AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

There’s something really fucked up about the vile bullying child being left to stay and enjoy the trip, while your daughter is sent home because the horrible little shit has deliberately broken every pair of her glasses now.

People should suffer the consequences of their own actions, even young children.

Whether the child has a problem with glasses and is triggered by them, or is just an unpleasant little bully, it should not be your DD who misses out because of this problem.

Insist the school sort this out with the other child and their parents.

Obviously I sympathise with your issue, but by phrasing your complaint about your current experience of bullying as whether you're unreasonable to remove your daughter, muddies the water and means you are.

The other child should be being dealt with by school and his/her own parents, and if necessary, the one removed. Your DD's education is important. She doesn't give it up because someone else can't behave well.

Oh o feel sis try for your DD, it’s just not in that she’s being targeted like this and the school MUST tell you how they will ensure this never happens again.

I would be asking for the parents of the other child to pay for the replacement glasses and the cost of the trip (if same child).

if you are paying for any of those you need to tell the school to pay . As for the rest I would be contacting ofsted . Your child is clearly not safe at school , you need to put a stop to this asap . Why is nobody controlling the other child ?

How old are they? You say DD is being prepped for secondary school so likely over 10? If so, especially given the threat, this looks like pretty clear criminal damage and since the school have been ineffective I’d probably go to the police and file a crime report. Then consider suing the parents in small claims for the cost of the glasses and the school trip (unsure on whether you could claim from the parents for the kid’s actions in school, though, as supervision is down to the teachers).

I would be furious with the school too. They have clearly been completely ineffective at safeguarding your DD and it has now interrupted an important and unrepeatable part of her education and is likely having a really damaging effect on her attitude towards school which could have a long term detrimental impact.

My DD’s glasses are worth £500. She is practically blind without them. £50 of that is for the frames. glasses are expensive and you should get legal advice

Wishing you the best for tomorrow

on the contrary I’ve read every single one

I think you need to be ready to push back with the Head, tomorrow. Schools will always try to avoid the B(ullying) word and they're likely to also attempt to blame everything on 'issues' that the other child has, while stating they can't be discussed. They may need reminding that they have as much of a duty of care towards your DD.

I'm sure they won't even bother denying, with this being the fourth identical incident but they do like to wiggle out of responsibility!

I'd be pushing for the other child to be suspended and moved to another class. There also need to be measures taken to keep them away from DD at playtime/lunch time. Make sure anything promised is sent to you in writing and make it clear that if the issues continue, or if the agreed measures aren't put into place, you will be raising a complaint with the Academy Trust/LEA.

Your poor DD must be so upset, bless her. Having to leave her friends at the Residential is so sad. I'm sure there's a financial implication there, too! Never mind the glasses!

I'm so glad other kids have been around to witness what's happened and are supporting her.

The most important thing is that you need assurances from the school that your child will be safe there and that the aids she has to help her see, will no longer be damaged.

It may very well be that the child who has been damaging them has SEND, or has sensory issues about glasses, or any other kind of difficulty with them. If that’s the case, there should be a clear plan in place, so that if she is triggered when she sees a child wearing glasses, she can be removed from the situation.

Your child should not be disadvantaged by the needs of another child. No child should be. The parents of the other child will have to be their advocate. Your concern is your child, her education and her capacity to take part in school life to the best of her ability.

If the child doesn’t have any SEND, there’s no excuse for that behaviour and it should be sanctioned.

Clearly consequences haven’t been issued as the bully was on the trip.

Your child should not have to miss school or trips or be marginalised or discriminated against further: the school have a big issue and I hope that you take this complaint very high up.

I am so sorry

DD would be kept away from the child or children involved.

They should be keeping the at-fault children away from your DD, not the other way around.

I second this. It is persistent physical bullying. If the other child was not sent hom from the residential then the school as clearly not taking this seriously. In your shoes I would go to the governors, and ask for everything agreed or mentioned in the meeting with the head in writing too. I'd be requesting that your daughter is sat away from the bully and not placed together in group works. Possibly for the bully 5o be moved class too.

I would also be asking for reimbursement for the money you spent on the residential and would be taking your daughter out to do something special with a couple of friends to make up for it.

I admire your restraint OP, I'd be livid. Your poor Dd.

If the other child has such significant SEND that they cannot understand cause and effect, consequences or be reasonably expected to manage the impulse control, why are the school continuing to allow the child into any situation where he/she is able to do this?

Where's the risk assessment? If this child is going to make a beeline for yours to get the glasses then that child is never permitted in the same space or sight of your child at any time, it's that simple. It'll be phenomenally inconvenient to manage, but that's no excuse, and the other child's routines should be adapted and changed not your daughter's. For example the child needs playtimes in an alternative supervised space and not permitted on the playground where they may be inspired to make a dash for the glasses. And if that's not possible then the child's needs cannot be met within the school. Your child cannot have daily new glasses.

