Child maintenance reduction

[Istheregoldattheendoftherainbow]

I earn 3x as much as my DH. This isn’t an issue at all but we’re wondering what to do when it comes to child maintenance.

DH was paying his ex girlfriend a very generous amount (at this stage no CMS involved and turns out he was paying 3x more than CMS would’ve calculated)

When his ex found out me and DH were pregnant she unilaterally reduced contact to half of what it was and went through CMS thinking she would get more money. I don’t think she realised our lifestyle was because of my salary; not DH’s.

Anyway, things have always been toxic with her and DH served a court order on her when she reduced contact which saw myself and DH gain overnight contact. Not as much as we would’ve liked but it was better than what we had.

His ex has now broken the court order by saying the children do not want to visit us, stay with us etc therefore we are barely seeing them. DH doesn’t want to force them to come but we miss them.

DH has reduced his salary and CMS would decrease by 25% at the end of the month. Is it unreasonable to reduce it to the CMS suggested level?

How old are the children?

Yeah it’s been very nasty from the start to be honest. I feel so sorry for my DSC. Bring brutally honest my DH and their mum have messed them up already by their toxic relationship. And before anyone says why would I have a baby with this man etc etc we’ve had a very different, healthy relationship and our baby is nearly 1 now and thankfully we have a lovely little unit. We have our disagreements don’t get me wrong but on the whole we’re good.

i think the children (they can’t remember DH living with their mother) are hearing a lot back at home about how DH ran off with me (for clarity this wasn’t the case at all) and how he’s got a new life with his wife and baby and how he’s a changed man, caring with me, doing things as a family etc etc. i can totally understand the point of view of the kids and we have tried so so so hard to dispel this when they are with us. I do think though that their mother should be doing more so that they know their daddy loves them and they have two families who love them very much etc.

i think she would ideally like money from DH but for him to have no contact with the children. It’s heartbreaking all round.

Are you saying you want to reduce maintenance as a punishment for the EXs poor behaviour? I would try to keep the children's best interest uppermost in your mind. Go back to court regarding contact, EX can't just devide to ignore an order, and if current levels of maintenance are truly too high for your DP to maintain then reduce accordingly. Why has your DH reduced his salary btw? With another on the way he should really be looking to maximising his income.

he reduced his hours to look after our baby 1 day a week

How old are they?

Don’t fall into the trap of trying to fix this. This is your DH’s circus.

Also there is no one right answer based on the facts as stated. As the Pp has asked, why has his salary reduced and how old are the kids? You might suppose they are being “turned against” their father but you only know one side of the story.

Ok, reduced hours to look after child, fair enough I suppose.

but maintenance is between your DH and his ex. Your salary is neither here nor there.

The CMS minimum is an absolute joke however, nowhere near enough and a particular insult if the ex partner gave up or substantially reduced her career to enable the other parent to earn more.

It looks like his salary reduction is intentional to punish his ex while all it does is give her ammunition. To the children the narrative will read he prioritised new baby over them.

if he can't maintain his current maintenance why is he taking unpaid leave ? Surely having a parent at home is a luxury and happens when all current financial commitments are met first ?

@Chocolatebuttonns sorry I obviously didn't make it clear.

My post refers to what the children will believe and the facts stack up.

And I believe man or woman before you take a day off you ensure your financial commitments are covered. I don't read him as earning substantially so I assume given UK col crisis the value of his contribution has sadly diminished.

I know many a parent who would love to drop a day but wouldn't put their existing Children at a financial disadvantage.

There's 2 different issues at play here

1. is your partners ex not sticking to a court order.
   This in itself either needs enforcement via courts - you don't say how old the children are that the court order is for but you also don't really say how your DH has / is trying to sort this out with the children.

2. the CMS payments. You say they're due to reduce at the end of the month. Have you reported the drop in salary - it has to be 25% less for 3 or more months I believe before CMS will change anything before the annual review.
   However, if all these changes are due to happen then of course reduce the cms to what he should be paying.
   If you're still paying via CMS calculations then they should send you a new payment schedule anyway if you have provided all the relevant information to them regarding the change in income.

