Would you ever leave a 15 yo home overnight?

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I’m going away with my 10yo in the summer for a weekend.

15 yo doesn’t want to come (was offered, and originally booked to come).

She can stay with her dad who lives around the corner or is more than capable of getting to grandparents for the weekend.

Shes suggested she’d like to stay home alone. Will be 16 a couple of months later, when I suspect I’d be unreasonable not to leave her. Extremely sensible and no chance shed trash the place.

Why does she want to stay alone? Sometimes finds Dad annoying, plus he has a baby and toddler, and just staying at home is easier than any other options. She likes alone time. I guess she might invite over a couple of equally sensible friends which would be fine.

Any thoughts?

She will deffo have a party. It will start with one friend for company and it will just grow… Teenagers can’t help themselves. However that doesn’t mean they’ll trash the house. So I suppose it’s more of a case of whether you think she’ll worry in the middle of the night when it’s all dark and there are strange noise, and whether you are happy with her having people over?

I think every child is different. If you feel you can trust her and she will be responsible then I don’t see why not give her the chance to show she can be mature. I know at 15 I was trusted enough to be alone and respected my parents much more for allowing this. As long as Dad is aware she is home alone so he can be there in an emergency and that she keeps in touch with you. I’d be telling her she is allowed a couple friends round for a visit so she wouldn’t feel like she was going behind you to have friends round.

I had the house to myself every other weekend from when I was about 14. My mum and stepdad used to go away for my stepdads weekend of contact with his first dc and although occasionally I would go too, I usually stayed home. Had a brother who lived nearby and my best mate lived 4 doors down.
Had a few illicit parties when I was a bit older but mostly me and my friend would go to Tesco’s and get Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, come home and watch films and stay up all night creating scenarios where my crush fell in love with me 😂 (it worked eventually!).
So although I didn’t spend the whole time on my own my mum was prepared to leave my home alone and I bloody loved it.

One night might be fine, depending on the child. A sensible 15, with dad around the corner, I'd probably consider... after laying down the law. I'd also text regularly and ask dad or a neighbour to check in with her too.

I wouldn't have left my eldest all night at 15, but she had major MH problems and a younger sister. Too young to be expected to look after another child. My youngest is now 15.5 and still hasn't been left alone overnight. However...

A relative paid for me and DH to go to a festival for three nights last summer. My kids (by then 15 and a few weeks away from being 18) begged to be allowed to stay home on their own. In view of the fact that the eldest would now be at uni if she'd been born a few weeks early, we agreed, but not for the full three nights. They were keen to show us that they would be fine, but it was their first time so we compromised - they went to grandparents (in the next county) on the train together, stayed for a day and a night, and got the train back, then stayed in our house by themselves for 24 hours, then a close family friend came to stay for the final night. This worked really well and we'd happily leave them for a weekend now.

I did it all the time. 15 years old with my 12 year old brother. All fine. The 90s were better times!

My DD is a few months older at 16 and I don't really leave her because she has a younger sibling and while she's mature enough to look after him, I wouldn't hand over that responsibility. If her brother weren't a factor, she'd be absolutely fine to stay alone.

She has stayed over with friends whose parents were away/out. In fact, she spent NYE staying in a house with 6 boys (all of them 16 bar one who is 17). On paper, this sounds bonkers but I know my dc and her friends and they're as sensible as it's possible to be.

Any of those emergencies could happen at 10am when you've left them at home while you do the shopping though

If dad agrees and is happy to be on hand if needed, and take her back to his if she doesnt like it as much as she thought, then I would.

Wow I had my own place at 17

I was allowed to stay at home once at 15 just overnight. I was a sensible kid , not a party animal. my friend came round for company for a few hours but she bought her slightly older cousin who I didn't know very well, she seemed friendly though, they left at 9pm but the cousin returned an hour later telling me she'd dropped her key and could she come in and look for it . I opened the door and a load of older teens burst in and had a party at my parents expense, police were called by neighbours before it got too messy , luckily it was just booze and food raided to eat and drink some broken glasses, a few spills on the carpet, chewing gum stuck etc but nothing major was trashed, no valuables stolen , it could have been a lot worse though, I was lucky in that respect.I was never trusted again as even thoughI didn't arrange a party, there still was a party and I had to pay for the clean up from my babysitting money for a very long time.
So even if your teen is sensible, if anyone finds out they'll be home alone they might take advantage of the situation

We had a scheduling fuck up and DS15 didn’t want to stay with the sibs at the grandparents. Sole concern was fire or flood but the neighbours knew we weren’t there and we told him to go straight to them if anything went wrong. He did microwave a kitkat so the house smelled like Willy Wonka’s briefcase (at least he took the foil off). He said it was brilliant, can’t wait to be rid of us again🤣

Sounds like you think she is sensible. I would leave her home alone if that's what she wants.

One of my kids I would have left alone overnight at 15, the other not.

I was the sensible teen left on my own for a night and I invited friends (few too many). Nothing was trashed but we were up
playing music and being generally loud till the early hours. Neighbours spragged on me to my parents 🙄

I do wonder if people sayin they will definitely have a massive party actually have teenagers, or are they talking about what they would have done as a teenager themselves? Because honestly, youth nowayways is different. Mine and their friends would probably just all sit on their respective sofas and chat to their friends on the phone...

I know. If you are making your assessments based on our generation you’re likely 30 odd years out of date. This generation is very different. And in many ways way smarter.

Of my numerous friends with teens only one teen would have people over to the extent it might be a concern. Not in a party way but she’s in quite a grungey crowd and they like to smoke. That said she was left alone in the summer (turned 18) and was fine.

If the dad is aware and agrees to check k in and be available for any emergencies then I might consider it. Or ask she just goes there to sleep at day 10pm but cones home again in the morning.

DS17 definitely wouldn't have had a party at 15 or indeed 16, but age 17 he most definitely would- or should I say will .

OP, you are blessed with zero struggle for childcare in this situation.

Your 15 yr old can stay with her own father or she can stay with her grandparents; both of which are safer options.

These kind of dilemmas are for solo parents with zero childcare options.

First rule of parenting; don't put your child at unnecessary risk of harm; why would you?

Yup, as she's sensible, I'd be OK with a sensible friend as well.

As she had adults who are nearby if there is an emergency she can call on them.

Wouldn't give it a second thought once she knows the protocol for emergencies.

Enjoy your weekend away.

You'll only know you can trust her if she's given an opportunity to be trustworthy. You know your own child so if you're confident she'll be safe and can look after herself, knows what to do in emergency etc then I don't think it's unreasonable given it's only 1 night. Maybe suggest dad calls round at a random time that she doesn't know to check there is no mad party going on!

I’d rather she had a friend over so she isn’t alone during the night.

i probably would allow it and ask another adult to pop in each day/evening as long as there’s someone nearby she can call.

First rule of parenting; don't put your child at unnecessary risk of harm

Encouraging age-appropriate independence is necessary though, and this is an appropriate situation with child happy to be left and back up available. Sure you can argue that a 17yo or 27yo would also be safer with a parent, but at some point they need to manage. And approach that 'hey well no matter that you have never been alone for a night but you're 18 now so out to the world you go' is not risk free either.

My friend had her own place from 16 as her parents and her younger brother emigrated to the US and she didn't want to leave Scotland. So they got her a flat in Edinburgh, trooped off to Texas, and left her to deal with Highers, uni applications and interviews etc on her own. I was aghast when I found out but apparently she got good support from her school and saw her grandparents once or twice a month (they didn't live nearby so she had to get the train to see them) and everything was fine. This was 30 years ago, I suspect it would raise all kinds of red flags now!

Always makes me chuckle when I see these kind of threads and think of her.

Agree Orangello. If anything being over protective is actually worse parenting.

A friends dds is in her first year in halls and is slightly horrified at the behaviour of some of the over protected students who have never learned to socialise properly and are suddenly let loose at 18. She’d been partying for a while while at home and made her mistakes with parental support / knew her limits etc. These kids getting absolutely paralytic and all over the place at their first taste of freedom and it’s all quite unsafe.