Is X unreasonable expecting me to use child benefit to buy DDs clothes?

[Flowerpower333]

Who is being unreasonable here?
DH and I have split up and he gets keys to his new house on Friday.
We’ve just started talking about how to divide paying for DD’s things.
We will share custody, and since we split up, I have been the one to take her on holiday as he doesn’t like going on holiday. He will probably never take her on holiday except to visit relatives to sit in their house eating their food. (minimal costs)
towards DDs holidays. DH wants me to use the child benefit to buy DDs clothes instead. Am I being unreasonable to think that he should pay for half of her clothes and allow me to use the child benefit for her cultural education, as outlined above?

When I was growing up CB was always spent on clothes first.

Split that too, do what you feel benefits her best with each half.

I think that using CB for clothes isn't a bad idea - so many families have the clothing issue when they split up. I've lost count of people on here and in real life who are frustrated because they are buying all the clothes, including the bigger items like shoes and coats, but the ex then doesn't return them or wash them or whatever. So this would avoid that particular issue and split the cost of clothing more fairly.

You should be having these conversations about how you pay for larger expenses that aren't related to food/rent/bills at home.

Child benefit should be used on what fgd child needs not luxuries. Personally, I think you dhould set up a savings account for DC and save the child benefit for their future rather than go on holiday with it. Unfortunately, I'm nog in a position to save it and it goes on food and clothing.

Cultural education is pushing it 😆

If you’d said activities like swimming or Rainbows then I’d agree but holidays are a luxury.

Have you considered you and ex buying your own clothes ? If you and him have different opinions on cost then buying separate means not chasing him after half.

If people can afford to save child benefit, I think we need to relook at who gets it. If someone is saving it, they clearly don’t need it - why should taxpayers pay for someone’s savings?

You should be sharing the essential costs, but if you want to take her on holiday then you need to pay for it out of your own surplus funds. The child benefit should not be ring fenced to boost your surplus funds, it should be in the pot to help with essentials.

There has to be a threshold somewhere. At the moment I think it's under 50k per Adult. A couple could be just under 100k and still get it. After that there's some sort of tax. Some people will be able to save it for for the child's future. I'm not one of them. It doesn't matter if I like it. I don't make the rules. Once it's in @Flowerpower333 account she can use it as she pleases. However, I think savings for the child's future education/ home should be prioritised over AB annual holiday.

Yes I would, but if I don’t do this she won’t get a holiday. That is my point.
I appreciate that many children don’t get a holiday but we’re talking about my child and she only get holidays if I take her.

I need to know that she has a good amount of clothes and in good condition which she will wear at my house and his house , I think maybe people are not taking into account the personality of DH e I would like to share the cost of clothes equally between us. DH has never bought the clothes. I always buy them and I don’t want Dd to suffer because DH is reckless and so i need to go out and buy the clothes.

Just the things that I said above: making sure she has books and comics, trips out and activities, as well as holidays. She loves city breaks, and so has she hasn’t been able to have them for the whole of her life, I’ve started to take it on them.

I don’t think you’re taking into account the personality of my ex. This wouldn’t happen which is why I’m trying to make sure everything is still good for her. Clothes as well as activities.

It sounds like your ex is a dick. that is true. So actually, there's an argument that as he's not going to pay for clothes anyway (based on what you're saying) you SHOULD use the child benefit for that then at least you know your child is clothed appropriately and it's not coming out of your pocket.

yes, it's a pity re holidays, but at the end of the day, if he won't pay for clothes he's 'certainly not going to pay for holidays. It is what it is.

He needs to buy clothes, footwear, and school uniform/ PE kit for her to wear while she's in his home.

Do not send her to his house with clothes, pajamas, toothbrush, school uniform, etc. He needs to provide for his child. He needs to buy a bed, bedding, books, art stuff, toothbrush, toothpaste - the comforts of home, because his house is her home too.

What you do with child support is your own business. He has no say in how you spend it. You can buy whatever you want for her, or whatever she needs, including food you eat with her.

The clothes and shoes you buy should stay at your home.

Why can’t you just buy second hand clothes? My children basically only wear second hand from vinted, as do a lot of their friends. They all go to a fee paying school but the parents often talk about their good vinted finds!

He should be paying for clothes at his house. A certain amount of ebb and flow between houses, favourite hoodies goings everywhere etc is to be expected, but it's not on you to provide every stitch she wears. At 50/50 she should just be able to rock up at whichever house with no luggage and have everything she needs there.
Otherwise 50/50 sounds more like a wheeze to avoid maintenance payments and clothes probably the thin end of the wedge.

Netflix sub, disney sub, prime sub… 😎

I never get why people say this ,she will.be staying with him 50% so any money that would have been spent on maintenance to the other parent gets directly spent on the child
And how do you know she will have a crap.time based on a few messages on a thread !🙄

As I said, don't buy clothes that she will wear when with him. Send her in the clothes on her back.

You are going to have to force his hand here.

If he refuses to buy clothes (or footwear, etc) for her, take him to court and revisit the 50-50 arrangement. He needs to pay, one way or the other, for his child's needs. If you are splitting CB, then he is benefiting financially from the arrangement even more than the lack of child support payments.

She's not camping in his house when she's with him. She's living in what should be her other home. Therefore she should have clothes, pajamas, underwear, socks, swimsuit, dressing gown, slippers, school uniform, PE kit, sport clothes, outerwear for different weather conditions, footwear, books, hobby stuff, craft stuff, and all the soap, shampoo, conditioner, etc, that she needs, at his house.

This ^

Cultural education 🤣 if you want a holiday, pay for it out of your money

Is it a 50/50 split? If so, the cb really ought to be split, morally, regardless of your ex's personality.

Its not savings its education

How would that be moral. I won’t know what he’s spending it on and he won’t spend it on clothes or activities or books. He will probably spend it on crisps so how is that morally right?

Why should you know what he’s spending it on? Once it’s in his control, it’s his decision.

He has no business asking you what you’re spending it on either.

I can afford to go on holiday myself, but I don’t see why I should pay for all of DD’s holidays. I’m not talking about lying in the Sun. I’m talking about going to cities, visiting museums, et cetera which is what my child likes to do. Is there any need to be so judgemental or petty?

I don't allocate child benefit to specific things. It all goes in one pot.

If you have 50/50 custody he should be paying half of her clothing costs.