Can I ask them to pay? play date dilemma, need advice!

[Amislytherin]

My daughter attends a sensory group (she has ADHD and sensory issues once a week). out of this group have come some lovely friendships between the mums, one in particular. We sometimes meet for a play out with the group and yesterday was one of these days and we met at my house. Her son was very hyped up with my daughter and they were playing nicely if a little on the boisterous side (which I more than understand as both have significant sensory needs)
Anyway, I’d asked them both several times to stop running around so fast, and then directly asked her son to stop gently while holding quite a heavy sensory ball that he always carries. I was worried he’d hurt himself or bang into my 1.5 year old who was toddling around. My friend was trying to catch up on work emails at the time so was aware but distracted. .
next thing I know, there is a bang and a smash and we run upstairs to see that the window has been cracked by the ball being thrown at it. It’s a huge crack and will 100% need replaced as looks like it can shatter at any time.
cue hysterics from all kids, me trying to calm everyone down and mainly just checking no one was hurt which luckily they weren’t. My friend left shortly afterwards saying she was sorry, this often happens in their home so she knows how annoying it is and she can send me the number of their glazier.
sure enough she sent me
the number last night with a “sorry about today, here is X number they are really
good. See you at the group next week, remember it’s dress up day xx”
I guess I was hoping / assuming she’d offer to pay but she hasn’t. I’m now in awkward position as my default is to just leave it and avoid confrontation but I really really can’t afford a glazier cost of what I’m estimating to be around £200-250 as it’s a slightly awkward shaped double glazed window.
Is it reasonable to ask Her to pay for it? Go halves? or do I just suck it up and stick it on my credit card and accept it’s part of play dates? We don’t have any other play dates so I don’t really know what’s the norm for breakages in someone else’s house ☹️thank you in advance

She has already admitted it happens alot in her home! To the point she has the number for a glazier to hand.
Of course she should pay. her son has form for chucking stuff through windows it seems.
I'd defintiely send the text @TillyTrifle suggested and go from there.

Of course on playdates you expect there may be some accidental stuff, like a vase or ornament accidently knocked over, or a toy broken, but you don't expect the child to lob stuff through your windows.
And as it happens alot apparently, it doesn't sound accidental.
If he has additional needs and can not understand about not throwing heavy objects at windows, she should of at least warned you!

I have to go against flow here and say YABU. Similar thing happened in my house with TV screen getting smashed. I let them play Wii with controllers attached to their wrist but son's friend still went to close. They were 9 year olds too. We didn't charge friend's parents for new TV. Accidents happen when kids are at play.

Sorry, but neither of you were supervising the children properly, so you were clearly happy to take chances of something happening in/to your home. They both have special needs. You know that. So they need 'special' supervising.

You knew her son had form for playing in a way that you thought was inappropriate. You had already spoken to him about it. And yet you still left him alone, unsupervised in your home.

I think you're going to have to suck it up and pay for the damage.

If you're unhappy about it, stop having playdates with him in your home or supervise him properly if you do.

Mum always said "you break, you buy".

I would be asking for at least some of the cost, if not all. How awkward for you.

This is the way to handle it.

And let the chips fall where they may.

You are not going to feel comfortable with this woman again, no matter what you decide to do. I'm guessing you're never going to invite the child over to your house again either.

So you might as well be very straightforward about your request for the cost of replacing the window.

She is going to go through friends fast if she thinks it's OK to let her child run wild in other people's homes while she sits back and gets on with her paid work.

Her fellow parents are not unpaid babysitters.

I don't think you should send passive aggressive messages like the ones suggested. You should just be straight up with your friend and ask her if you think it's fair for her to pay or at least pay halves considering it was her child who broke your window. She should be understanding and if she isn't then she's not a good person!

@Amislytherin Definitely ask them OP. Those saying you should just take the hit obviously aren't on the same budget.

'Please could you possibly send me some money towards the cost of getting the window replaced? As it was broken by {son's name.} I wouldn't ask, but I live on a very tight budget and can't afford it.'

It did make me 😁though!

I know hindsight is a great thing - but - You should have taken the ball off them when they were running around with it - 'sorry you might cause damage with that' remove item...

I'd be angling for half the costs - they egged each other on for sure

This is a good suggestion - and seems fairer than the 'assume the other person is totally responsible' brigade.

Honestly? If my son (I highly suspect ADHD and sensory issues so I can certainly relate) broke something in someone else's house that was expensive to repair, I would physically struggle to pay for it.

But for that reason, I would not let him be boisterous and if he really couldn't stop I was ask if I could take him outside or just leave.

Because this scenario is my worst nightmare!

I think as you didn’t actually see it happen I’d be expecting to go 50/50 - but she is definitely a CF to not offer immediately it happened.

She’s not a keeper regardless!

children unsupervised playing with a ball - its hardly surprising somethig was broken.

The main problem is you can't be 100% sure who broke the window.

I think you need to cover the cost.

You can’t afford it but maybe she can’t afford it either?

Agree with others, ask if it would be best for the glazier to invoice her directly.

I’d definitely end up just paying it cos I’d be too awkward.

She pays. If she doesn’t, don’t be shy about calling her out. And telling everyone at the group not to invite her son round due to the damage he’ll cause and the bills they’ll be left with.

Why on earth would you split the cost?

Cheeky mare. She knew that this could happen because it often happens in her house! Ask her to pay, he did the damage she needs to pay.

I think asking if she'd like for you to get the glazier to invoice her is incredibly passive aggresive and rude to be honest. Just message and say you can't afford to fix it and as both children were running around and her DS admitted it was him (he apologised!) then you'd like her to go halves.

Maybe my suggested message was a bit blunt or passive aggressive but let’s be honest, this woman knows full well her son did it and hasn’t apologised or made any geature towards paying. She clearly has zero intention to pay a penny and is quite happy leaving it to be the OP’s problem. So I can’t see a very polite and British hint type message or meek question about how she feels about paying something getting the OP very far. If this ‘friend’ has the hide of a rhino (which you’d have to be to have your child break a window and then breeze off home leaving the number of a glazier!) then direct and forceful is the only way! You need to let people like that know that you’re not a doormat.

If you are using home insurance for a £200 loss you are definitely using it wrong. Home insurance is intended for big losses. Even if you have a small excess- £100- you should not claim for a £200 loss. That £100 you'd get back will push your premiums up for the next five years. You will lose more money overall. And no it's not an evil insurer thing, its statistically likely someone who makes a claim will be a higher risk for making more claims, and the amount of the claim paid isn't as big a factor as you'd think. Personally I wouldn't claim for anything below £500.

Its difficult OP as I think you were a bit negligent yourself. You allowed two children you knew were being boisterous to play unsupervised. In your shoes id not have allowed them out of sight when i knew they were getting over excited. It's your home, so you should be more alert to the possible risks than a visitor would be. Its not unreasonable for her to have thought given you allowed them up stairs it was safe. The boy was not being boisterous by himself, both children were, together. He was just unlucky in that his behaviour had the consequences. So, I think you should go halves. And I'd politely ask her to do so.

I'm fairly sure it's on the parent who should have been supervising the children.
Theoretically if an adult is supervising and a child gets hurt who is responsible then?
I think you got off lightly that only a window for damaged.