'Poor defenceless babies' miscarriages?

[ohwow23]

I've NC. Long time member here. I'm currently going through my 4th miscarriage in the space of 14 months. Heartbreaking and sad. We are waiting on a referral from the hospital for more tests (we've had basic blood work and came back clear) we decided to keep on trying whilst we wait for our referral, each loss is heartbreaking but ultimately we want to keep on going, this is our choice a couple. I tried to explain this to this friend last night, and she didn't understand (she had her baby with no issues) and I get that not everyone will understand why people who struggle to conceive will keep putting themselves through the pain, but I know people like me who struggle who full understand the need and desperation for a baby even it means losses along the way. So I had my scan today which confirmed our 4th loss, and she messaged me this today. I've attached screenshots of the message so you understand. I really do understand her being concerned for me and Dh wellbeing, but I really think the 'poor defenceless babies' comment was completely uncalled for.

AIBU to be upset by this comment? I've also attached my quite calm response.

I would never speak to her again. She would be removed from my life permanently. I'm so sorry you're going through this and had a friend who is such a moron.

Send her a link to this thread and then block her.

I’ve had five miscarriages and people say stupid things but this is awful. What a cow. You need to block her. You’re having a hard enough time as it is.
feel free to PM me anytime xx

@OhwhyOY I remember just stuttering and mumbling, not really knowing what to say then left the room and had a cry.
I had had 2 previous miscarriages and this had been 3rd pregnancy. Pregnancies 4&5 produced healthy bouncing babies but I never let the evil cow who made the barren comment near them!

The poor defenceless babies comment was horrible, as they're not babies when you miscarry early on. However, I do sort of agree that waiting until you have your tests to try again is probably a good shout, as it's clear that something is wrong. I'd be worried about any potential damage.

I‘m shocked that a friend would send that message. My heart goes out to you. I’d no longer be willing to be her friend-she’s lost that right. I’m sorry OP.

You have my sympathy OP. For the loss of your longed for babies and for the knowledge that this person you considered a friend is a thoughtless, heartless bitch. What she has said to you is simply evil.
If anyone had spoken to me like that after any of my losses (I didn’t have as many as you and babies in between losses) I doubt I would have spoken to them again.
💐 for your losses and 🙏 for the future.

Nope nope nope nope NOPE

Im feeling triggered on your behalf OP. She is ignorant and totally out of line

im so sorry for your losses

Wow. With friends like that, who needs enemies 😳

@HalloumiGeller There’s no damage that is being done. They’re simply trying to a baby. There may be an underlying issue and there may just be coincidence. Either way, none of the ‘friend’s business. They are more likely to discover what the issue is (if there even is one) if they keep trying and also more likely to conceive and become pregnant and it stick. Either way, all a friend offers is support, not ill informed judgement poorly disguised as concern.

What the FUCK she is being the opposite of empathetic. Sorry but I’m livid for you.

I've had several people say this to me since losing our baby too

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this, and for your 'friend' to rub salt in the wound like that... just wow. So often when people peddle this 'but it's the truth and needs saying' stuff it's an excuse to behave like an arse, and she's properly batshit if she thinks she's being a 'good friend' or any kind of friend by saying such an awful thing.

Oh darling, so sorry for the pain and heartache you've been through with every loss.
Wow, she is special,no?
Time to cut her loose from your life, you are so much better than lowering yourself to respond xx

That's awful. People can be so cruel.
My ex-MIL, just hours after my ERPC following multiple losses before my first child said to me when she saw I was upset:
"Well I'm not really sure what you're crying so much for, it's not like it was a real baby at 13 weeks."
EX MIL. Evil b*h!
I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Wow what a dickhead.

Take care of yourself OP, recurrent miscarriage is utterly brutal.

Wow, she really went above and beyond! She could have just said "I think maybe you should wait till you've had all the tests" and left it at that.

Don't ever speak to her or engage with her again. Vile cow.

Vile and a fuckwit. Lethal combination. Get this moron out of your life, salt the ground so she cannot return. What a horrendous human being she is and unfathomably stupid as well.

im sorry for your losses OP. I do so hope you get some answers and your sweet baby! I’ve heard that sometimes early reoccurring losses can be low progesterone.

Wow that’s one of the worst things I have read on here. She is an evil, nasty bitch.

Block her and I’d be inclined to keep screenshots of her texts in case she cries victim to any mutual friends; let them see her true colours.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this, both the losses and the awful ‘friend’.

She’s not got a clue about the reality of it, and the way she worded that is worse than heartless.

I’m a veteran of recurrent m/c- she is a cow

Very sorry for your loss. This is a disgusting response and I would block.

Really bizarre opinion considering that at least 25% of all pregnancies naturally end in miscarriages. I wonder if she is one of those extreme religious people who believe that they are fully formed babies with souls from day 1 of conception?

Have you had miscarriages?

because the desire to keep on trying is incredibly strong. And there’s no guarantee something is wrong, as multiple people with unexplained losses will testify to.

OP I’m so incredibly sorry, I’ve had multiple losses and am surrounded by friends with children and if any of them said that I wouldn’t get over it.