AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

I get the impression some people don't understand what 'can't see' means.

I agree. It's not a solution and it puts the effort on op.

IMO the bully should
not have been allowed to go in the trip in the first place.

and they obviously haven’t been dealt with appropriately after the first 2 instances otherwise they wouldn’t have done it again

"They said she couldn't do some of the activities. She could have still been with her friends, shared the bedroom, had the meals together."

Yes she should have but would she have enjoyed it know that she can't participate and the little bully was still there joining in when OPs DD couldn't?

Glasses are so critical to the wearer so I really feel for your DD.
It doesn’t sound like the sanctions this boy met was very effective! Glad to read you’re going to meet the Head.

This is awful and I’d hope the other child was also sent home from the trip or a) they have excluded your child when they are the victim and b) they are not protecting your child or other children. I’d contact your LA SEND rep as well. It’s clearly repeated bullying now as your child has been targeted multiple times and on purpose, it was also seem that this is ableist bullying too.

I can’t believe your child has been sent home from the trip due to this! Could they not have kept her out of some activities but let her stay so she can have the sleepover with her friends?

Appalling way this being dealt with by the school. I would want the child responsible removing from the class or I’d refuse to send me daughter in.

Potentially:

Broken glasses
Time off work
Petrol to residential and back
Cost of residential and any equipment purchased for it
Cost of any other after school missed activities due to missing glasses

Obviously there’s little chance of this but it’s a long list before you even get to the emotional impacts and trauma!

This is bullying so look at their bullying policies. Moreover she is being targeted due to a physical impairment (her vision).

You should be clear if this has left you out of pocket
You should not be paying for a school trip she has been excluded from through they actions of another child.
School have failed in their responsibility to keep her safe.

Tell them you will escalate to governors, council and MP if they don't take steps to protect your child

I would argue the school are stopping her going rather than you removing. In a practical sense how is she meant to attend without glasses if the spares are being broken? You aren't always going to be available to bring new glasses, nor should you. 100% a school issue to solve, it's awful they haven't taken it more seriously.

Good luck tomorrow op. I would expect that head to be grovelling and providing a very full explanation of what they are going to do to protect your DD and if you are not satisfied you should tell them.

DD is entitled to be safe at school & it is their responsibility to ensure her safety. How are they going to do that and how are they going to make up for her missing out on the rest of the trip and all the trauma of the last few days.

Sending strength to you for tomorrow xx

Best of luck tomorrow. Following as I am hoping for good news. Love to your DD from us all, I think!

You also need to explain in that meeting that you cannot have three pairs of glasses broken every week! As well as being bullying and discriminatory, there is a safety issue if she has no glasses, I cannot see without mine (borderline partially sighted) and functioning without them puts me at risk, things like I wouldn't see a glass on the side and would swipe it off accidentally and break it, this has happened to me many times. Your poor DD, great you are intervening here, in a calm and knowledgeable way.

Agree with everything else here apart from the posters saying your dd shouldn’t miss out on school. I would talk to her and ask her how she feels about going to school. If she is scared and feels unsafe I would take her out without a second thought. The mental impact on a child from bullying is going to negatively impact them so much more than missing a few days of school, if the school won’t safeguard your child you will have to.

I'm also interested to know if the other child was sent home from the trip.

Record the meeting as you plan then type up the minutes and email it. Absolutely essential you have it in writing. But different what happened with my child because he fought back and it was my child constantly sent home and excluded but he never started it he was always physically attacked by the other child. The head would discuss it with me on the phone. Or have meetings. They then denied a lot of what they said and covered their back as forcing me to take my child out of school was easier for them than the other child. My child was always triggered by the same child but hit out at anyone so I did take him out for the safety of others but I'm still furious this other kid had no consequences for what he did. Have everything in writing even if you trust they will follow through with whatever they promise in the meeting. If the other child has an EHCP school will feel they can't really do much as they risk the other parents arguing it's discrimination particularly if the behaviour could be attributed to the child's SEND.

Do as others suggested. Go armed with the policies being broken. I'd also look into the laws because broken I'm sure the school has a responsibility to keep your child safe, has a responsibility to ensure your child is accessing education (if the glasses/sight issues are in the EHCP then they are in breach of that and you can get the LA involved).

In your shoes I’d be asking what their plan is to safeguard your child so that she can learn in safety. You don’t need them to tell you anything else about the other kid, but this you need to know. I’d ask the question and let them fill the silence.

I’d also bring a list of the costs incurred and ask who will be paying.

If they are uncooperative, I’d state that they have failed in their duty of care to safeguard your daughter and ask how they plan to rectify this. If the answer is not forthcoming, I’d tell them I will be contacting the safeguarding leaf at the LA and ask for the governor responsible for safeguarding.

No school I’ve ever worked in would have allowed this to happen. I’m sorry your dd is going through this.

Someone needs to get a grip of that child who's breaking it. Id be telling the school too and their parents.

I’d point out that this is becoming a bullying issue now.
I would also say that a bill will be issued to the child’s parent, and if the parent doesn’t pay you will be expecting the school to fund new glasses (am I remembering correctly that children get 2 free NHS pairs a year then it comes out of the parents’ pockets?).

Is this a new thing? The third pair were the result of an accident - your DD dropped them from a height? It seems strange that the same child in the school grabbed your DD’s glasses on two consecutive days. Is there a history between your DD and this child or is this new?

This is awful OP, your poor DD. I hope you get a satisfactory response from the school tomorrow.

I'm not sure if it has been suggested yet but I would write an official complaint to the school and hand it to the principal tomorrow "for their records". In it you should list each incident and what the impact has been, both on you financially and on your child (e.g. missing school, missing the trip, fear when not able to see etc.)

In my experience, schools take it much more seriously when the complaint is presented in writing. Also, after the meeting tomorrow, write up a summary and send that to the principal "for their records". Make sure that there is a list of actions you want the school to do in that record. Obviously you can't include any sanctions on the other child but you can include things like the school ensuring your dd can participate safely in all school activities she normally participates in and that she will not be the one removed or prevented from participating.

Her DD dropped them and the same person who has threatened to break them before Christmas and has broken them twice already this week 'accidentally' stood in them and broke them in half

Accidentally my arse! Who cares what has happened between them before - malicious breaking someone's visual aid is bullying behaviour

I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter.
In the meeting tomorrow, don't forget to say that the school has a "duty of care" to your daughter. (Sorry if this has already been mentioned)

Your poor DD! This is an appalling safeguarding failure, the school have been negligent in not supervising this child properly, and even more so after the first incident.

It's clear that they need a strategy in place to stop this ever happening again, and I think you should ask them what that strategy is, and also compensation for the missed trip and the money it cost you, plus the cost of replacing the glasses.

Make a note now of what your experience is so far. Take that with you. Then take brief notes at the meeting outlining what you discuss there and how the school say they are going to deal with the issues. At the end of the meeting get the head teacher to countersign both the notes to confirm that they are a fair account of the situation and the meeting. Send them a copy.

It will put the fear of God in the school.

And you will have them to show to anyone - solicitor, councillor, whoever, if you do need to take things further.