Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

I'm going to channel that guy who messaged the OP for this one!

Yes. It means the same thing it has always meant on this forum, since the heady days of 2010 and earlier: a parent carer is someone who is the parent to a disabled child. The expression developed, because the term parent is insufficiently communicative about the responsibilities of people with disabled children. Disabled children need more care than non-disabled children of the same age, and they do not develop independent living skills on the same trajectory as their peers, due to the disability. This means parent carers have more intense responsibilities and for longer. Sometimes disabled children become disabled adults who always need a parent or someone to act in the role of a parent.

If someone were to have sex with you and then ghost you - which by any account is a pretty poor thing to do - why on earth would you examine your own behaviour before questioning theirs?

That many women on this thread would also actively welcome being patronised in this way by an egotistical male, tells a depressing tale about how deeply ingrained female socialisation really is. His attitude is infantilising: tantamount to patting OP on her pretty head and giving her a consolatory lollipop.

Ugh.

Women really do need to place greater expectations and standards upon men, and stop placing far harsher, unrealistic expectations upon ourselves. OP has the right idea.

Urgh, yet another fuck and chuck. These men are so transparent I bet they identify as seethrough.

What stands out to me is "It just doesn't seem right for me to"

It just doesn't seem right for me to.. .what?

Bizarre...

It’s funny how defensive people get at rejection. He was being honest and trying to be nice - albeit in a clumsy way that does sound patronising but maybe wasn’t meant to be.
there’s no need to call the message ‘awful’.
Take ego out of it OP - you weren’t bothered and we’re going to ghost him - he had the decency to acknowledge it wasn’t going to work and messaged you in a way that was honest and straightforward and decent enough (a bit patronising, but so what). Question why you find it so awful and what it triggers in you.

@NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision

Nobody likes a smart arse 😂

Multiple people asked. Not sure why the need for all these unnecessary and baffling made up labels people give themselves but nevermind

Parent carer isn't a 'made up label'. It's a quick and easy way to explain a small snapshot of what's different as a parent of a disabled child, because you're a parent as well as a carer

No it’s a term used by professionals as well. I don’t work a paid job, haven’t for 17 years due to having a (now adult) child with disabilities. I claim carers allowance so am therefore a parent carer. Just using carer could mean anything. It’s not made up or self applied.

I agree

I'm conflicted as to whether I'd prefer a wanky text like that or whether being ghosted is preferable. I think, on balance, the wanky text wins, because in those few sentences, you can see what an entitled arsehole he is. Yes he is!!

Op was on a date with another man

Don’t worry every parent with a disabled child here knows the term is used by professionals as well as parents. My son is an adult now and it’s been used the whole time I’ve been caring for him, so over 25 years!

She doesn’t care for her parents !

Agree with all of this. He was trying, albeit clumsily, to do the opposite of ghosting. No need to revile him. Rejection stings but that's part of dating.

I’m not even sure about that after thinking it over. Seemed a bit negging to me. She said she didn’t text him either. Pre-emptive strike?

He couldn’t have decided your situation didn’t suit him before he dipped his wick? Twat.

Clearly she had, as he said "sorry I haven't replied".

Perhaps we can all agree that the text was clumsily worded and patronising and he was being arrogant, and that OPs behaviour by posting it online and inviting ridicule is petty and bitter. Neither of them come off well.

What was he "sorry I haven't replied" to, if OP hadn't texted him first?

A dredful text but there again my thoughts are when you agree to sex outwith an established relationship you leave yourself open to throwaway texts like this.Personally speaking I wouldn't have indulged this guy in the first place. He sounds like his texts are well rehearsed.

Who knows, maybe more negging.

But she clearly wrote: I didn't text him either. Surely that must've given him a hint that I wasn't fussed about him

I can’t make up my own story about what happened so just going with what the OP said.

Agree with this. Its a wafflly badly worded way of saying ‘we had sex and I’ve lost interest’ but it’s better than ghosting.

I think posting a private text online though is petty behaviour. Especially when the OP says she wasn’t that bothered about him either.

Considering people asked repeatedly before anyone answered I would say the op could have answered the question earlier on.
Is that OK with you if that is my opinion?

I mean - this.

He’s basically telling you he’s dumping you because you have a disabled child. Presumably he knew that before he had sex with you? What a nasty pos he is.

The text is patronising and presumptuous to the max and bound to make anyone feel like crap 🤢🤮.

It does seem though that there is no good way to reject someone. It’s always going to sting no matter what . If you ghost that’s hurtful and leaves people wondering, but if you confront the issue/ (over-) explain it’s unwanted projection/ presumptuous.

The text is patronising as if he's saying there's other options out there for you, but none as good as him. It doesn't come across well, almost like he's trying to be light hearted about it whilst delivering bad news. But he's entitled to change his mind about things, ideally it would be before you both had sex but I assume it was consensual so you live and learn.

What did op send a few days before?