Is X unreasonable expecting me to use child benefit to buy DDs clothes?

[Flowerpower333]

Who is being unreasonable here?
DH and I have split up and he gets keys to his new house on Friday.
We’ve just started talking about how to divide paying for DD’s things.
We will share custody, and since we split up, I have been the one to take her on holiday as he doesn’t like going on holiday. He will probably never take her on holiday except to visit relatives to sit in their house eating their food. (minimal costs)
towards DDs holidays. DH wants me to use the child benefit to buy DDs clothes instead. Am I being unreasonable to think that he should pay for half of her clothes and allow me to use the child benefit for her cultural education, as outlined above?

If you are sharing custody, I think child benefit should be split 50:50, so that you can each use your half on her as you see fit, e.g. clothes, holidays, food.

What do you mean by cultural education?
If you have 50/50 care you should be sharing the CB anyway

It depends what both your incomes are as to what a fair split of things is. Take advice from a solicitor as to what a fair split of finances would be. This is what we did. 50/50 is not always ‘fair’.

If custody is 50/50 then CB should be shared and spent as you each see fit, surely?

Clothes first... isn't that a no brainer?

Plenty of kids don't get holidays, or get them only every few years. They're luxury items these days.

What proportion of her time will be at each household?

If 50/50, then yes I do think it's fair that the CB is spent on something - like clothes - that DC needs and which can be used whichever household she is in.

Discretionary things like holidays each parent provides according to their means and inclination

50/50 doesn't always mean no child maintenance

Clothes is a much better use of child benefit than holidays. Calling your holiday a cultural education seems like a bit of a stretch

So he's going for 50/50 to get out of maintenance? She'll have a crap time with him and he won't buy anything practical for her.
He needs to step up or pay maintenance.

Sorry, how on earth did you come up with that theory based on this post? I think you are projecting just a little.

Holidays are luxuries, clothes are essential. Chid benefit is for essentials.

if You do decide to use the child benefits for holidays, what happens if dh decides to take dc away. Will you then give him a proportion?

You seriously think it should be used for holiday? Unbelievable

It's £20 a week.
Will you be sending over his half (a tenner) each week or keeping it?
Doesn't it just go into your household pot?
I've never known anyone who spends their CB on specific things - it's just added to the pot to be spent as a when needed.
I got mine last Tuesday. £50 went straight on an Iceland food shop.

I have 50/50 with my ex. I claim the child benefit and pay for all the after school activities, school trips, school lunches. It doesn’t cover all of them, I also pay for most of the school uniform. Ex pays for the other clothing. We will both buy shoes etc as needed. He does more trips/ will take them out to restaurant. Buys techie stuff like laptops etc

What are your incomes like? Could you pay child benefit into an account and use it for clothes, classes, haircuts, swimming lessons etc. You will both have to top it up equally.

She needs clothes. She doesn’t need holidays. If you want holidays you can use the money you earn or other benefits to fund them.

A strange question.

Your DH is right, not you.

How do you pay for things like hobbies, after school activities, school dinner, childcare etc (basically the things which aren't day to day living such as food).

Is your income roughly equal?

Cultural education !!! I am so using that
No I am not going on holiday - I am going on a cultural training course

Cultural education 😂

you want to keep all the benefits so you can go on holiday? Holidays are a luxury and a privilege when money allows, clothes are a necessity.

Ex and I have joint account. I get cb but pay it in there along with each of our agreed amounts. Covers school bus, dinners, clothes, hair cuts and their weekly activities. We each pay for own family time things.

Works out well for me as I can ask ex to sort DC a new coat and he will. We do both get a lot of hunted and neither takes the piss

If he really wants true 50/50 then a) the child benefit should be split 50/50 and b) all costs outside of immediate living costs in your individual homes should be split 50/50.

Let' say you are that the CB is for clothes ... what about extra curricular activities? what about school uniform? Phone/gaming contracts when she's' older? swimming lessons? afterschool club? halloween costume?....

I'm more concerned that he's so worked up about this than about how you make a final decision to split things. Because it rather suggests he's not planning to genuinely meet 50/50 of the costs.

To be fair - I got my education paid for by the government

@Flowerpower333 well if you are sharing custody, then surely he should be paying for the clothes which stay at his house?? is he expecting you to provided all the clothing for both houses???? I always though the child benefit was to a) keep a roof over her head, b) provide food for child c) and heat for child. dont think cultural education ie holidays comes into it. many families never go on holiday

Needs come first

I put the child benefit into a bank account for the kids expenses along with both me and my Ex putting the same amount in monthly too. This covers uniform, school lunches, trips, parties, clothes, swimming lessons, clubs etc.

We each pay for things we do with the kids separately ourselves.

Works well so far.

If we didn't do that we would prob split the child benefit 50:50