AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Kids glasses are free on the NHS (and repairs) unless the lenses need thinning as high prescription so OP doesn’t have an argument for reimbursement unless she has to pay for thin lenses. Assuming OP in the UK.

I’d be fucking livid OP. 3 of my DC wear glasses (now contacts) as do I and it’s really insidious bullying to deliberately damage glasses and take away the ability to see properly. A 9 year old is old enough to understand what glasses are for and should have been made very aware of this by the school and their parents after the first incident.

That your DC has had to cone home from a trip due to this is absolutely disgusting. I bet the child who did this is still there. I’d be contacting the school before they close to ask if this is the case and why they haven’t been sent home too as their behaviour caused your child to be.

Your child now won’t be able to see properly even at home, let alone school so won’t be able to go anyway until you get the repaired ones back? Perhaps you can tape them up in some way depending on if it’s only the frame gone when you see them but I still wouldn’t send her back to school until there has been a meeting with the Head where you are assured this will never happen again and that the child has been severely sanctioned for this.

A fixed term exclusion is definitely warranted for this behaviour which may focus the parents on reinforcing the severity of their child’s actions especially if they have to take time off work while the child is at home.

The kid obviously is repeating this because there weren’t consequences the first and 2nd time. As for possible SN, perhaps but the child is deliberately targeting the OP’s DD and her glasses out of all the other children. There are likely others wearing them so it’s definitely bullying, SN or not. Although I have a DC with SEN who was difficult to manage at school but never did he hurt or attack other children or damage property, let alone bully anyone, so I get a bit sick of these excuses.

Absolutely i wouldn't be sending my daughter back until that child is dealt with

I wore glasses at school. Without them I was incapable of anything, even walking through a room I knew.
I was completely disabled without them, and I am using that word purposefully.
The other child needs 1-1 monitoring, he or she needs to be kept in at lunch or playtime.
Insist the school does this.

So if I'm understanding this correctly...

Your daughter has been made to feel unsafe at school, has repeatedly had her learning compromised due to the distruction of a vital learning aid and has been denied the opportunity to participate in a highly enriching school trip because of another student?

The child may have some additional needs but isn't, for example, a severely autistic child for who glasses are a huge sensory trigger. They've simply taken a dislike to your dd and are hellbent on bullying her

This is 100% not on OP. Don't accept any excuse. Go nuclear and go higher than the school if needs be. Nothing about this can be justified. Your poor dd

Retired headteacher here. This needs to go straight to the headteacher, both in person and in writing. Take someone with you to the meeting so they can record notes of what the agreed action will be to ensure that your DD is kept safe at school. Do not under any circumstances have a confrontation with the other child or their parents.

The child may have some additional needs but isn't, for example, a severely autistic child for who glasses are a huge sensory trigger.

Even if they were, it’s on the school to keep OP’s DD safe. Something they seem to be failing at.

The child may have some additional needs but isn't, for example, a severely autistic child for who glasses are a huge sensory trigger. They've simply taken a dislike to your dd and are hellbent on bullying her

@ISSTIUTNG I agree with the rest of your post but can you explain what you meant by this bit - why would this make any difference one way or another to the OP if the other child was severely autistic and had a sensory trigger of other people wearing glasses? That shouldn't alter OP's response either way to three pairs of her DD's glasses getting broken.

As an aside, as a coke-bottle glasses wearing kid I feel so sad for your DD. I actually had a nightmare just two nights ago about having to be evacuated from somewhere in the middle of the night and not being able to find my glasses or contacts and no one helping me, and running holding someone's hand but not being able to see clearly where I'm going.

There are Year 6s in my DS's class who are already wearing contacts for sport, might your DD consider them for school? Apparently with the new kinds of single-use contacts that are much more breathable you can start wearing them at 8 years old.

I agree with this. People can be very ignorant of how vulnerable people are without their glasses.

Sorry for disappearing on our way to Specsavers with the glasses to see what can be done, then taking DD out for pizza to cheer her up. She's absolutely gutted.

It was delibrate and the same child again.

According to ExH DD and one of her friends where stood crying when he went to get her.

Meeting set up with the head for tomorrow morning, DD will have to come with me as I'm a single parent. ExH is working so I've told school I will be recording the meeting on my phone which they've agreed to.

My DS is also at a specialist school and the staff have told me they have had children before who have had a "thing" about glasses and just grabbed them as their first go-to behaviour when escalated. The teachers told me it was normally the teacher glasses that children went for and they had a bit of a routine with "glasses off" when some children showed signs of disregulation but they didn't have any children like that at the moment.
It sounds a bit like this may be happening - and attention to the behaviour is very much going to make it continue.
For your DD I am afraid that the child who did this will continue to do this unless it is given no attention at all, even if she's off school and they say they've sorted it (as they usually suggest for the target of e.g. biting when toddlers, pay attention to the child who is hurt).
Is there any way to get her a band to keep her glasses on, more robust glasses etc.? Obviously I would say school should be paying.
If the child tries to do it again, they should be making a HUGE fuss of your DD, making sure she's OK etc. etc. and not even talking to the other child.

