys in her class (one of her friends) is always shouted at to sit still and stop playing. I’ve seen this boy, he’s very sweet, but younger and obviously full of energy. I understand he has to learn to try to sit and not play during lessons and so on, but Dd says he cries and cries and his face goes red.
So sick and tired of going in to complain and nothing being done.
Dd finishes with this teacher at the end of June, but we want to stay in the school and have to re register to move up to the next part of school. I don’t want to take her out and put the chance of this in jeopardy, but equally I can’t put my Dd in this situation all the time.
This is not merely a teacher bashing thread, I’m a teacher myself and would
never get cross and shout it a 5 year old put their name in the *Wrong place on a paper!
What else can I do? I also need to work part time, so need to have Dd in Pre school
She adores her friends there, is very well liked, loves the teaching assistant, who she says is *Kind to her 😔

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

235 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
51%
You are NOT being unreasonable
49%
EveryDayIsASchoolDayOnMN · 12/01/2024 15:18

Can you speak directly to the Head? Dont bother trying again with the teacher.

givemushypeasachance · 12/01/2024 15:21

Is the teacher actually shouting, or does your DD just perceive her as shouting? I say this because my friend's 7yo, if told off for something or if his mum has to repeatedly ask him time and time again to do something and ends up using a firm tone, will cry and say "stop shouting at me!". His mum isn't shouting, he just doesn't like being told off, and interprets firmness and being stuff like "told brush your teeth now I won't ask you again" as shouting.

Would a professional teacher of 4-5 year old children, with another adult (TA) present, realistically shout at the class about writing their names in the wrong place on a sheet of paper. And then deny it to parents who raise concerns, saying she doesn't shout. What does that achieve? I don't know - maybe she's a horrible person who enjoys powertripping with tiny children and has bullied the TA into keeping quiet about it. In which case escalate your concerns to the headteacher and whatever governance structure the pre-school has.

Spendonsend · 12/01/2024 15:27

My experience with my own children, and working in an infant school is that children often say shouted at when no shouting has taken place. They are actually picking up on a negative tone and criticism and feel shouted at. So when you complain about shouting, the teacher thinks 'wtf, i dont shout' and then the rest of the issue is ignoredm

A possible way to tackle it is ask the teacher to help your daughter who struggling hugely with the way small mistakes or issues are communicated and feels 'shouted at" rather than supported to get things right. Also ask if there is any pastoral support in

Otherwise its a complaint if there is genuine shouting going on.

SusieSussex · 12/01/2024 15:37

Dd did have a reception teacher who shouted back in 2008-9. Parents had heard her. She retired in 2012. The TA wouldn't necessarily speak up about it.

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 15:46

I dont like teachers.
But what i dont understand is that a teacher can get a way with shouting but a parent is called abusive if they shout at their children.
So why is it to be accepted at a school by a stranger.

DialMforMummy · 12/01/2024 15:51

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 15:46

I dont like teachers.
But what i dont understand is that a teacher can get a way with shouting but a parent is called abusive if they shout at their children.
So why is it to be accepted at a school by a stranger.

You don't like all the teachers? All of them?

DialMforMummy · 12/01/2024 15:53

Could it be worth talking to other parents to see if their child's perception is similar?

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 15:53

DialMforMummy · 12/01/2024 15:51

You don't like all the teachers? All of them?

I have my reasons.
Not all teachers are awful but i have met a few that are.

Someonepaintmyhouseplease · 12/01/2024 15:56

Where we are is a different culture, shouting likely wouldn’t be considered that unusual or wrong

OP posts:
peppermintcrisp · 12/01/2024 15:57

My DD would say this and it was usually if someone uses a negative tone with her as PP said.

Oneofthesurvivors · 12/01/2024 16:01

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 15:53

I have my reasons.
Not all teachers are awful but i have met a few that are.

Which is not a reason to dislike all teachers.

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 16:05

Oneofthesurvivors · 12/01/2024 16:01

Which is not a reason to dislike all teachers.

I did not say all teachers.
I said teachers.

