To ask at what age children need you the most

[Hiraeth20]

I’m considering retraining in a field which will give me more money and will hopefully allow me to work part time whilst maintaining the lifestyle we enjoy.

The training itself will be full time over 3 years so I’m interested to know from those who have adult children at which stage you felt your kids needed you most so I can decide when to retrain. I have a 3 year old and my feeling is that as he gets older he will benefit from me having more time to dedicate to school pick ups, clubs, activities etc., so it’s best to do the training now and get it out of the way. We would also like another child so this is something to consider.

Of course it’s a very individual decision but I’d be interested to hear from others and their experiences.

Do not underestimate the importance of being around in their teen years

At teen age my ds spelled out how much he wanted me home when he got back from school.. Teens are more needy. Currently have 3...

Childcare is more expensive, but easier in the early years.

Its helpful to be around once they’re full-time in school for summer holidays, sports, assemblies, inset days etc

They have just the same need for you at all stages of childhood/teen years, just in different ways. I would try to choose a time when there is other familial support available for them to lessen the impact. Ultimately though you can make it work.

Teen years!!! Very much teen years...but there yet but dsis is and gone part time. Teens need parents more than toddlers. Teens are just very big toddlers with a lot of hormones.

I think it’s before school that’s easiest time to train- full time all year childcare is much easier than school.

The thing is when you have a pre schooler, a lot of what they need you for can be outsourced and provided in a childcare setting... toileting, feeding, playing etc. Teens really need you too but in a different way and their needs can't be outsourced. If that makes sense

@Londonrach1 has it nailed there 'very big toddlers with a lot of hormones'

Teens. 100%

This is tricky! I have a 3 and 8 yo and they both need me lots but in different ways, but I do think you're right re school pick ups etc... I am able to pick my 8yo up every day and the ride home from school is (to me) one of the most crucial times of our day. That's when I get all the information about their day, how they're feeling etc... by the time dh gets home around 6pm, they're in wind-down mode and not interested in chatting about how their day was. Also, my 8 yo has had some academic struggles at school. They're nearly all caught up now and a lot of that has been time and effort we've put in at home. I don't think they'd have made the same progress without my being there to support some extra learning after school.

With my 3 year old, I find being around in the late afternoon / evening / bedtime the most important time. They're usually a bit tired by this point and so we just relax together with lots of cuddles and some playing and story time.

I was going to say this exact thing. I retrained when my oldest were 3 and 5 and then worked full time for a decade. I'm currently not working and they are now teens. When they were younger I could outsource good quality childcare that replaced me. With my teen girls I can't do that. It's MY specific advice/chat/time they want.

Thanks everyone, it’s similar to what I thought. We’re also really lucky to have two sets of grandparents who will bend over backwards to help us with childcare so it makes sense to get the training done whilst we’re able to use them.

I would also just add that your older child(ren) needs you more than ever when you have a new baby, and it doesn't only last for the first couple of weeks.

It depends on what else is going on in their lives at the time really. You can never legislate for how smoothly or otherwise things will go for them in terms of their education, health, friendships, wider issues like bereavements, which will all effect how much they may need you around. As a rule of thumb, I'd say the more straightforward their lives and needs, the less they will need you (as in you specifically) to be very hands on. So in the early years, as long as someone is there providing good care, it doesn't matter that much whether it's the person who gave birth to them or someone else. As they grow up and their needs become more complex and emotionally centred, the presence of their consistent trusted adult matters more.

Teens for sure. As someone said above, you can outsource childcare when they're little but teens, especially aged 15/16 are a whole different ball game.

.

Physically, most demanding when newborn.
Mentally, most demanding when Teens.

Everything between that is a transition from physically needing you to mentally needing you (but even teens sometimes curl up next to heir parents and need hugs)

I think it's newborn, honestly.

Mine are 11 and 16. They don't "need" me other than a provision of meals and clean clothes and calendar reminders. They come in from school and disappear up to their rooms or out with friends.

Once they are at nursery and school, it all just flies by.

Absolutely newborn and toddler years. You are quite literally keep them alive every day.

Yes teen years are very important but you're not breastfeeding them back to sleep several times a night.

I may be slightly judgemental here though as neither of my parents were around from when I was 12, I went to school, ran the house, cooked twice daily and looked after my three younger siblings as parents both worked very long days - we never saw them. I moved out at 18 and they hired a home helper...! Just saying that all teens don't need constant support at home, I was absolutely fine.

That's absolutely appalling

I'm glad to see others have said so - teen years! I've never felt so needed as I do now. He can fend for himself obviously, but omg the emotions and the anxiety and just needing me to be available, this is so much harder than baby days. I do love it though.

Teens

Definitely teens. They need you emotionally. Naively I wasn’t expecting it it’s come as a bit of a shock 😳

Teens absolutely. Would never have said that before I had teens though.

Mine are young adults and I would also say the teen years.