As for being sent home from the residential because the child did it again (and staff let them!) ..... yes, I'd pull your child out of school purely because that will put the wind up them, and be very clear that they are staying out (and you're letting the local authority know you're doing this and why so they're accountable there too) until they can convince you that they have this situation under control and it cannot happen again. And yes, the other child should have been sent home on the spot too. Even if their SEND is such that this is really in no way their responsibility and they can have no understanding at all of what they've done, they still should have been sent home. For them to continue with an experience that their actions have deprived another child of (another child with SEND) is just not acceptable and the other children and your dd need to see this. And staff need to be accountable to both families that they are apparently utterly incapable of managing this child.

Small Claims court - if it’s the same child, you need to take them to court for the cost of the trip and the glasses.

That’s a fair point how has a child who’s stolen and broken someone’s stuff twice in a week been allowed onto the residential trip.

normally bad behaviour would have you banned

Good luck with the meeting. They are failing your daughter as she's being bullied and targeted. Whether the other kid has needs or is just behaving like a little shot they are not protecting either of them. Complain and be ready to involve governors and to escalate it further if need be. Your daughter is not being protected despite them knowing what the other kid is doing.

Obviously the main issue to be resolved is the pupil damaging your daughter's glasses, but in the meantime could you consider using something like these.

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That’s a fair point how has a child who’s stolen and broken someone’s stuff twice in a week been allowed onto the residential trip.

It is a fair point.

It's also absolutely staggering that both children were taken on the trip with apparently no effective plan in place to ensure that this didn't happen.

I’m horrified, your poor DD.
It’s time to read the riot act at school. They are not protecting your daughter, they need to proactively keep this child away from her, separate play area , separate outdoor time if necessary. I’d start asking why this child is targeting your dd, is it discrimination etc…

Was the other child removed from the residential? Should have been.

School Governor here. (and SEND parent!)

I would expect the other child to have been sent home too - for committing a violent act against another child. No reason why they should get to enjoy the trip that they have destroyed for your DD.

I would expect reimbursement in full for the trip they wrecked and yes at least 1 pair of spare glasses for DD so she doesn't miss out on more education the next time they decide to do this. Yes they should reclaim from the parent - who will likey refuse to pay and yes otherwise it should come from school budget. They failed in their duty of care and need to be made fully aware of this.

Take a look at your schools behaviour policy - should be on the website. Ask whether the culpit is being dealt with in accordance with that policy.

Take a look at the anti bullying policy - is your child being dealth with in accordance to that policy.

If you Ex can join the meeting via video call ask for that to happen - sadly dads do still carry more weight in some schools

I would expect the culprit to be moved class - not your DD - and I dont care wether that is not the right class for him. They have a duty of care to keep your DD safe and keeping her in the same environment as a child who wrecked 4 pairs of glasses in 3 weeks and who expresses his desire to continue to damage her glasses is not keeping her safe.

Remember you can complain to the chair of governors if you are not satisfied that DD will be safe in school, who will be required to investigate and then take this further to OsSted if need be (- check the complaints procedure and ensure you follow the steps to do this.)

Agree. Actually wasn’t this a safety consideration, doesn’t look like much if a risk assessment took place. And the glasses fell from a height….I really hope the two children weren’t at the height together. School is failing big time.

At my son's school, when they had their residential last year there was a boy with SEND that had to be constantly supervised by an adult to prevent problems. For a while it wasn't even confirmed whether he was going to be allowed to go to the residential due to the safety issues. In the end he went, but he and his family knew that at any moment he could be sent home if anything happened. He was sent home almost at the end of the trip when something serious happened. So, I don't understand why the child that keeps breaking your daughter's glasses was allowed to go in the first place and why was he allowed to stay after what happened. Why does the school version of the event doesn't match your daughter's? Are there any witnesses that saw this other boy involved in breaking the glasses while they were in the residential?

When you have your meeting with the headteacher, make sure you get in written the proposed measures to ensure this doesn't happen again. Even if they say they can discuss the other child and his consequences, they can discuss the plan they will put in place to protect your daughter.

In our school when there have been similar incidents with a child with SEND that put in risk the safety of others outside the classroom (or even in the classroom), the child was given an internal exclusion (child was allowed to be in the school but worked outside the classroom, and was not allowed outside at playtime at the same time as the rest of the class). Another measure is for that child to have a member of staff outside with them during playtime to prevent them from approaching your daughter at all times.

Hope your meeting goes well. It is a good thing you will be recording it. After the meeting you could write an email and confirm everything that has been said/proposed to have written confirmation. It will be important to have a written paper trail in case you need to escalate your complain.