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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband & lapdance

133 replies

Thatwagon · 11/01/2024 23:33

Husband on xmass party night ..wouldnt tell be before he left if he would be home ..stayed out all night..home at 7am .i was not happy straight away went to his pockets aside from all the drink receipts i found 2 cards for a private dance .
He says he cant remember being there but knows he did nothing wrong.
How can he not remember being there but know he did nothing wrong.?
I dont think he would have told if i didnt confront him.
I feel so sick angry about it all.
Its more the lies and not remembering and trying to convince me he did nothing wrong thats killing me.
We rowed ...we talked all at mine insistence he hasnt tried at all and im just so sick of him I cant look at him without picturing him with a lapdancer .
Please tell me what you would do in my shoes I have no one to talk to in real life and im really struggling.
Thanks in adavance.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 11/01/2024 23:35

When you say cards, could these have been promotional cards he might have picked up or were the receipts from the strip club.

Original poster
Thatwagon · 11/01/2024 23:39

There were 2 cards each card for a private dance 50£ each

OP posts:
Catza · 11/01/2024 23:52

I will be in a minority but I would do absolutely nothing in your shoes. In the UK, there is no such thing as a lap dance. A private dance is literally a semi-open room, no touching etc. Lasts about 5 minutes. I’d be more upset at the price to be honest.

CeeCeeBloom · 12/01/2024 00:06

In your shoes I'd kick him out. Lapdances are a dealbreaker for me. ATEOTD though, no one can really tell you what to do. If he isn't even apologetic is he even worth sticking around for?

SlippyDip · 12/01/2024 00:36

I wouldnt be bothered. And I wouldnt rummage through his pockets. He can't touch, he will have been totally shafted moneywise for about 8 minutes of seeing someone semi naked.

TheaBrandt · 12/01/2024 00:40

I’d be embarrassed I had married such a pathetic cliche. Wouldn’t rant and rave but would put me right off him.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 12/01/2024 00:58

Catza · 11/01/2024 23:52

I will be in a minority but I would do absolutely nothing in your shoes. In the UK, there is no such thing as a lap dance. A private dance is literally a semi-open room, no touching etc. Lasts about 5 minutes. I’d be more upset at the price to be honest.

Edited

You are very naive.

KarenNotAKaren · 12/01/2024 01:08

Gross.

Using human women as his little sex dolls.

Id be rid

Fionaville · 12/01/2024 01:22

It's too hard to say what I'd do in your shoes because our circumstances could be so different.
I've been married for 25 years to a man who's been a wonderful husband and father and never really put a foot wrong. I'd be devastated if he did this. Heartbroken. But I doubt I'd divorce him over it, given the husband he's been up to that moment. So, it would depend on how remorseful he was and on my ability to forgive and forget.
So, what kind of husband is your DH apart from this, how deep into your marriage you are and if you can forgive him, are all important factors. If you've not been together that long and he hasn't proved himself to be a devoted and trustworthy husband up until now, it would be hard to forgive.

Spomsored · 12/01/2024 01:28

I started being grossed out by the lap dances and am now horrified by the price! What a waste of money. I would be very, very angry

Cuckoochanel80 · 12/01/2024 01:48

Yeah, that's not nice.

As a previous poster said, it would put me off him big time

PlantDoctor · 12/01/2024 01:58

I would be apoplectic if DH had a lap dance. I find it really gross and desperate for a man to choose to do that, disrespectful to me, and possibly exploiting someone who is being forced into that job (although appreciate that is not always the case).

MyopicBunny · 12/01/2024 02:02

I'd be fuming about the whole thing. He blew £100 of family money is the first thing.

Going to strip clubs is as bad as paying sex workers imo. It's a man with a mentality that women's bodies can be bought. And that's without the cheating. Awful.

HangingOver · 12/01/2024 02:05

A private dance is literally a semi-open room

Not always. There are sometimes booths with curtains. Entire private rooms if you pay enough.

ncforthisone256 · 12/01/2024 02:12

8 minutes of seeing someone semi naked

I'm no expert but I would think £50 would normally get you a dance with someone who takes it all off. Happy to be corrected!

Catsmere · 12/01/2024 06:16

KarenNotAKaren · 12/01/2024 01:08

Gross.

Using human women as his little sex dolls.

Id be rid

Exactly.

Hoglet70 · 12/01/2024 06:21

I'd be cross about the money (and feel very sorry for the poor woman who had to degrade herself for it) but I really don't think it's a LTB situation.

Evaka · 12/01/2024 06:23

If he's an absolute legend and this is a huge lapse of judgement, I'd possibly move on. Doesn't sound like it though - out until seven, blackout drunk apparently, defensive and rude. He's sounds incredibly immature and the relationship sounds unhealthy. I'm sorry OP x

NCgoingdry · 12/01/2024 06:29

Catza · 11/01/2024 23:52

I will be in a minority but I would do absolutely nothing in your shoes. In the UK, there is no such thing as a lap dance. A private dance is literally a semi-open room, no touching etc. Lasts about 5 minutes. I’d be more upset at the price to be honest.

Edited

I've worked in a strip club and you couldn't be more wrong.

Mardyybum · 12/01/2024 06:30

The fact that he wouldn’t tell you if he’d be home is more concerning than the lap dance in my opinion.

Shoxfordian · 12/01/2024 06:36

Has he done it before? Sounds like a stupid drunk night

sawnotseen · 12/01/2024 06:41

@SlippyDip agree with you.
I just laughed at my husband when he did this. I did remind him about trafficking etc.
my friend (previously worked for Barclays) was a dancer at Stringfellows and spearmint rhino. She made a lot of money which enabled her to buy a house - and met her husband there!

C1N1C · 12/01/2024 07:07

Exploring all options...

Yes, he could be 'one of those guys', and those guys never really change...

...but I have to ask, what is your sex life like at home?

Charlie2121 · 12/01/2024 07:13

Massive over reaction.

CourtenayDevon · 12/01/2024 07:38

Catza · 11/01/2024 23:52

I will be in a minority but I would do absolutely nothing in your shoes. In the UK, there is no such thing as a lap dance. A private dance is literally a semi-open room, no touching etc. Lasts about 5 minutes. I’d be more upset at the price to be honest.

Edited

Hmmm, not sure why you think this, but it's not strictly true across the board at all.