AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

When my son was in year 4 and 5 he was repeatedly physically bullied by the same child. I told the school that as soon as that child turned 10 I would stop reporting to the school and instead would be reporting it to the police.

I did end up reporting to the police (by then I had a dossier of evidence too) their schools partnership officer got involved and facilitated a bollocking to the bully and his parents - one of whom was a teacher in the school. It did resolve things but I had to keep on to the school - there was also a residential trip on the horizon to I raised the bully’s attendance as a safeguarding concern.

I let the school deal with it for far too long. They faffed around with restorative justice and “consequences” but nothing worked until I made the police report.

It was lucky your ex was able to get to your DD. My nieces' school residential trip is to the Isle of Wight! No way would I be paying for a ferry to go and collect because of another child's bad behaviour!

Your DD is being punished for another child's bad behaviour. I would be setting out all the additional costs that have arisen as a result of this. The cost of repair and replacement of glasses, the mileage costs for your ex to go and collect her, etc. Plus, the lost cost of the school trip that she now can't participate in!

Also, the amount of time your DD has missed out of school because of this other child, and the time out of your lives taken going back and forth to the opticians and ex driving for 2+ hours to collect her.

The HT needs to explain exactly what they are going to do to:

• reprimand/punish this other child for their behaviour so far; and
• ensure that this cannot happen again (other child kept at a distance in the classroom and in a separate/supervised break time).

Bottom line is that your child should not be the one to be disadvantaged any further by this other child's behaviour.

Do you know this child and/or their parents at all? I don't think I'd be able to resist saying something at the school gates. If the other child has SEN issues I probably wouldn't say anything - it's on the school to keep tabs on them, but if they're just being a little shit, then I wouldn't have any qualms about saying something. Unfortunately, it's possible that this child is learning their behaviour at home, so it might not help.

I'd be devastated if my child did that to another, which resulted in another child having their school trip cut short.

I have voted YANBU, but really you shouldn’t be in this position where you feel you have no alternative. Poor show from the school. I hope your meeting with the Principal proves useful.

And I feel so outraged for your poor DD.

Agreed - once I would be prepared to deal with as an accident but it's not fair for your DD to miss out and you to have to spend money (or have spent money on a ruined trip) because of another child.

Which they have according the the OP

Check the time of my post - it was four minutes after the OP and the FOURTH comment. Hope that helps

In my school we have a child who is profoundly autistic, and can be very volatile. Her go-to reaction to something that triggers her is to snatch at the nearest person’s glasses. Both the TAs who support her wear them. She has broken a fair few pairs of them over the years! She’s never broken a child’s glasses because she won’t go near the other children. Eventually, school agreed to pay for replacement glasses and both TAs were happy with this.
OP, I think school should pay a set amount towards repair or replacements.

id be a dick and take the invoices into the school head to send to that child’s parents for reimbursement as it’s clearly deliberate.

The o t her child may well have soecial needs

The school is not safeguarding your child appropriately and failing in its duty of care for your child. You need to use that sentence, or something like it, in your meeting. Hammer home their failure to safeguarding and their failure to fulfil their duty of care obligations..

Your daughter is also statemented, which should mean there are extra safeguarding provisions in place for her as she will be considered more vulnerable.

This should never have happened at the first time ... and now it's happened 3 TIMES. Unacceptable. They knew she was a target of this child; he said he was going to break her glasses. And now he's gone and done it 3x on their watch.
And your daughter's trip has been ruined because of it.

I would be billing the school for the costs of replacing the glasses for all 3x they've been broken and demanding the trip monies be refunded to you immediately.

If they want to claw it back from the family, let them pursue it with the family. The school is supposed to be protecting your child; they are responsible for the damages to you; tell them you expect the school to reimburse you while the school pursues it with the family.

I think school should be paying for the replacement glasses and trip refund. Their negligence in failing to separate the children after two incidents in close succession.
I'd let your daughter choose re time off school. If you can and if she would rather let her stay off for a week while they will be doing follow up work off the back of the trip, everyone will be talking about it, and it may be upsetting to her. She may prefer to be back with her friends though.

I don’t know what you have to pay for the glasses but take your receipts and present them to the school to pay. If they can’t keep them safe and they are part of your child’s access to education then they can pay for replacements.

you need to get the equalities policy, bullying possibly and discipline policy - read them before your meeting. They should be on the website of the school.

critically you need to ask the head if they consider it acceptable that your child’s school trip has been cut short as a result of intentional actions by another child who has not only threatened this but achieved it on now three occasions. Lay it on thick with the impact this has on your child including self esteem and confidence and her concerns about being in school where she is being excluded from education as a result of this other child.

be clear you won’t tolerate your child being penalised while the antagonist continues with these lovely trips and play. You want to know what sanctions will be put in place if the child can move classes and what will be put in place at play times to protect your child.

if the answers are not satisfactory look at the complaints procedure and escalate to the governors immediately

They may. Which would actually make this worse as the school would be failing to adequately supervise and safeguard two children, not just one.

Sadly if the child behaves like this, her parents won’t be the best.

I’d put everything in writing and would take this as high up the chain as possible.

I don’t know if the police would take things seriously but the threat of getting police involvement and calling it what it is - bullying and assault - might help?

Can you take somebody with you to the meeting OP? And ask for people higher up the chain to be present and a written record of the meeting within three working days be cc’d to the board of mgt. Record it too so you can do this yourself if necessary. .

Print off a copy of their anti bullying policy and ask how they have adhered to each point.

Unfortunately some schools are just bad.

All of this ☝🏻excellent advice

As an aside from everyone else's great advice (and I'm so sorry for your poor DD!), would she be interested in trying contact lenses? I started wearing mine around primary school and obviously it avoids the issue of glasses being broken/needing repair/other kids being able to manhandle them.

The parents of that child should be paying for the glasses and repairs. The school should explain how will they keep your child safe, not just that the other child had been dealt with.

Don't let them fob you off tomorrow. You need a concrete plan for how they will stop this happening again. Specifics, not wiffly-waffly platitudes.

This is so awful have no advise but poor Dd!

This is bullying. Tell them it is a safeguarding issue. Ask what measures are being put in place to keep your dd safe from this child.

Get your dd to tell you exactly what happened. Write it down & take it with you.

Have a look at the school policies. They should be on the school website. Print off a copy. Highlight any parts relevant to this issue.

Also check local education authority website to see any rules/procedures they should be following.

Go in armed with information. They won't expect it.

Whilst in school it is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to keep her safe.

Your daughter needs you. Good luck Op.

X posted with @PlanningTowns . Very good advice.

I’ve been thinking about this since earlier. I’d be so fucked off, I’d demand a replacement trip as DD has deliberately been excluded from this one. She needs that making up to her at the school’s expense.

Also - where is her 121 now? Can she go back into school if the 121 is still on the trip?

Poor OP and poor your DD. How awful. You've had very good advice. I just wanted to add that as you'll know, with your DD having an EHCP you have extra protection and the school would have to explain to the LA if the placement didn't work. They need to be very clear how they are going to safeguard your DD. Three times in quick succession shows that they really haven't been doing enough.

Absolutely this!

Have you read the OPs posts?
No, you haven't.