Ex husbands childcare offer

[sparkellie]

What would you do if this was your ex partners offer of childcare for the following year?
I should add he has them every Sunday 7.30 - 4.30. The asterisk next to days marks them as a Sunday.
How would you respond?

He is self employed so csa is a waste of time.
The Sundays on the list are the ones attached to school holidays.

If his gf can pick them up at 9am have you a problem with that ?

Edited. As the thread has moved on quickly and everything I asked has been answered

So he never has them overnight, doesn't even do dinner (probably breakfast as well) on Sunday and his maintenance is £3.29per child a day?? I would sacrifice the maintenance and do 50/50

I really don't get this do you never actually get proper time to yourself?

I personally would respond that parenting is a joint venture and that mean 26 weeks a year so you will take them to school on a Monday and the following Monday you will pick them up so he does every other week completely.

So yes I think he is a right piss taking

What 11 or 15 year old... (realise SEN is at play which might make a difference) wants to get up at 7pm on a Sunday to spend the day with df?

Perhaps 11:30 is to factor in lie ins and things during the holidays.

Although I agree it would be more sensible for them to stay over

Because he moved 45mins away, and i presume this allows him to work those mornings, so he doesn't miss out on money.

Imagine saying you can only have your children on specific days. Disgraceful. YANBU.

They don't but I work from 8 - 4

you're not screwed and its not childcare. Its a parent deciding to spend bugger all time with his kids. So, you go to CMS and claim the maintenance that is due for sole residency since he has them for no overnights at all and only a very few lunches and dinners but the look of it. It won't be much unless he is a high earner but that's the system. Use paid childcare and look into UC / tax credit help with that. That way you are not at all dependent on him and he has nothing "over you". I used to be so desperate for a break when mine were little that I put up with all sorts of shit so long as he took them EOW but now they are older and less exhausting I don't really care if he "threatens" not to have them which is immensely empowering.

@sparkellie so he wont have his kids overnight????? looks like you have them every single night/ why only three separate weeks of the year?????

Op, he's a prince, isn't he?

It's increasingly clear that no, none of this is fair. But he's a prat so you can't change that.

I'd push back hard on timings - if you need to work, he needs to have the children for the full day.

So basically, days when he doesn't have to do school run because all of those are school holidays. Adds up to 20 days in a year. Any over nights?

He's hardly putting himself out, is he. I assume that's four weeks of his 25 days holiday a year, leaving him a week with the boys somewhere.
He's going to be paying maximum cms and unless he's in the forces on deployment, I'd assume he's pretty lazy and indifferent.

Having said that, it's more than my ex does. 🙄

Yes

Without context very hard to judge.

If you need care from 8am then just tell him!

As a full time working lone parent I have my DS every single day and night. These men that use work as an excuse are so pathetic. You work around your children not the other way round, or you arrange childcare. If he is self employed he can choose his own hours too so there's no excuse.

He just ignores my messages and doesn't answer the phone if I try and call if it's not something he wants to hear.

Good grief, so you have them the whole of the rest of the time?

@sparkellie no, you can't force him to parent his own children and yes, it's incredibly disappointing. I'm sorry. I brought up my children alone and their dad refused to have then for longer than 2hrs at a time.

My way of coping was to try to get on with it. I accepted that I was the only parent, reduced my working hours (because my children were already sad about losing their dad and I wanted to be around more for them), and vowed to give them lovely lives no matter what it took.

I'm through that now and have time for myself again The kids have grown into wonderful young people and those years of doing it hard are in the past.

He's self employed so there won't be any money in going through csa.
Paid childcare for a 15year old with special needs is almost impossible to find, especially as I live in a rural area.
I received a death in service payment this week after my partner died in Sept, so won't be able to claim anything from uc until that has gone.

So if my OH wrote that list of which days he could sort "childcare" in the school holidays, only covered half days, and left the rest to me, I'd be pretty annoyed and we live together.

So it sounds like you don’t have anything written down regarding access arrangements? Ultimately there's not much you can do if he doesn't want to see them much. Your only recourse is maintenance which you've said I think that he doesn't earn much.
So if you are primary carer and he won't step up unfortunately it falls back to you to sort.
Sorry.

I am honestly considering dropping a Sunday at work, so at least I would get a day to myself. But as the rest of my working hours are in school times it doesn't help with holidays.
I'm worried that he's pretty much forcing me to quit as I can't manage holidays on my own, and whilst work have been brilliant I can't get any time off in December and definitely not 6 weeks for summer holidays.

If you work from 8-4 and the kids cannot be left on their own for an hour or two (and I appreciate that’s very dependent on the nature and severity of your eldest’s health needs) then this offer is utterly useless. You need 7:30 til 4:30 like on Sundays right? Or he keeps them overnight. it’s a joke offering 11:30 til 18h when that would mean you can’t work those days and have to use leave anyway.
I think you should tell him you need 7:30 starts or it’s unworkable for you. Even if he offers fewer weeks, it would still be better right?

Yea, that's what I thought. I was hoping someone might have a wonderfully creative solution I hadn't thought of yet!

@sparkellie you know, I’d go to CSA just inconvenience him. Don’t write it off as an option without even trying it. Even if you only got £10 a week more, do it to show him you will stand up for yourself and your children.

Yes he is taking the piss.