To ask at what age children need you the most

[Hiraeth20]

I’m considering retraining in a field which will give me more money and will hopefully allow me to work part time whilst maintaining the lifestyle we enjoy.

The training itself will be full time over 3 years so I’m interested to know from those who have adult children at which stage you felt your kids needed you most so I can decide when to retrain. I have a 3 year old and my feeling is that as he gets older he will benefit from me having more time to dedicate to school pick ups, clubs, activities etc., so it’s best to do the training now and get it out of the way. We would also like another child so this is something to consider.

Of course it’s a very individual decision but I’d be interested to hear from others and their experiences.

I’ve found that the move to working from home which coincided with my eldest starting high school has been a godsend.

I’ve actually increased my hours as result.

it’s true that teens need you more, but it’s not for the practical things like food. They can do that themselves. They literally just want your presence. If they’ve had a bad day, they like to come in and offload. Otherwise they stew and it gets worse.

Just being accessible helps.

This.
So often parents ramp up the work and outsource the childcare just as their children need them most.
For mine (now adults) age 11 to 16 were the neediest. We were lucky to have a SAHP from when they were 11.

My DCs are grown up now. I’d say primary school years to be able to drop off/pick up and be there for school events etc at least some of the time is the most important. Young children get so tired after a day at school then going to wrap around care too it’s a lot.
Def the most time consuming and looking back, important, that we were there for them through those primary school years.

How can you be a stay at home parent to a secondary school child? Can someone explain this because I don't get it.

Good thread op. I'm literally finishing work to take a career break as my two are getting to their teens. They definitely need you in a different way and not just as a taxi service.

Honestly if teens can't cope without a SAHP I'd think they're not very resilient!

To be fair, many of us have worked full time throughout parenthood. And there's no need to outsource anything once they're secondary age.

I think where there are two parents there should be a joint commitment to spending a decent amount of time and be accessible to kids and teens, but this doesn't have to be picking them up from school.

I don't think anyone has said that. (Edit: sorry, yes, someone did actually say that)
I think some people are just expressing that their teens still needed parental support despite theoretically being able to cope with day to day life.
I found it helpful not to be full on with work during GCSEs. I've also found it helpful for dealing with teen anxiety and stresses that I can give them some of my evening if they need it.
There was an article quite recently about how women are yet again having to put their careers to one side for their children - there is certainly no record of men taking time off to help their kids face exams.
teen-ternity

Of course they still need you as teens. But this thread is about when best to undertake a training course to fit around parenthood.

I'm truly struggling to see how studying as a parent could possibly be easier with small children than with teens.

Teenage years are super intense

I think all things being equal it would be easier with teens. But I'd still advise doing the course now, and not in 12 years when who knows what else you might have on your plate.

@Tiredalwaystired ditto.

I moved from term-time only working (teaching) to WFH in a different sector once DD started Secondary which has been massively useful as she was diagnosed with autism in year 8 and being taken to school makes a massive difference to her, instead of rushing her so that I could get to my own school - on several occasions she's had motor tic attacks and had to sit in the car to calm down before going into class, I would never have been able to support her like that before or like today get a phone call to go pick her up and be able to drop everything immediately to collect her when she's sick. My WFH role is fully flexi too so I can run her about locally during the holidays.

This very much this.

Definitely teen years-early twenties.

I think that young children's needs are generally fairly clear. Also they tend to go to bed early so you could study in the evening. Whereas teens' needs can be way more complex and less immediately obvious. And there are no quiet evenings any more. In the teen years you might also be involved in elder care.

The golden age is 8-11 IMO. They are fairly independent but not yet into adolescence. If I was going to do a three year course I would try to do it when one child was within that age range.

@ganglion i had parents like yours and my relationship with them is non existent. Keeping a teen fed and housed is far from enough if you expect to have a relationship with them later on.

Teen years without a doubt - its far more stress/ anxiety than when they are toddlers.

From high school on up - my kids didn't need me emotionally when they were young as much as they do now they're getting older.

Teens .I gave up work for a while to get my sons through as everything became so difficult to manage .My youngest was not coping in school and my eldest had an girlfriend that caused havoc in all our lives . I am so glad I did it as they have turned into wonderful young men but the teenage years were very difficult .

Just because you’ve not seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. My best friend went part time when her daughter began self harming.

Would also say teens.

I think teens do need a lot of parenting but I'm not sure this means you need to work less than when you're kids are little.

Teens need you about in the evenings to chat to and weekends to ferry them about.

They can normally get themselves to and from school, they can get themselves a snack/something to eat, they can be left on their own for a bit.

My son had gf traumas in his teens and needed kicking up the backside to do school work

Dd self harmed in teens.

The teens were much much more stressful.

0-3 undoubtedly but after that 11-14 was intense with my seemingly high functioning autistic ds. That can be a common age for the wheels to come off.

It’s hard to put an age on it because each stage of childhood needs parenting in different ways. I found with my two that the later primary and early secondary school years they need/needed more guidance, reassurance and want me around and home. There have so much to navigate and definitely need steering in the right direction, it’s mentally much harder (for me anyway) than those early years when care was mainly physical.