Husband & lapdance

[Thatwagon]

Husband on xmass party night ..wouldnt tell be before he left if he would be home ..stayed out all night..home at 7am .i was not happy straight away went to his pockets aside from all the drink receipts i found 2 cards for a private dance .
He says he cant remember being there but knows he did nothing wrong.
How can he not remember being there but know he did nothing wrong.?
I dont think he would have told if i didnt confront him.
I feel so sick angry about it all.
Its more the lies and not remembering and trying to convince me he did nothing wrong thats killing me.
We rowed ...we talked all at mine insistence he hasnt tried at all and im just so sick of him I cant look at him without picturing him with a lapdancer .
Please tell me what you would do in my shoes I have no one to talk to in real life and im really struggling.
Thanks in adavance.

And some women genuinely don’t care about this sort of thing. Your value system isn’t universal.

I would go as far as to say he enjoyed it so much he went back for another go. I'm a woman and I have had a private dance. It was fun but then I am not a man am I? You have to ask yourself why men do these things and would not tell their wives/girlfriends ? I suppose it depends on the type of person you are and where your boundaries start and end, as to how you deal with this.
I would let it go, but then that's me.
You also have to remember that alcohol has played a big part in his behaviour/memory/slipping of standards......

Sorry OP, I'd be totally grossed out too.

I'd also definitely want to know what he was doing that kept him out until 7am - and wouldn't accept 'I was too drunk to remember' as an answer.

I'm still allowed to find the cool wives who "don't care" about the objectification of women and potential human trafficking of young women immensely depressing .

The assumption that all dancers are trafficked is based on your own preconceptions, not reality. Your views on objectification are very second wave, which is your right, but I find it depressing that so many of you simply cannot countenance that other women have the right to think and feel differently. They are automatically ‘cool wives’. It’s very rigid thinking.

No, my sweet old lady. We usually go to these establishments together.

This doesn't sound like a healthy marriage OP.

The fact that he couldn't even tell you if he was coming home? The fact you felt the need to check his pockets and read the receipts? The fact he had no problem spending family money on something selfish and controversial? The fact that he claims he can't remember AND the fact you don't believe him?

This all sounds bad enough without taking into consideration your views on strip clubs and lap dances.

Nice bit of ageism there. Lovely.

Totally agree with this. Much bigger issues at play than the lap dance!

I've had these cards thrust into my hand on nights out. Nowhere near the actual lapdancing venue (some will even offer you a lift to the door) so you probably need to establish for certain whether he went in there or not

As some others have said, if this is just a PR tool from some wide boy on the pavement then you maybe have nothing to worry about

On the other hand, he may have started with 5 of the cards and now only two remain in his pocket...

You really need to establish some more facts before you hit the emergency divorce button

Agreed. I was a lap dancer for years and it’s not the place for married men.

Somehow, you don't seem to have the same response to someone calling me a child... isn't that telling?

maybe the whole change is problematic. The comment covers all of that.

I don't understand what these cards are. These places don't give out "thanks for coming" cards or receipts. If they give receipts they would be worded so as to not know what was given - like when you order something and it has discreet labelling.

This sounds more like a promotion? It seems crazy that he would bring them home too.

Regardless, if he is being evasive that is a red flag. He's too scared to tell the truth or lie so he gives a half cooked answer. Only you know if you'll accept or forgive. It doesn't matter what we day. This is your relationship with your husband. Do what feels right for you.

I went through his pockets because he got home at 7am I wouldnt normally.
Thank you for all the kind replies.

No, my sweet old lady. We usually go to these establishments together.

This* post *is so bloody grim 🤮

Not really. You quoted Catza’s response, not Monsteramama’s comment. So, you were clearly fine with the patter’s ageism until your hypocrisy was called out.

Like she says, very telling.

Press ‘show quote history’ and you can see it quotes the whole exchange.

Nice bit of ageism applies to both comments.

Or I could just clutter the thread up quoting both in a redundant manner.

I am aware of his quote history works and you read the thread, went past the ‘sweet summer child’ without comment and then decided that ‘old lady’ was ageist. When you were called out on the double standard, suddenly you were talking to them both (and apparently concerned with thread cluttering).

It’s coming across as very disingenuous.

So you have proof that he didn't have 2 lap dances.

You are being very unreasonable at the moment with what we know right now.

"Husband on xmass party night ..wouldnt tell be before he left if he would be home ." This would piss me off and be a big fuck off from me. Why wouldn't he tell you if he would be home or not? What a way to treat someone.

The lapdancing would be secondary to the not coming home. If a group of fellas on a work night out choose to go to a lapdancing place - that would put me off them for being sleazes. If he went along as that was what they were doing - I could let it go but be put off he was such a sheep. Paying 100 quid (unless you are wealthy) before Xmas on lapdances would be annoying as fuck - even if you were wealthy - still annoying. The dancers deserve the money for putting up with the knob head patrons.

Looking through his pockets to me is something I wouldn't do and I suspect you did it knowing you would find evidence of something you don't like.

Oh piss off with your disingenuous.

The whole thing was ageist. And what I actually did was reply to the exchange and report both posts for ageism.

Oooh, language. That’s told me! 🤣

The lap dance isn’t the issue here, it’s the fact that either he’s lying or you think he’s lying.

What is the relationship normally like?

Do you have a problem with strip clubs/so dances and have discussed this with him in the past?

'Sweet summer child' is a quote from Game of Thrones to describe a naive person. In the story, if you were born in the long summer then you didn't know how bad life could get. It's nothing to do with ageism.