AIBU to remove DD from school until they can stop this happening?

[BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD]

DD aged 9, Year 5.

Went back to school last Wednesday (3rd).

Got a call that day to say her glasses had been broken by a classmate and could I bring her spares in as she can’t wear hers – these are an old pair, they’re ok for a few days or a week or so but her prescriptions changed so she couldn’t wear them permenantly – went up to school found the arm completely snapped off her pair. Apparently the child took them off DDs face, ran off with them, dropped them and then either sat on them or deliberately stomped on them (the story varies depending on which child who witnessed it you ask).

Took them straight to Specsavers who said they couldn’t repair them as they don’t make those frames anymore. So I made an appointment for DD to choose some new frames – she’d had these glasses just over 3 months (got them just before going back to school in September) and her pairs usually last her 10-12 months before needing replacing (she’s had glasses since she was 4).

Next day I get the very same call from her teacher, the spare pair have been broken. They couldn’t confirm it was the same child who broke them but DD confirmed to me it was. This time they were wearable but very badly scratched. Child had again taken them off DDs face, ran off with them again and tripped over while carrying them and they’ve skidded along the playground lens down.

Specsavers bless them did an emergency issue of her new pair which she chose on Friday and we picked them up Monday after I called them on Thursday and explained about the spares. They’ve taken the old ones to see if they can repair them.

Yesterday DD goes away on a residential with her class, back tomorrow or so I thought.

Get a call from theschool secretary this morning “DDs glasses have been broken again can you run her spares up to the centre?” no I can’t her spares are still in for repair, so they’re sending DD home from her trip because she cannot see without her glasses and they're not covered by insurance if she's not wearing them. Apparently these ones have fallen from a height and then been accidentally stood on completely snapped in half.

ExH is on his way to get her, but thinks if she says it’s the same child whose broken them for a 3rd time then we should take her out of school until they can guarantee it won’t happen again as her glasses are such an important part of her being able to function. I sort of agree.

Can’t change school easily as DDs on an EHCP and already started transition to high school because of it although I will call an early review. But DD loves her school in general and has plenty of friends.

So WIBU to remove DD until this stops happening?

Amy one else fed up with this “needs met” jargon? Other child’s “need” for a bollocking not been met more like. I’m

Oh and to a pp they are 9 so far too old for this.

Well that's worked - not.

No offer of payment either I suppose?

In these circumstances I would expect that, as part of being dealt with, included a payment from the girl's parents for the broken glasses.
Actions have consequences and this girl and her parents need to learn this.

And why is it that glasses are always the 'acceptable' item to be broken/damaged?

The OP's daughter doesn't need monitoring.

The other kid does

Yes, along with all the other horrors this stood out to me too

Unfortunately for the school, keeping the violent child away from OP's DD is likely to cost them money - or at least more staff time, which amounts to the same thing
So much easier to put it on the DD instead, which also offers the chance to blame her for the attacks, as in "Not staying away as instructed / winding the child up", etc, etc

Luckily you seem to have a good handle on this, OP, and I wish you only the best with it

I’m just back to wish you and your DD all the best for your meeting tomorrow morning. Don’t agree to anything without running it by your ExH so that when you give an answer, it’s from both of you and the school understands that there’s no wiggle room with either of you.

This is so awful. Your poor daughter. It does sound like the child doing it is deliberately targeting her, so whether she has additional needs or not is irrelevant. The school needs to act. Don't accept any wishy washy platitudes from the Head tomorrow or any solutions where the impetus is on your daughter to change. The child doing this needs to be moved to a different class, if she shares a class with your daughter, and needs to be kept in during break and lunch or closely supervised until she understands the seriousness of her actions and can be trusted to leave your daughter alone.

The poor girl is the real problem, not the expense of the glasses. Stuck there with a known aggressor who she can't see and therefore can't avoid, not knowing what is going to happen next. People saying to leave her in school in that state have no idea how vulnerable that state is, or how frightening.

