AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

So what if they do. The others child's needs shouldn't mean that OPs child is unsafe at school.

No.

They can be, but the frame choice is limited.

The OP may be able to afford one pair a year which is fine. It's not her DD's fault that this kid has taken a dislike. She should have the frames she wants

I understand that the school will not share details with you but you have very clear information from your DD as to what has happened. I think you should ask the school to pass on your claim to the other child's parents for repairs, at least one spare pair of glasses, the cost of the trip away and of fetching her back.

The school also need to be taking better care of your DD. Her glasses are so necessary to her that breaking them is the equivalent of physically damaging her and this has been done DELIBERATELY. 3 TIMES. Whatever sanctions have been implemented have obviously not worked.

Is it a very specific prescription for the glasses? Or could you perhaps get an off-the shelf pair from boots or somewhere just as an emergency interim thing so she could at least return and see out the remainder of the trip! Even if they're not perfect?

Sorry to hear that. I understand why you’d want to keep your child away from school but it might impact at the end of the day your daughters education and it should be the other child who should be expelled and also their parents paying for any lost of money you have had.

Hope it all goes well tomorrow

No excuses but some special needs children have a thing about glasses. Don’t know why but maybe it’s because they make the eyes look different. We had a child who would snatch glasses of adult and children’s faces he was so quick no one could stop him even with a 1to. 1

Taking her out of school solves the problem for them but makes your dd lose out
Ask for a meeting and a plan to keep your dd safe

So how was that managed @purser25 ? I suppose adults may accept 'that's just how it is' but you cant expect children to.

Op I've nothing to add except very good luck tomorrow. Don't be gas lighted and don't be afraid to get heavy if needs be eg ask what the next steps are if you don't get resolutions.

Contact governers? Council? Put a complaint to ofsted?

I'm gobsmacked this has happened 3 times with out redress and your just expected to keep going back for more spectacle. It's heartbreaking she couldn't go on her trip
I agree about aksing for money for their trip from this child's parents.
This boy shouldn't be allowed out on break until he can promise to stop breaking glazes and if this was my child the perp I would fully support the school!! I hope you get some satisfaction.

your poor DD. The school need to seriously redeem themselves at this meeting.

Glasses have specific prescriptions depending on the shape and angle of the wearer's natural lenses. Often each eye is slightly different. The only sort of glasses you can buy off the shelf are 'reading glasses' - basically magnifying lenses in a spectacle frame. No good at all for a person with deficient sight.

If your DD is in Year 5 then has the classmate in question turned 10 yet? If so I would also make sure to point that out that they have reached the age of criminal responsibility and stress that if they cannot keep your daughter and the property she needs to function safe then you will be left with no choice but to involve the police. I really hope it goes well, your daughter is lucky to have you advocating for her.

If anyone is to be removed from the scene it should be the culprit.

OP told us already that DD's balance is adversely affected by not having her glasses and she can't see where she's going properly, and that the school's insurance doesn't cover her being there without them.

She was sent home for safety and legal reasons.

Absolutely ridiculous this has happened so many times. Wtf is the school doing?

The other child should not be allowed on the playground until they can prove they can be there without destroying someone elses property. I hope the other child was also sent home from the residential as a punishment.

Think you are well within your right to give headteacher a bill that you expect to be paid by the kids parents or the school.

To those suggesting she could have stayed, do you have sight impairment? My prescription isn’t huge, but without my glasses anything outside a 3’ radius is out of focus. I can walk around the bathroom without glasses, but wouldn’t leave the room without them. I’m permanently in ‘flight or fight’ mode as can’t assess any risks adequately. There’s no way I’d stay anywhere I could see effectively.

to the OP, download the bullying policy and document all your issues against the policy specifically. This is also disability discrimination and needs to be addressed against those elements. If this child had racially abused your dd then it would have been the other child sent home not your dd. This should have been addressed in the same way. Regardless of the appointment with the HT I’d be contacting the safeguarding team and cc school governors.

you may well find that this had been a managed move from the other school due to the same problems.

and I would be absolutely expecting school to pay. One incident could perhaps be accident but this many, you shouldn’t have to bare the cost of targeted attacks when they have duty of care

I’d be inclined to do this. And follow through with it if necessary.

There may be stuff going on with this kid in terms of health or home life but that’s not your daughter’s problem.

And not the point of the thread, but you and your ex are clearly strong and engaged parents who have your daughter’s back. She will always remember, OP.

You're the second person I've seen suggest this. You cannot get glasses off the shelf for myopia.

And, even if you could, that doesn't help the poor child who is being bullied.

https://www.boots.com/boots-kerry-glasses-10273724

Read that ⬆

"Ready readers" are not for use by children nor short-sighted people. So no, DD can't have them.

Good luck OP.

Put the school on the spot. Ask for a copy of their safeguarding policy if it’s not already been shared. Ask them how they plan to keep your DD safe. Use the phrase persistent, targeted bullying now continuing into a second term’.

What do they mean they’ll keep your dd away from the child. They should be keeping the child away from your dd. If it’s happening in lessons, they should be in different lessons to you dd. If it’s happening at lunch or rec, they should be on separate breaks or kept in. I can’t see what consequences this child has faced. They still got to go on a school trip, they’re still allowed out at breaks.

Parents should be paying for all these glasses and missed trip.

Absolutely agree @GreenClock it's a horrible situation but so positive to see how coparenting op and ex are.

Good luck OP. Your poor DD. Bullying is horrible. Particularly so if it leaves your DD blind and vulnerable. This child absolutely needs to be moved into a different class snd monitored at break times if the school can't prevent DD being attacked.

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD I am really shocked by this and the school needs to do better. I am glad the head is seeing you tomorrow they need to fix this.... and the glasses!

This is utterly horrid. Your poor DD. As someone with very poor eyesight (think couldn’t see more than 20cm in front of my face) from childhood to mid 20s, it’s incredibly debilitating to lose or break your glasses. It’s even worse when someone does it deliberately. It’s cruel and it’s frightening.

I hope DD is feeling calmer and enjoyed pizza tonight, sending big hugs. Everything crossed for your meeting with school tomorrow.