Child maintenance reduction

[Istheregoldattheendoftherainbow]

I earn 3x as much as my DH. This isn’t an issue at all but we’re wondering what to do when it comes to child maintenance.

DH was paying his ex girlfriend a very generous amount (at this stage no CMS involved and turns out he was paying 3x more than CMS would’ve calculated)

When his ex found out me and DH were pregnant she unilaterally reduced contact to half of what it was and went through CMS thinking she would get more money. I don’t think she realised our lifestyle was because of my salary; not DH’s.

Anyway, things have always been toxic with her and DH served a court order on her when she reduced contact which saw myself and DH gain overnight contact. Not as much as we would’ve liked but it was better than what we had.

His ex has now broken the court order by saying the children do not want to visit us, stay with us etc therefore we are barely seeing them. DH doesn’t want to force them to come but we miss them.

DH has reduced his salary and CMS would decrease by 25% at the end of the month. Is it unreasonable to reduce it to the CMS suggested level?

Unpaid labour?! He’s spending time with his child. Get a grip!

It's always unpaid labour. If a woman reduced her hours and a man refused to combine incomes, woman would be rightly told on mumsnet that she is being financially abused and to go back to work full time.

I’ll pay him so 🙄🙄

Why don't you give up your job completely then? You'd get to spend a whole week with your child and your DC could live of the same magical money tree you're expecting his DC to be supported by.

Ah OK, so they have combined finances except when it comes to supporting his DC?

Could you explain why?

It's really not normal at all. He's taken money from his DC to enable his wife to improve her career.

She'd need the childcare if he didn't. What are you struggling to understand? If he can afford to do that and pay the same level of maintenance then fine

Wtf? It’s to spend time with his baby don’t warp it into something it isn’t!

You don't seem to understand the simple obligation of his existing DC.

So if a woman remarried and had two existing DC. They had another baby and they decided woman could be a SAHM. Would it be OK for her DH to switch off radiators in existing DC'S rooms, tell them they can't wash or drink water and refused to feed them. Would that be OK?

From my professional perspective, something that may be useful is to write out a factual list of bullet points from each of your perspectives (you, DH, his ex). Then a few bullet points on how those facts may be making each of you feel. Be harsh on yourself if necessary, really consider how other parties are feeling.

Looking at it like this may expose things you hadn’t considered and reveal potential routes of negotiation to a situation that is acceptable to all of you and beneficial to all of the children involved.

You do know he’s not threatening to take all their stuff we’ve bought back etc? We’re talking about reducing CMS in-line with what it should be because we see the children bare minimum despite our attempts for more and because DH can’t afford it off his own salary. He still continues to buy what they need.

What he pays to support DC, shouldn't be reduced. If he was paying the legal minimum on a full time wage, he was paying beans compared to what it actually costs to support a child.

YANBU to cut the maintenance to the minimum level but you should go to court over her breaching the entitlement to access. Even if she continues to refuse access the maintenance would only reflect what was agreed, not what is actually happening. So she can't withold access as a reason to screw more money out of you.

I am not sure why you bothered to ask if you get so wound up by posters telling you that yabu. You clearly were hoping for validation of your questionable morals. Sorry that this didn't work out.

Day 999 being grateful I have none of this drama in my life 🙏🏾. Between the mom and dad, I feel sad for these children.

He should take his ex back to court now she’s breached the court order.

He should maintain the level of maintenance he pays, as his children’s expenses won’t decrease because he’s reduced his hours. If I understand correctly, this was already reduced when she took him via CMS. If he was paying three times the amount prior, he must have thought it a fair amount. And now he’s reducing it again, to go part-time?

Once he’s sorted the contact, does he plan to increase his contact time to make up for the reduced support?