Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

Anyone who thinks that text isn’t patronising bollocks really needs to get their twat radar serviced.

I’m not sure how or if I’d respond, but no response at all could cause him to imagine I was too crippled by grief to type, so I’d probably resist the urge to send something like, ‘Calm down Mr Darcy, I wasn’t that struck on the sex either,’ and just send a thumbs up.

Dickhead.

I haven’t RTFT only the first couple of pages and OPs posts.

sounds to me like he was just out for a shag, I’m at a loss whether a text like that or ghosting would be the better or worse option?!

see it as a bullet dodged, he sounds mediocre in ever aspect.

did you reply - sometimes silence is the loudest response!!

That's what I thought.

I agree with previous posters and the OP that this text could only have been sent by a patronising dickhead.

‘Awww thanks. Same to you. Listen I was actually on a date with a nice guy when your text came through. Thought you’d be pleased to know. 😌’

Difficult to word but basically he doesn’t want a relationship with someone who has massive care commitments because the relationship will also have to revolve round this

I think he’s done an ok job of delivering a difficult message

I think he messaged out of respect due to the fact you slept together and didn’t want you to think he just wanted a shag and dumped you

I don’t think it’s that bad, I’d much rather that than being ghosted like many do

It is possible to be a patronising and self-important twat AND try to do the right thing and not hurt people at the same time. People are not one-dimensional.

This. Can't win with some people. He thought he was being kind and nice. Maybe a bit too much but nothing sinister.

There’s no easy way to let someone down.

The message you would send sounds a lot more harsh and if you’re hurt over this, then you’d definitely be hurt over a more blunt text with no content.

I squirmed when I read his message but you can tell he’s tried to be nice and given you the reason (so you’re not wondering whether you were awful in bed or something lol).

Of course it stings but getting let down/dumped does sting.

I have said similar to a man who had 3 very young kids.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with him (that I know of) and he was a gorgeous looking man but I have raised my DC and I didn’t want to date someone with such young kids and so I sent a similar sounding message to let him though that’s it nothing personal.

‘You ARE beautiful (yes you are)!’

Genuinely, how is this a polite thing to say to someone? It’s so patronising, like how you’d speak to a pet or a small child, not an adult you had sex with!

This is a great thread to show people who complain about being ghosted

Funny how he realised he didn’t want to be with a parent carer just after he had managed to get you into bed (he clearly only put in a few dates to get his way with you).

Sadly, as a PP said, a lot of men are likely to be put off by your DC in case they/your role as carer impacts upon their own selfish lives. Unfortunately, this means you’re going to have to put your guard up more and learn to sniff out the bad ones.

There are sometimes that people never got it right.
If he doesn't test he ghost you
If he sent a brief message you will look for more explanation
If he sent you a big explanation you think he is a patronising wanker.

I wouldn't bother to give him or the text a extra second.

You were not that much invested in him as you were in another date when he send it to you so drop the fuss and carry on.

Better than being ghosted!

Mumsnet.
Man ghosts-Twat.
Man messages-Twat.

FFS. He was trying to be nice in clumsy way.
At least he was trying.
The vast majority of posters here even make that little effort.
But he is a man. What a bastard, right? They are all such vile creatures.

Why was you being a carer for a disabled child only a problem after you'd already shagged? So he just said whatever until you had sex? That was all he wanted all along?

FWIW, I would have found 'it's best not see each other' message alternative wording suggestion by Op too blunt and hurtful, ditto if he just ghosted.

I am more miffed why being a parent carer is only a problem now? presumably he knew from the first date of your role. I guess post nut clarity or was a player all along? Maybe it's easier than blaming bad sex?

The way he reassured you of your looks sounds like he detected self confidence in your appearance, if you didn't say or display any self conscious behaviour then wow it is patronising but I can believe that he genuinely meant it well and intent goes far in my book. I would have replied:

"Thank you for your message. I understand that dating a parent carer isn't for everyone which is why I was I made it clear on our first date. Anyway I appreciate your honesty. You WILL find the right lady for you one day so don't give up! 😊"

I mean, it was probably terrible because he wasn't super interested in op

Either way this really isn't that bad, at all. And of op doesn't like him either, soooo... even better right?

Very glad I am not dating. Most of these comments are very depressing.

You were already on another date and you are trying to shame this guy. He's right you weren't going to work.

The "you ARE beautiful (yes you are!)" is a fantastic example of when a compliment is not a compliment.

Reply with "you ARE right (yes you are!)" and maybe he will pick up on how fucking ridiculous that reads and never inflict it on someone else again

I don’t understand what’s to laugh at, he told you it wasn’t working out because he couldn’t cope with your commitments? Unless I’ve misinterpreted what’s actually being said, happens frequently

@Lex345 at the risk of sounding stupid, could you explain why that’s not a compliment please? I took it as him reassuring the OP after she’d disparaged her own looks? Feel like I’m massively missing something here cause everyone else is thinks it’s unpleasant 🤦🏻‍♀️

This guy isn’t serious about dating anyone but is just after sex and prefers to play games rather than be upfront about it. What is more, he is subtly letting the women know after the event that they’ve been “had” - even if he knows that they are not that into him. The yes you are! is a childish reference to having seen her naked. He is letting her know that he isn’t the nice guy she is looking for, even though he pretended to be before they slept together.

This is not a clumsy text from a guy trying to do the right thing, it is a patronising put down from a wanker. Op is a clever young woman who saw through it immediately and called it out from the start. Perhaps her being a parent carer makes her more pragmatic about these things while a lot of us (older?) women must be so brainwashed by misogynistic shit that we thought he was at least trying to do the right thing. Bullshit.