AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Wtf. They need to sort that child put AND that child's parents need to pay for them. What a little shit

This won't help for the glasses already broken. Is it possible to get a sport strap for her glasses so they can't easily be taken off her face?

They said the child and their parents have been dealt with and consequences issues but obviously couldn't go further than that

What consequences have there bee because all I see is a child allowed to go in a school trip and remain on the school trip whilst your dd gets told she has to go home because Specsavers can’t glasses quicker than this bully can destroy them.

Obviously the schools consequences haven’t had the desired affect.

Maybe if the parents had to pay for 3 lots of glasses that their child has destroyed and the school trip that there child prevented your dd from attending and all your time and expenses and petrol etc Then maybe they might find it is cheaper to pay for someone to follow their child everywhere in school to prevent them doing this again and again and again.

I would have serious words with the HT that the school aren’t doing anything to actually punish this child and are joining in with the bullying behaviour sending your dd, the victim, home and letting the bully stay to enjoy the rest of the week.

I would take the school and these parents to the small claims court for the damage that this child has done

Could the reason that this child is new to the school be because their last school had, had enough of this type of behaviour.

My dc and I have had personal experience of what this type of pupil can do coupled with ineffective teachers

Do the teachers and HT realise that if you pull your dd out of the school then their problems are just beginning and it is not going to be resolved. All that will happen is this pupil will target another and another pupil until the school’s reputation is tarnished and they have to explain that a certain year has lost 75% of their pupils

Well done, OP, and good luck with the meeting.
Don't let them fob you off. Your daughter does have a right to her education and not at the expense of the other child. All this 'what happens to other child isn't your business' is nonsense. The moment their behaviour negatively impacts your child, it becomes your business. They want privacy/ confidentiality, then the child behaves!

I’d recommend having notes of everything you want to say, as well as recording the meeting.

I wouldn’t recommend going in all guns blazing, although you’ll feel like it. Calm, factual and unemotional works better than emotional and shouting.

Best of luck. You’re the best advocate for your girl.

Don’t bring your daughter into the meeting with you. Let her go to her class.

can you bring someone else? Have you a brother or sister or relative who will go along and take notes and not speak? I think you need a second person with you and NOT your daughter.

You need to find 3 points and stick to them. Do not be deviated from these 3 points. Write them out:

E.g
I want an apology for my daughter
i want a refund
i want it guaranteed that this will NEVER happen again

or whatever your 3 points are. Stick to them. good luck.

Nothing more to add other than your daughter is being bullied and it’s heartbreaking. I would be so frustrated if my school had the nerve to breezily keep calling me to go and fetch spare glasses like it’s an infinite resource, instead of dealing with the underlying issue as to why the glasses are being continually damaged on their property. It’s now leading to her having to come home early and constantly miss out. I appreciate the school can’t tell you what they did to discipline, but the evidence suggests it is not enough if it’s happened the day after/twice since etc.

We had a situation where a child had an infatuation with our DD & would target her at every given opportunity. After the 3rd phone call from the school informing me that this time my dd had a skipping rope wrapped around her neck I did remove her until the school could assure me that she was safe. initially l had a meeting with the head who said It was a dramatic response to remove her. I then emailed both the school and council’s educational welfare department. They sorted it out very quickly after that! Don’t put up with it no matter what issue/s the other child has, it’s not up ok for your DD to suffer at school, whilst the school faff around accommodating the other child. I know that sounds harsh but these children grow to become teenagers and then adults they have to start learning cause & effect at some point (better when they are little imo).

You and your DD have every right to be mad. Make sure you go into that meeting and be firm. Be angry. Tell them they are letting her down. Don't leave until they have a solution to this problem.

Those suggesting straps - what do you think will happen when these, probably slightly elastic straps are pulled? They will either break or the glasses will rebound into the child's face. That would be dangerous. And the child might not want to be different by wearing a strap.

OP I second the idea of notes.

Was the bully allowed to stay at the residential? If yes why were they not sent home? Why were they allowed to attend the residential?
Why were they not properly supervised during the residential?

Will the bully be moved to another class? If not why not? What action are they taking to safeguard your child? Why didnt they do this after the second incident?

How old is the bully? If they are above the age of criminal responsibility have these assaults been reported to the police?

Who is going to pay for your costs?

Surely if the unmet need was related to agressive behaviour re an aversion to glasses and being unable to not react in the way they have been doing to the dd, surely the parents would have informed the school even if only thinking about their own child?

Download the complaints procedure - it outlines routes for parents. The anti bulking policies are useless.

Make sure you refer to the document - it’s very helpful.

All that will happen with a strap is that the bully will pull the glasses upwards instead of horizontally. Protracted wear of glasses straps is uncomfortable as well.

Good luck with the meeting tomorrow. Keep calm and factual even though you'll feel emotional.

I seriously hope the other child was sent home as punishment. I'd be going straight to the child's mum if the school can't resolve it.

Also getting the strap sends a subliminal message that the fault is with the glasses wearer for not taking the right precautions, not with the violent attacker. Surely MN isn't going to start victim-blaming with a 9 year old child? Her emotional needs are paramount here.

I’d say no to a strap too, it sounds uncomfortable and the onus should be on the other child

From my experience (daughter bullied in Year 8), you have to make a nuisance of yourself so it becomes a school problem.

I'd be charging school for the damaged glasses if they can't keep the bully away and I'd also be getting your daughter to shout out loudly every time the bully comes near her. Disturb the class so the teacher has to deal with it (this worked very well with my daughter getting bullied).

I'd also be insisting that if your daughter's glasses are deliberately damaged in school, that school must ensure she has a TA as a reader/scribe so your daughter can continue to access her education without her glasses.

I would also be reading the school complaints policy very closely so you know exactly how you need to raise a complaint and what order you should do things in. I would definitely start the ball rolling with a formal complaint at the first level of the policy. Make sure you understand the timeframes for a response and how this should be done, then follow up.

At the moment, the broken glasses just impact you and your daughter. They need to start creating work and impact on school leadership.

I'm stunned that your child has had to come home early and miss the rest of the whole trip because someone else broke her glasses.

Why should the ops DD have to have her glasses strapped to her head?

The little bully would just start pinging it at the back of her head

Alongside agreeing with everyone else about the outrageous other child and the paltry wet lettuce school response thus far - on the cost of childrens' glasses, opticians are not daft. They have a smallish selection of fairly dull and frumpy free-of-charge NHS frames in a drawer or somewhere unobtrusive on display. And far more prominent is a splendidly tempting array of designer frames by Nike and the like costing £100 and upwards. They are lighter, better colours, altogether more stylish and if you have a DC who is a bit upset to be needing glasses it is hard to deny them!

Would you want to stay at camp where you can't join in cos you can't see cos your glasses were broken?

They said she couldn't do some of the activities. She could have still been with her friends, shared the bedroom, had the meals together.

OP, I work in a school.

There is no way on earth a child would manage to do this three times in our school, so you need to ask about supervision of this child.

I hope you get some answers.

Where you can't see, and where there is a violent aggressor who has attacked you repeatedly, and you can't see them, and your surroundings are unfamiliar, but your enemy can see you and the layout.

A nightmare.