Argh, look at this awful text from a date!

[londonisnotme]

AIBU to think it's just bloody awful?

'Hi L! How are you? Sorry I haven't replied , busy few days in the office. Listen, I really enjoyed our time together but I think your caring roles are a different world to mine. It just doesn't seem right for me to, and I thought you needed to know. You ARE beautiful (yes you are!) , but I can't get past this. I needed you to know so you knew why sometimes it won't work , but I'm sure there's a very nice guy out there just for you 😌'

I go from thinking it's cringe, to patronising. To maybe making for of me?!

For context, went on a few dates. Kissed and asked to have sex. I did. I wanted to. