Would you ever leave a 15 yo home overnight?

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I’m going away with my 10yo in the summer for a weekend.

15 yo doesn’t want to come (was offered, and originally booked to come).

She can stay with her dad who lives around the corner or is more than capable of getting to grandparents for the weekend.

Shes suggested she’d like to stay home alone. Will be 16 a couple of months later, when I suspect I’d be unreasonable not to leave her. Extremely sensible and no chance shed trash the place.

Why does she want to stay alone? Sometimes finds Dad annoying, plus he has a baby and toddler, and just staying at home is easier than any other options. She likes alone time. I guess she might invite over a couple of equally sensible friends which would be fine.

Any thoughts?

How many times has “the ceiling fallen in” 🙄. I’m nearly 50 this has never happened to me or anyone else I have ever known

If we'd not been home when the water leak happened (in the loft) yes, the ceiling would have fallen in. And usually we wouldn't have been - we'd have both been in work and ds would have been at sixth form college, but we happened to be at home. Imagine hours and hours of the water leaking out.

Since that happened, I've actually heard of a few people with water leaks - one person had one the day she went into hospital to have her son, but fortunately her parents live locally and went in to mop up and sort out a plumber.

There's another thread on MN tonight about someone with water leaks as well.

They're by no means as rare as you think.

And near where I live someone had a house fire caused by an electrical fault. Her 16 year old was asleep at the time and was saved by the smoke alarm. So check the smoke alarms too!

DO you regret it? Because it sounds like you had a great time and knew what you were doing.

Trying to stop 15 year olds from having sex is pretty pointless, whether they're left at home alone or not, so I don't think that's relevant.

It's entirely child dependent and it sounds like she'd be completely fine, with lots of support nearby. This will probably be Ds in a couple of years. He's very independent and robust and capable.

No way
It also says on the NSPCC website you can't leave a child under sixteen alone at night.
What happens if there was a fire or something 100% no
She either stays with her dad or comes with you.
That would be her only choices if she were mine

Do you not leave your teen alone ever then? I burst pipe or caved in ceiling is just as likely at 10 in the morning as it is at midnight.
burglaries at more common during the daytime when people are out at work (but a teen may be home alone)
you teen is more likely to get run over by a car than have to deal with a caved in ceiling - do you not let them go anywhere alone/.walk to school?

No way too much responsibility for a 15 yo, just in case something went wrong.

No. I was in a student flat and the same in the states. Not everyone lives in halls.

host family? It was a university exchange!

And I lost mine at a party in the woods when all our parents thought we sleeping over at other peoples houses- teen sex and drinking is going to happen regardless! You didn’t lose your virginity purely because you had an empty house!

I'm waiting till mine is 16. But tbh. He'd probably be fine.

You know your child best.

@enchantedsquirrelwood does this mean that you wouldn't leave a 15 year old at home alone ever? A water leak could happen at 10am on a Sunday or 1pm on a Tuesday.

I really wouldn't make my parenting decisions on the very low chance of a ceiling caving in, I don't think I know anyone that has happened to.

I wouldn't generally but I think given her dad is round the corner, it's fine.

I would get him to pop round and to do it without much advance warning to ward off the party possibilities

When did teenagers become such babies? In the 70s 15 was the school leaving age. The majority of the population was out working by then & most left home at 16/17 to live in a bedsit.

I was left home alone with my sister when we were 15 and 13. That was the first time I went clubbing 🙄 and the first time my sister smoked weed 🤔 Maybe not such a great idea.

We were allegedly good kids too who went to grammar school (me) and private school (her). The opportunity arose and we took it 🤷‍♀️

If something did happen, you’d never forgive yourself, and imagine the conversation you might be having with e.g. a police officer. Nearly 16 is like nearly 18, but you still couldn’t vote because lines have to be drawn somewhere. Maybe say no this time, but offer to plan for another time where this might happen (maybe a one night event when she’s 16) so she knows you trust her but that there’s plenty of time to start fledging.
Full disclosure, I was 15, had a couple of very nice, well brought-up GF over one night while my folks were out. An incense stick caught fire from a candle and flames happened very quickly. We managed to put it out but it was a terrifying experience.

I don't mean to pick on you but this feels like the "fertility declines hugely at 35" type statement. Like your body knows that you're now exactly 35, fertility messed.

Surely it's the same with teenagers - they don't magically become ready the day they turn 16. There's fluidity based on individual children, situations etc?

Can't? According to who?

I would

I left ds2 home alone for a weekend at that age.

He had neighbours in the stairwell he could contact in emergency and his Dad an hour away.

He just played computer games the whole time, and the only trauma was when his gerbils got loose I texted him some suggestions on how to get them back and that worked eventually.

Thank you all for your answers. They’ve all been really interesting.

Im not nearer a decision as a result of this post, but it’s been great to read all the points of view.

Dad being round the corner is something but he’s a bit lazy so not sure if he would necessarily pop round to check. He might but he’d probably want her to stay with him so might not want to assist in it not happening.

Grandparents are a train ride away but one that she’s quite capable of if she preferred to go there (which she sometimes likes doing on her own so as to get a visit without her brother!)

Does she have a boyfriend

Good luck trying to go clubbing at 15 these days they are super strict on id. No proper id no entry. My summer born 17 year old struggling as pals turn 18 and unless she borrows valid Id from similar looking girl she ain’t getting in!

All our local clubs shut down apart from ones attached to actual pubs but they are still aimed above 25 year olds, music themes. hell even one bowling alley closed down because the younger ones are not out their boozing like we did and the booze sales where propping up the ally. No nappy nights or anything here now.

Yes, times have certainly changed. When I was a teen, pubs would happily serve you as long as you didn't get pissed and cause trouble.
I had my 18th birthday party in a place I'd been drinking in for 3 years.
I'm not saying it was better of course! Just that it was a different time.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

Where? I read this through but didn't spot it.

In some ways it was better. Means teens have to socialise in unregulated places though many don’t bother and stay on line. The whole “parents away party” is very gen x. Anecdotally not heard of any gen z having parties when parents away and I know lots of families with teens.

Depends on the 15 year old.