It's scary being without the ability to see the world around you even if you are in a familiar place with nothing and nobody threatening. To be sent to a place where she has repeatedly experienced violent attacks and knows that no adult is prepared to protect her - that's educational all right, not in a good way, and could damage her for the rest of her life.

Email trail. I've RTFT but an email trail will provide evidence that the school haven't acted in a timely way,or accordance with ,their anti bullying policy.
Our DD was 6 and she was bullied to the extent she wrote in a book she wanted to die.
We'd been emailing for two weeks about the issue.
We included a picture of our daughter's book and copied the CBoG into the emails.
It's good the Head is allowing you to record the meeting so you'll have evidence of what they are proposing to do to protect your DD ,but emails help to provide not only a trail ,but allow you to write down(and process) : what the school hasn't done;what the school said they would do, and the effects on yourself and your daughter.

Your poor daughter. I’d be pushing for the parents to reimburse you for the residential cost plus the glasses.

Agree about the other child's parents paying. Not sure what would happen if you made a small claim in the courts if they won't pay up.

Totally agree with this.

I don't understand why the child that keeps breaking your daughter's glasses was allowed to go in the first place and why was he allowed to stay after what happened

I don't think OP's said whether they were allowed to stay, but with regard to going at all I strongly suspect someone will have pushed the view that it would "help them to integrate / moderate their behaviour"

Shame for the other pupils, but sadly that's how too many schools approach these things - prioritise the "needs" of the attackers and to hell with those of the well behaved

Why aren't the parents of the bullying child paying for the replacements?

The parents obviously need to pay. My sister had to pay for new shoes when her 9 year old threw one of his classmate’s shoes onto the roof and they couldn’t get them back. This was recently not in the 90s.

I've worn Glasses since I was two and it is my biggest fear to be without them. If this had happened to me a primary school I would flatly refuse to attend.

Hope your meeting goes well with the head tomorrow and your DD gets some space away from this little bully

@BrokenGlassesandHeartedDD all the best for he meeting OP. It’s great to hear your ex husband is very much on board here too. Excellent co-parenting from you both. You daughter will remember in years to come that mum and dad had her back.

Your poor DD.

i would go apoplectic. Literally.

i cannot fathom why they have allowed the bully to stay at the camp Nd send your daughter home: every trip DS has been on it’s been made crystal clear that any misbehaviour will result in being sent home

utterly disgraceful

Some excellent suggestions on this thread.

I second ensuring that you've read the bullying policy, the peer on peer abuse policy, the behaviour policy before your meeting.

I'm sorry if someone else has already suggested this but I would demand that the other parents reimburse any costs associated with the trip that your daughter has had to leave.

The only person who will suffer is your child , school won’t worry if she’s off possibly for a long time , contact Ofsted and tell them your child is not safe in school and they are not dealing with it! It is bullying , maybe approach the child’s parents too

This is awful and they need to take action against this. Completely unacceptable and now your child has had to miss out on a school trip plus inconvenience of collecting child from wherever she is plus the hassle of sorting the classes. I’d want the other child removing until they could guarantee she won’t be damaging your child’s property again and clearly upsetting her

I would be downloading the school policies on bullying and safeguarding and quoting their own policies back at them with examples of where the bully's actions line up with the policy.

I also agree that it will affect her learning and social experiences. I wear glasses and it is debilitating when you can't see. I also then squint and get headaches, you can't join in with anything, see facial expressions etc and feel totally left out.

Thank you everyone, am downloading policies right now.

ExH cannot video call into the meeting, he works in a customer facing role and not allowed his phone on him. He was off work today so was able to pick DD up, otherwise I'd have had to leave work to go.

Am making a note of all these suggestions though, I made an appointment with the headteacher, I sent an email and got a call within half an hour from the school secretary offering me tomorrow morning just after school drop off, so I think they are taking it seriously.