All is this is your DH problem though.
He doesn't want to force his children to see him - yet he issued a court order to see them and is now not following through with enforcing it to see his children when the ex is stopping him?
You say their mum is saying things about his new family etc yet he is doing nothing to dispel what she is saying as he's not enforcing his court order - so he can't be that fussed about his previous children - and that's probably how it looks to the kids 2bh

@Chocolatebuttonns that is not what I said.

Money is a necessity, the childrens outlay hasn't reduced as I've said they have increased.

All parents I am sure would love the opportunity to financial freedom to have the choice. Again after all current financial commitments to his children are made. The same in a non split family.

And whilst in an ideal world the father having an extra day to cover childcare that hasn't been mentioned.
Most childcare providers i am aware of require a space booked for the full week so no saving is made.

No I would not reduce maintenance because he’s decided to reduce his hours. The children don’t suddenly cost less.

When it’s the man who is paying maintenance, then no he’s not meeting his financial commitments. Clearly when he decided to drop a day, he would have realised the maintenance would reduce? His ex isnt benefitting from this, but being disadvantaged financially whilst your family is gaining as you don’t have to pay child care for that day he looks after your dc, and you’re still earning the same. Unsurprisingly this is what a lot of ex husbands do when their new partner is a higher earner - reduce their hours.

Kids are 7 and 5. It’s not a punishment at all. It’s more to do with the fact everything is bare minimum. We buy them things outside of the contributions that they need for school and things like that. It just made sense for us for him to drop to a 4 day week now that I’m back to work and I’m the higher earner and am likely to increase my own salary significantly down the line whereas DH’s max salary is limited compared to even my current one

You are not unreasonable to follow CMS and your DH needs to take the ex back to court to enforce the order. Weaponising your kids in the way his ex is doing is terrible.

I get where @Marblessolveeverything Is coming from.

I understand why the Op and DH have decided to drop his hours 1 day per week, because financially they can afford to do this.

But from the point of view from his ex and why she would be a bit annoyed by this. He pays CM because he does not have full or 50%, so pays CM to offset some of the children's living costs to the main/resident parent.

The costs of the children hasn't changed, she will still need to pay for the children's share of the mortgate/rent, gas, electric, food, clothes, etc, but now she has to do this with 25% less than she had before.

If he was paying 25% less because he lost his job, or he was forced to reduce his hours, there would be some understanding.
But he is paying 25% less CM because of a choice and the fact the Op and him can afford to reduce his hours.

Of course, they are free to make any choices that fit their family, but something doesn't sit right that a dad would choose to reduce his financial responsibilities to the main carer of his other children.

I hope I'm making sense. I'm not criticising the Op, I'm just trying to see it from the ex's point of view.

That being said, the ex is no angel. Refusing contact as per the court arrangement is absolutely not on. She is doing her children an absolute disservice and doing this and is bang out of order.

I am not in a step parent situation. I am married to my child’s father so have no skin in the game. What I’m reading here that your set up is benefitting you both to the detriment of his ex. Forget the petty squabbles and any animosity. Go high when they go low. The less money she gets, the less she is able to offer the kids and the children should be at the forefront. So no, I would not reduce maintenance.

I would go back to court. (Needs to be DH perogative though) kids see things differently, mum may say all these things and kids could believe it atm, their dad easily accepting not seeing them in their eyes is proving her right. Children dont see or understand complexities. If after enforcing court order, showing children through action and time doesnt work then think about it. Kids would love to eat chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner, doesnt mean you accept they do as they want to.

Thr CMS thing, i have no experience on so can't advise. I know the mum has also set herself up as you say initially you were paying 3 x until she went through them. But at the end of the day its the children inadvertently impacted via the ex. If it were my children i would want to give them as much as i could, but cms does take the emotional connection away from providing for children and turns it more transactional which is why i think rubbish dads find it easy to play it as they have no emotion involved, compared to seeing first hand how your kids benefit and then lose out when a chunk stops. I know in our household our budget is spread so thin, if we lost 100 thats a bill not paid, or bits cut out on the weekly tesco shop we are used to. So.i would still try to honour it if its feasable. Even if the top up is seperate from cms.