Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

Why do so many people think telling a woman you barely know they are beautiful(yes they are!) and that they will find a nice guy is ok?

It’s really eye-opening. Have we been infiltrated?

Should she write him back in a similar tone? “Oh Bob, I’m so relieved you feel the same way. You certainly are a handsome fella, really Bob! And I just know there is a gal out there for you. Hang in there!”

“Thanks Bob, you’re not too hard on the eyes yourself. Chin up, your child-free dream woman is probably just around the corner. Best regards!”

It's perfectly normal in such conversations to compliment the person and wish them well in finding what they're looking for.

How did you come to this conclusion?

Because he does it all the time.

Well, yes, but not in such a patronising way.

Same territory could be covered far more graciously by saying "It was fun spending time with you and I wish you all the best!" rather than making out like the OP needs reassurance about her looks and is desperately searching for someone to fill a gaping hole in her life.

🤣🤣🤣

So he slept with you, was crap in bed, and now tells you he can’t see you again because you have a disabled child? As if you were breathlessly awaiting the next date? What a charmer! No loss.

I’d just text back “🤣 God, yes, the sex was terrible wasn’t it!! All the best!”

This.

I see nothing wrong with his polite words.

Yeah that last bit does sound bad- "I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work" does that mean he's taking it upon himself on behalf of the male gender to tell you why some of them won't want to date you?! That's what I got from that, and if so...yikes 😬

OP - I think you come across fucking fabulous. Very straight laced, take no shit and seem to know what you want.

Hes a cringey, patronising, walking red flag - I think as you haven't messaged him and he's then sent you this wanky message, he's got onto the fact that you're not too arsed and wanted to 'get in there' first.

He's a loser.

This ^

I love the way men are given credit for not being utter shits, like they’ve done something amazing just by not being an awful person. There are so many posts saying ‘at least he didn’t ghost you.’ Do we really need to set the bar so low?

Can I add a suggestion, we need to put (yes you are!) after ‘you certainly are a handsome fella, really Bob!’

The total sense of humour bypass on this thread really sums up a lot of MN really. I thought I’d never be one of the posters waxing on about days gone past, but I do miss it.

Ah well
Done on texting you to tell you, "you are beautiful , you really are!"
but it won't work !! Jeez the bar is low for men these days , what a patronising jerk off !
Part
Of me
Would want to tell him the mediocre sex would mean my parent carer role would absolutely
Always be wayyy to busy for any future availability, just to bring him back down off that high horse of what a great guy he is !

If a woman was on here saying that she quite likes this guy but he has significant caring responsibilities and she just doesn't think this situation is for her, she would have a long stream of posters on here saying "Too right. Please don't in any way feel obliged to stick to this relationship. If you stay you will probably end up doing a lot of the caring responsibilities yourself." I'm not sure why a guy basically being honest about the same thing is suddenly this evil person.

I’m listening(!) sorry for not replying sooner, on a date when your message came in and couldn’t think who you were at first. Have to say I’m relieved as couldn’t get past the mediocre sex. Your text confirms it, we are very different people. You’re not bad looking yourself though (I mean it!). Hope you find someone more suited. Best. OP

can see the snobs and snides are out in full force.

But that’s the difference, they’d be HIS children…

Oh come on.

It's not the reason that's the issue - anyone can decide not to continue a relationship for any reason, men & women - it's the cringey, patronising message.

OP you sound great, and happily unfazed by this idiot (I love you got the text while out on a date with someone else!)

I would just message

"Thx for the text. Take care. Bye x"

Anything else makes it look like you care. You want him to think you aren't fussed. After such a wanky let you down easy text, you want him to go away thinking that you weren't that fussed and not bothered as he's crap in bed

This, what would you like him to say ?