Spirallingdownwards · 12/01/2024 16:08

I suspect what a 5 year old perceives to be shouting may not actually be shouting but perhaps picking up on impatience. Especially if their mum is gentle parenting!

NewName24 · 12/01/2024 16:09

I agree with @givemushypeasachance and @Spendonsend

However, your post at 15.56 puts a different slant on things from those of us replying, with experience of the culture in the UK.
It seems a little bit like being unhappy at a culture of making all the children sit in rows and learn by rote - might not be what I would want for my dc, but if I were living in a country where that is how the "do" school, then that is what it is. You either use the local school or find an alternative.

stomachameleon · 12/01/2024 16:12

@doublexegg you implied all..
You didn't say ' some teachers'
You said ' I Don't like teachers' as If we are just one lump.
Just strange.

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 16:18

stomachameleon · 12/01/2024 16:12

@doublexegg you implied all..
You didn't say ' some teachers'
You said ' I Don't like teachers' as If we are just one lump.
Just strange.

I implied nothing your making something out of nothing or trying to.
I said i dont like teachers thats not meaning one lump.

Nonomono · 12/01/2024 16:30

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 15:46

I dont like teachers.
But what i dont understand is that a teacher can get a way with shouting but a parent is called abusive if they shout at their children.
So why is it to be accepted at a school by a stranger.

What an odd thing to say.

Why would you not like people who train to help other people’s kids?

Of course there are some teachers who are not nice people but on a whole anyone who chooses to have a career which helps people, are generally pretty decent human beings.

Do you feel the same way about carers or nurses?

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 16:32

Nonomono · 12/01/2024 16:30

What an odd thing to say.

Why would you not like people who train to help other people’s kids?

Of course there are some teachers who are not nice people but on a whole anyone who chooses to have a career which helps people, are generally pretty decent human beings.

Do you feel the same way about carers or nurses?

Thanks have a good evening.

Theunamedcat · 12/01/2024 16:37

Nonomono · 12/01/2024 16:30

What an odd thing to say.

Why would you not like people who train to help other people’s kids?

Of course there are some teachers who are not nice people but on a whole anyone who chooses to have a career which helps people, are generally pretty decent human beings.

Do you feel the same way about carers or nurses?

Doesn't make them nice people I've met horrific teachers shocking carers l nurses and a Dr who should have lost their jobs yes its "not all" of them but it does colour your views on the rest of them

Someonepaintmyhouseplease · 12/01/2024 16:38

It depends…in my line of work, I’ve met some real bullies as teachers and you do have to wonder why they went into the profession…such a shame for all the wonderful, kind, inspiring ones working their arses off and making a positive difference in children’s lives.

I really don’t want to go in and complain again, I hate doing it, but what can I do? Should I try to teach/show Dd how to be stronger and how to let it upset her less? How do I do that? I feel like then i’m dismissing her

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 12/01/2024 16:39

Don't dismiss her but do as someone uptrend said and say dd feels unsupported

And if you know lovely boys parents maybe speak to them

solsticelove · 12/01/2024 16:44

@Someonepaintmyhouseplease what you need to do is advocate for your 5 year old.

It’s not up to a tiny child to toughen up in my opinion.

The whole environment sounds toxic to be honest. Can I ask which country this is please?

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/01/2024 16:44

doublexegg · 12/01/2024 15:53

I have my reasons.
Not all teachers are awful but i have met a few that are.

What job do you do? I’d be interested to know.

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/01/2024 16:46

OP which age do you teach?
Children can perceive a teacher shouting even if they aren’t. Then again this teacher might really be shouting, I think you need to speak to the teacher again and then the head or both together.

itsgettingweird · 12/01/2024 16:46

Spirallingdownwards · 12/01/2024 16:08

I suspect what a 5 year old perceives to be shouting may not actually be shouting but perhaps picking up on impatience. Especially if their mum is gentle parenting!

This.

And let's face it. If we've told a child to do something over and over and they still aren't we all get impatient.

What does your Dd say when you tell her to put her name in the right place and the teacher won't get annoyed at her?

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