Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

Wow, that’s such a leap and extreme analysis based on nothing but a goodbye text. Even folks who know him would hesitate to go so far.

He might possibly have meant it in a more general way than it came across, as in “beautiful inside and out”.

Absolutely this. Soooo patronising!

OP said in another post that she had not disparaged her looks; the way she looks had not come up in conversation at all, I don’t think. They met for a date and he said she looked nice and she said thanks, you too.

What a load of bollocks!

Unfortunately this would then be criticised for being too cold/direct/brusque, especially after having slept together.

Everyone is different, you might prefer that direct cool message, but someone else might be gutted by it and much prefer something softer like he sent.

It's not a great message, but the guy contacted you when he didn't have to (there were no expectations of more dates I'm guessing?), let you know why it wasn't a match for him instead of leaving you wondering (again, maybe you don't care, but someone else might want to know) and given how awful, rude, and downright scary dating can be sometimes, I couldn't get worked up over this. Clumsy, but well-intentioned.

Message back no worries you were a crap shag anyway and block

Answer is 'k. bye

That is exactly what I am trying to say.

But you put it rather more concisely than I did.

Your response to his ghastly bit of patronising self-delusion is entirely correct, OP. It’s other people’s responses to it that are depressingly illuminating of their thought processes.

If I got that I’d laugh quite loudly and think what a twat, how pissed off is he to get dumped

It does make me think that unless you know somebody well enough to be able to read between the lines of their text messages, it's better not to have sex with them.

Personally, I think a simple "No worries - all the best" acknoweldges the message and lets him know he needn't give it so much throught, because it wasn't that serious for you to be hurt.

Oh, I'd need to respond in kind to that I'm afraid. That 'yes, you are!' alone demands it.

Yeah... he's not showing himself in the best light but "cringe" and "odd" and "a bit weird, but not massively" and "unimpressive" are the sorts of words that spring to mind.

Looks like we never got to find out what a 'parent carer' was then?

Yes, nothing says "bitter and hurt" more than a petulant reply.

Yeah this.
This is such a men hating forum and people get their arses in a twist so easily it's so predictable 😂

Is that really what you and your friends laugh over? It just makes you look like you're secretly bothered.

If you're not bothered you'd just delete and that's that. Not send a screenshot to your mates and act like a school child.
If he didn't message you he'd be a twat, if he did message you he'd be a twat.

Just block and move on.

I’m assuming it means the OP has a child with SN to the extent that she doesn’t work outside the home and receives a carer’s allowance.

Well perhaps standards should be above that.
He presumably knew she had a disabled child to care for before they had sex, but he was willing to hang on for a shag and then tell her it's because she's a carer doe her child. Which is fine, but if it's an issue, make that clear before the sex.

And then there's the whole "you ARE a pretty girlie, yes you are, yes you are, I said so so it's true!!" nonsense when op has made it clear she never expressed any insecurity about that.

A "I've given it some thought and I don't think our lifestyles are compatible, good luck and all the best" would have been faress patronising, far less about him - "I AM attracted to you but I just couldn't DATE you".

He's made her sound like some desperate insecurity thing desperate for validation.

This.

I've read "he was trying to be nice, even if he was patronising", "at least he isn't a psycho stalker", "at least he didn't ghost you".
May my bar never be so low.

I have been with DP many years now, but I would never excuse a patronising text with "at least it wasn't as bad as..." OP knowing she's worth more than being grateful for not being ghosted is the right attitude. As she was already on another date, it sounds like she wasn't patiently waiting on communication from him anyway.

It does sound alittle patronising, but at least he tried to explain, even if it doesn't make him look the best.

I'm not sure OP can criticise though as she was with a new date when she received it!

Maybe just me... if I liked someone enough to have sex with them, I'd usually wait to find out the situation before going on dates with others.

Love the "who dis?" Suggestion

Are you going to reply to him?

I'd want to do something equally patronising

"Yes, I quite agree we aren't right for each other, but you will be the right man for someone - just keep looking, I'm sure you have lots to offer the right woman, chin up"

He's made her sound like some desperate insecurity thing desperate for validation.

She's done that herself by posting it all over the internet going on about how she just doesn't care.

If she really didn't care, she'd just have blocked and deleted and thought no more of it.