Husband & lapdance

[Thatwagon]

Husband on xmass party night ..wouldnt tell be before he left if he would be home ..stayed out all night..home at 7am .i was not happy straight away went to his pockets aside from all the drink receipts i found 2 cards for a private dance .
He says he cant remember being there but knows he did nothing wrong.
How can he not remember being there but know he did nothing wrong.?
I dont think he would have told if i didnt confront him.
I feel so sick angry about it all.
Its more the lies and not remembering and trying to convince me he did nothing wrong thats killing me.
We rowed ...we talked all at mine insistence he hasnt tried at all and im just so sick of him I cant look at him without picturing him with a lapdancer .
Please tell me what you would do in my shoes I have no one to talk to in real life and im really struggling.
Thanks in adavance.

It would be a deal breaker for me, paying a hundred quid to get a boner. There will be people on both sides, some that don't care and others that do. What matters is you, how do you feel? Personally I couldn't get past the lying and complete disregard of your feelings, you're upset and he doesn't give a flying shit

Going to a strip club at all is a dealbreaker for me. If a man wants to do that… well he is most definitely not a man who shares my values sufficiently for a relationship to work. So I would absolutely end a relationship over it. It wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone in a relationship with me either.

This for me too.
However, why on earth wouldn't be tell you IF he'd be home that night? Was he hoping to get lucky or something, so keeping his options open? I don't understand how someone going out wouldn'e know if they were going to be home or not!

And rocking up home at 7am! And bless his heart he can't remember what he'd done or where he had been? Course he can't. Or more like he absolutely does but is sure as hell not going to tell you.

Do lapdance clubs in the UK really give out 'vouchers' for £50 private dances to random men in the street? Really?
Perhaps they were given at the door as a sort of promotion. lovely. or perhaps they are the receipt for him handing over 2 lots of £50 cash.
The fact he was in there at all and then didn't get home until 7am hardly screams great husband.
Sorry OP, if he can't tell you exactly what happened because of his sudden memory loss, i'd take that to mean something happened that he needs you not to know about.

It may have been used in GoT, but it’s been common parlance in the US for hundreds of years.

It's still very patronising

I don’t really understand how the cards work but is there a chance they were tokens / vouchers someone else paid for and gave to him, and since they are still in his pocket he didn’t use them for a private dance? As for not remembering he was there - well, he must’ve been comatose so how did he even get home? What sort of workplace is he in where they encourage staff to visit strip joints and get this battered?

I can categorically tell you this is not true.

It seems weird there were 2 cards for a private dance with a price. Is it advert, a 'credit'? Surely these places are discreet and he wouldv'e just paid on his card or in cash, if it wasn't a receipt it doesn't even really mean anything. No doubt he was in the club though. Could be his mates on a wind up, or something. I think it sounds odd for a strip club to do that but who flipping knows, lol.
Does he go to strip clubs often? The fact he was out all night raises alarm bells more so than the 2 cards. Out of interest, how much money did he spend? That again would be an issue as these places can be extortionate.
He is has deffo behaved badly but the card things might not be the main issue really.

The lap dance isn't the issue here it's the coming home at 7am and hiding things from you.
Some men go to lap dancing clubs. That wouldn't bother me on its own. If you've seen one pair of boobs you've seen them all IMO.
Paying £100 for it is a grim waste of money though.
It was a Christmas do so hopefully a one off/rare occurrence.

It may have been used in GoT, but it’s been common parlance in the US for hundreds of years.

Yes, that's true - it goes back to Victorian times, right?. I was really only posting about it to highlight that its use has more to do with a lot of people watching GoT than anything else.

@Catza

why would you post such nonsense?

of course you can get a lap dance, and much much more in the U.K.

@Thatwagon

does it make any difference to you how far it went?

if it does you could ring the place & find out what you get for £59 and if they're both for the same person. I'd be more concerned if they were. If it doesn't matter to YOU, then all you can do is decide how YOU feel & if you want to stay with him or not.

If you are going to stay with him, he needs to get tested for STDs. Those women are skanky AF.

The men who do this are the ones who are skanky.

@peakygold to call women 'skanky' is grim language.
If anything, sex workers need to be tested regularly and would never go unprotected so 'cleaner' than randoms. The women in the club have done nothing wrong, they are doing their jobs.
If he is sleeping with them ( for me, dealbreaker) or even just getting dances and you don't want him to then either he stops or get out of there 'cos he doesn't care about your needs, but don't blame the women in the club.
He sounds selfish.

It doesn’t really matter what any of us say does it? If it’s a deal breaker for you then you split up.

I would go completely off him so the relationship would be over.

Sad man with brain in his dick. Go and buy yourself an expensive pair of shoes or whatever you fancy. If he can waste money then so can you.

This!

So he's not getting enough and he needs to get lapdances?

ODFOD! It's not anti-man to have fucking standards in a relationship! Just because you've got absolutely no self-respect doesn't mean other women should let themselves be doormats.

JFC!

This is bollocks.

sex workers need to be tested regularly and would never go unprotected so 'cleaner' than randoms

For the sake of accuracy - one small look at UK punting shows sex workers sometimes go unprotected for piv sex and almost always do oral sex unprotected.

It also shows that punters get irritated by waiting around for their punt, because the punter in front of them is still with the prostitute ..... What std checking are they doing in the few min rushed turnaround between punters? They wouldn't even have symptoms .... It's clear it's back to back with punters sometimes.
There are also stds that condoms don't prevent fully.

So let's stop with these myths about STDs.

In saying all of the above - it's not the strippers or prostitutes who are the skanks.

Right, that'll solve the betrayal of sexual intimacy and exclusivity, and loss of trust.

And deceit; cause op found out, he didn't fess up.

Maybe not everybody has a transactional, psychopathically detached approach to relationships.

You absolutely don't have to ask.

Men who think they can buy women's consent, men who pay for strippers are gross and sleazy and exploitative and pathetic. Whatever the state of their sex life.

If op wanted parity, not that she'll ever get it, because he's chosen to do this, not her; she should get a male stripper or two to a private party with her mates, and see how he likes that.

I found a male lap dancing club and had private and group dances from male strippers (place now closed) when similar (not as bad - apparently) was done to me. It's amazing how that focuses their tiny minds on why it's not kosher.

But you'll not get true party - because they "introduced" this to your relationship and life first.

what is your sex life like at home?

Are you saying that if op is not fully satisfied with her sex life at home - as many people aren't (let's face it, maintaining the early months passion and excitement and novelty is pretty much impossible, and real life and being real human beings also impacts) ...... That op has the right to go and grind on the crotch of naked male strippers? Without previously discussing with her partner.

Is that what you're saying .... Or is it only men who.arent getting it enough at home, or for whom it's not exciting enough at home ..that get to go behind their partner's back into sex industry dives and have women get naked, and grind on them, at £50 a pop?