Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

Can I also just say that I don't really understand what this part of the post meant:

"For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move"

I hope that it's ok to ask the OP to clarify without lots of people jumping into answer for her?

Who 'asked to have sex' and what does "wasn't very good but we move" even mean?

OP?

Me either.

He's explained why he doesn't want to take this further, he said he doesn't want to get deeper in with someone that's a 'parent carer', fair enough it's very restrictive.

He didn't lie, he didn't make out it was her fault.

the beautiful stuff is obviously relating to previous conversations.

hes right, there will be a man out there that doesn't have an issue with the constraints if having caring responsibilities, it's just not for him.

Saving his text to show others & laugh at him is childish ' nasty.

Well, how many times is it necessary to answer one question?

No she's mocking him for being such an arrogant, patronising, eejit.

The you are beautiful, yes you are ...bus also as weird as fuck, given op said nothing about it when they met, just babies you look nice two way response.

@londonisnotme it comes across as you want something lighthearted so that is one of the reasons why it irritated you so much. A lot of people don't understand the responsibilities of a caring role.

It's cost me my scholarship for MSc for example. Well hopefully you'll find someone to have fun with.

You should start a thread in relationships about this, you won't be alone

She was supposed to be the one rejecting him, not the other way around, is what I'm getting

Nope. She's mocking him for being a patronising, condescending twerp.

Saving his text to show others & laugh at him is childish ' nasty.

No, it's not.

That message absolutely deserves ridicule and derision.

Especially the "you are beautiful, yes you are" part ... With zero context. The only context being he has decided she is undateable (due to having the backbone and integrity to be the main carer to her child with disabilities) and would be so delighted and feel better to receive his oh so kind comments on her looks. He's so kind he's going to shore up her ego; in the only way that could possibly matter.... Looks.

Fair enough. Makes you look a bit lazy though for not just skimming the thread rather than ask a question that had already been answered more than once.

Tone is hard in a text. And you were looking for dates, not the poet laureate. 🤷🏻‍♀️

message sorry which one are you cant remember

I read the thread.

I wanted the OP to clarify what she meant by Parent Carer. Not a load of aggressive randoms - such as you.

I don't think coherency is the OP's main point, though.

Claiming she was ghosting him yet his text opens with "Sorry I haven't replied"

😂😂😂

*just basic you look nice two way response.

Well the style is a bit off - patronising I suppose - but I think there isn't really much wrong with this. He's saying honestly and directly his view is that it won't work and rather than leaving his date wondering whether it was because of some personal flaws or her weight or income or job or the myriad reasons women worry about he told her specifically that he doesn't think their lifestyles are compatible and why.

If you look at the repeated threads on here complaining about ghosting, to complain about this is a bit unfair really. Would you rather be ghosted?

It's an unpleasant fact of life that we all - yes everyone - even Giselle Bundchen - have personal features and characteristics and lifestyle aspects that will make us unattractive to some people.

A very beautiful woman may not be of interest to an alpha male as attracting too much attention.

A very successful woman may be of no interest to a man on a low income as he would feel "bought".

A curvy woman may be too fat for a man who gets turned on by slim women.

A slim woman maybe be too flat chested for a man who gets turned on by big breasts.

You get the idea. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have there will be points that form the basis of rejection.

It's not necessarily a terrible thing to be given a reason - like I said better than than hours angsting in a 'what's wrong with me way.'

Completely agree with you OP.

You sound about 14.

Same. I guess OP would rather he'd ghosted her.

But lots of people read the OP's updates and not all the comments from random posters

His text wouldn’t give me much of a laugh but can see why the sex was crap.

I would be regretting being physically intimate with such a dickhead. His text alone makes me feel nauseous.

@londonisnotme thanks for sharing this incredible exhibit! This bloke is soooo cringe and possibly a narcissist. He sounds self-absorbed and totally self-unaware. Thank god you're rid of him. He lost me at "Listen" (who tf texts that). Quite controlling tbh... Honestly think you should deploy @Comedycook 's reply just for the laugh

But @londonisnotme did you not know that women are merely the sum total of their looks and worth as decided by Men

Pribbablt a parent that cares for a disabled child. I’m a parent carer for my son who is now an adult. I’ve never worked because I care for him.

like I said better than than hours angsting in a 'what's wrong with me way.'

But up doesn't sound like she was remotely angsting.

She was dating other people, says she saw her involvement him as casual and that the sex wasn't good.

That's part of why she finds his message so patronising and arrogant.

He is looking down his nose at you .
You are not good enough or a high enough earner for him .

This is what I read from your original post.
You were good enough to sleep with though. He is a scum bag .

OP, I think what happened is....

The sex was shit and you both feel embarassed.

He's trying to reassure you that it not going well was nothing to do with your looks (and the brackets are his clumsy attempt at subtext).

You think you're more attractive or better than him in some way or another so your ego feels wounded.

None of it actually matters. You both gave something a go, it didn't work out. Nobody needs to show text messages to mumsnet or their mates and laugh at people.

Let's hope he's not doing the same about you somewhere else.