AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Has the other child been sent home as well? If not why not?
Your daughter is not a support person for this other child and there is no excuse for her being deliberately targeted. This is something that I would raise at the meeting and I would be raising how and what they are doing to safeguard her from this constant negative behaviour towards her. You need to be her advocate and ensure that the school is aware that you will take it further if the situation is not rectified . Ask for copies of the schools bullying policies and the chair of the board of governors name, ideally before the meeting, so they are aware that you will no longer be fobbed off with excuses and no action. Good luck x

Nothing helpful to add but poor DD, totally unacceptable and the school should be right on it with a strategy to make sure this can't happen again.

I'd also be asking to be reimbursed for at least part of the trip and your traveling expenses to collect her.

Some people might find glasses triggering but the child in question told the OPs DD that she was going to smash her glasses months before it happens. There is an element of deliberate targeting and making sure they were completely broken that shows a lot of capacity on behalf of the child. I used to work in a special school where some children would grab glasses but they would not have the ability to show the level of targeting and malice that this child has.

I hope the meeting goes well with school tomorrow. I don’t think they have dealt with this appropriately at all.

Would it not be the case that the other child does this to every single glasses wearer they come across and not just ops dd?

I'm livid on your daughter's behalf.

No matter what they can't tell you in regard to how they've handled the other child, I'd be in the head's office raising a few points:

Damage to daughter's glasses equivalent to damaging a wheelchair, it renders your child unable to fully participate in school life, that's an equality issue

Persistent damage seemingly by one child raises the issue of bullying, what's the plan to protect your child without limiting your child's engagement in school

Having to bring your child home from the residential is an equality/accessibility issue; refund and policy review necessary

Is the bully also being removed from the residential as their behaviour should absolutely have consequences

Having the glasses physically removed from your child sounds like a potential assault upon the person, a safeguarding issue. What protections can your daughter actually rely on at this school?

Are the governors aware that all this is going on? Headteacher first, then governors surely, before OFSTED?

Would it not be the case that the other child does this to every single glasses wearer they come across and not just ops dd?
According to the teachers at DS school, no. They tended to pick on one glasses wearer, because it's worked in the past, or pick on adults, rather than children.

The issues the other child are facing are irrelevant. They are not a safe person for your dd to be around regardless of the reason. If they have MH issues causing this then they deserve gentleness and sympathy, but they still can't be allowed near her unsupervised for even a second. It sounds like they shouldn't really be in the same class or to be at playtime together full stop. Sometimes glasses get trivialised because many wear them for minor vision correction. Given this is not the case here, how dare the school minimise the effect this has on her.

It's bullying, assault and theft.

Invoice the parents for the destroyed property.

Complain to whoever it is that oversees the school policy and procedures.

Obviously completely failing in their child safeguarding - for both kids. What's going on at the destructive little *£&#!'s home that's causing them to behave like that?

I was your DD. To this day my heart still races remembering how I felt being picked on for wearing (ugly, NHS at the time) glasses, and the names I was called. Always the same two girls. Awful, awful bullying which nearly 50 years on still makes me so angry.

You MUST stand up for your DD. The glasses are just a visible manifestation of the actual bullying that's going on. The other child won't be ignoring your DD all day, then randomly going up to her and snatching her glasses off her face: there will be verbal taunting and threatening preceding it, laughing afterwards, and other children standing around awkwardly laughing or not laughing.

I'm sure you have, but just think about what it would feel like to have someone come up to you and snatch your bag off you, your hat off your head, your phone out of your hand, your wallet out of your pocket. Your daughter has been mugged. It's a big word to use, but she will feel assaulted, repeatedly, by the same person in what should be a safe place (school).

In no way should your daughter be kept off school. She should be welcome back, reassured, not miss out on friendship time and education, and given a reassuring talk by her teacher. The other child should be suspended, at the very least.

This is NOT ok. As you can see, it can be very scarring. Please, please don't let your DD pay the price. The other child needs disciplining, your child needs support and reassurance - and an apology.

So your poor dd has had to leave her fun trip, and the other child is still there having fun…… please let us know what the head says!

When poor Brianna Ghey's death was being discussed people speculated about reasons for social isolation and awkwardness around other teenagers. All I could see was those thick thick lenses. I'm really glad the OP is prepared to go into battle to support her child (also glad that she has friends at school who share her distress). The school should not have let this happen once, never mind three times.

If it's the same child id be asking for a meeting with the parent and head and asking them to contribute towards the replacements

Yes, submit the receipts/invoices from Specsavers to the school for the other parents to pay, or for even the school to pay themselves! They are partially to blame, as they should have stopped it after the FIRST time, not allowed a second and third time to carry on!

It is wilful (and continued !) damage of another person's medical aids, and I would go to the police.

School need to make sure this child is basically kept away from your DD at all costs.

The parents or school should be paying for all the costs relating to the damaged glasses including for now part of the residential trip being missed. The child should have been sent home as well tbh.

They are completely failing in their duty to keep your child safe at school, she’s being stolen from having her property broken on purpose and I’d say a form of assault as they are ripping them off her face.

Basically being bullied in the wide open and school are doing nothing to stop it. Bullied by one child so bad she’s had to leave a school trip.

As well as recording the meeting id make sure you follow up with it written in an email.

If the other child is over 10 I’d definitely mention reporting to the police and I’d do it as well.

Or in this instance the kid is just a badly behaved little shit who is picking on OP’s daughter.

Hope you have a successful meeting with the HT tomorrow and come away with something more robust than the usual woolly assurances that schools are so good at issuing

I am just wondering if the other child has been sent home from the trip to? Surely they cannot be suitably supervised at all times especially at night if its a residential. I think its awful your poor daughter has had this taken away from her.
I think you need to ask how they are going to keep your daughter safe at school?

I would be speaking to the bully child's parents rather than keeping my child home. They should be paying for new glasses as well.

I am so gutted for your DD! Do not hold back in the meeting. Something has to be done.

I take it the little shit is still enjoying his residential

I sympathise that you are going through this, it's really bad, but taking her out of school is not going to help at all. Direct approach to headmistress I would think but even then there are no guarantees.

I'd be finding out the parents of this destructive child and talking direct to them.

The school are pussyfooting around the issue.

After the second time, the school should have sent home the other child. I would take her out as well. Sorry your DD is having to go through this.

No, you don't take her out of school. Your child is entitled to an education.

You get an appointment with the headteacher and ask what is being done to restrain the other child, get their parents involved and ask for them to pay if necessary. This needs to get onto the other families radar. It is their child who should stop coming if necessary

This is a clear safeguarding issue. Advice on this before has been to ask with meeting with head and safeguarding lead and ask what is being done to protect DD and any other children who may be at risk from this behaviour. Ask for copy of the safeguarding policy and to be talked through how they are applying it.

The school wont/ can't tell you the consequences for the other child (although I hope their trip also ended).

Ideally she would be able to keep them on with a strap, but then I would worry she might get hurt, if they spring back onto her face. I wonder if others in the class are having issues with this child as well and why the child has moved schools.

Focus on how your child is going to be allowed her access to education, anything in her EHCP for days she can't attend due to no glasses, ensure it is being delivered at home by school/professional on those days. Can they ensure someone is nearby during unstructured time - emergreview of EHCP if necessary for funding (although this isn't about your daughter's needs, as assume she has been fine up till this year at these times).

I'd be interested to know if the other child has been allowed to continue the trip - I'd be furious if the answer is yes (which I suspect it will be)

Please ask the head tomorrow and ask them to explain how this is fair.

This is appalling OP - do NOT let the school try to minimise. Your poor DD.