I'm a teacher and this is completely unacceptable!!! The first time fair enough but these things happen, but for it happen repeatedly especially on a residential trip I'd be seriously questing supervision!!!

Please speak to the head and escalate this op!

No don’t remove your child and disrupt her schooling. That’s punishing the victim. Demand that the other child is removed. Tell the school if your DD’s property is damaged again you will be taking legal action to pursue them for costs incurred.

Are the child's parents paying for all these replacements? I would be asking them to pay for three pairs NOW, then your DD has spares.

That is awful. Go in there and blow up a shit storm. It is totally unacceptable. It is bullying and destruction of property and they are not keeping your daughter safe. x

I would emphasise that you are a single parent and cannot afford to keep replacing glasses. Ask what they suggest with respect to paying the bill.

I've worked in MH and know that glasses can be inexplicably triggering for some people. You're right the school should still be safeguarding pp's dd in either case but I'd have a smidge more empathy if it was a child with these issues rather than some punk who just wants to bully her. Like I've said it's totally unacceptable

Children's glasses are free usually. Maybe ask for travel expenses to Specsavers and compensation for the time though.

I think the child responsible needs to be suspended until they can work out how to manage the situation. Not the OP's child keeping off

Kids glasses are free on the NHS (and repairs) unless the lenses need thinning as high prescription so OP doesn’t have an argument for reimbursement unless she has to pay for thin lenses. Assuming OP in the UK.
Well some frames are free, but not all. I always paid extra for nicer frames and as well as my DS needing his lenses thinning I always paid extra for various lens coatings etc so his glasses were certainly not free. The NHS made a contribution of course but I still paid a lot.
Of course the OP could get the completely free options but if she had something different beforehand why on earth should she? Why should her DD not have the glasses that she wants because she is being bullied and school are failing to protect her? The glasses should be replaced like for like. I've got a vague feeling that there may be a limit on how many repairs that the NHS will cover anyway. We had a phase when DS broke several pairs and I'm sure I had to pay the full amount eventually - could be wrong though, it was a long time ago.
Plus there will be costs incurred in having to go and collect the DD from school, and now this trip and to go to the opticians repeatedly. The OP and /or her ex may have had to take time off work to deal with all this.
It's certainly possible that there could be significant financial costs incurred. It's probably not the OP's biggest concern but I don't think the family should be out of pocket because of this.

Give your DD a massive hug from me. It's totally unacceptable that the school haven't taken preventative measures by now. Especially as child was threatening to do this last term. Assuming school aware of this?

Not a huge concern, but as others are now getting upset seeing what DD is going through, I'd be asking if school is properly supporting them too?

I think you should also request compensation from the school and get them to refund you for the school trip. It's unacceptable that your poor girl is made to suffer because of their lack of safeguarding in regards to keeping her safe from the other child. I feel as though the sooner it starts to hurt their pockets, the sooner they will take it seriously. I also feel that you should suggest to the head that the other child should be removed from school until it is dealt with - it is not fair for your poor innocent child to be made to suffer at the result of another child that is bullying her. Maybe their parents will take it more seriously when they have to find emergency childcare for their child until it learns to behave better.

I am not satisfied with suggestions that some people find glasses triggering therefor this happens. it's like saying some people find women triggering and have to rape them, or black people triggering and have to stab them.

If a child is unable to not blind other people (because that is what damage to glasses is) then other people should not be expected to associate with them. I know people with mental health issues need education as well, but other children should not be presented to them as willing and inevitable victims.

As an adult, I feel completely vulnerable and uncomfortable when I don't have my glasses on and can't see where I am going. It is a disability that the school aren't taking seriously. Would they be asking for spare wheel chairs or hearing aids if they had been maliciously broken three times? With no repercussions to the offending child? I appreciate the gravity of the situation varies depending on lense prescription but I literally couldn't leave the house without my glasses due to the severity of my lense.

School needs to do better, good luck tomorrow OP!!

Also I think if the child is above 10 then they need to be reported to the police for assault.

This.

I would be furious if this happened. It’s the same as breaking someone’s wheelchair.

The teacher should be able to keep these children apart. If the child breaking the glasses, is unable to stop herself from snatching and breaking them, and the teacher is unable to stop it (esp in a classroom of thirty kids) then frankly the child should be in a different educational set up.

On a different and more practical note, would getting a strap so the glasses are harder to pull off help?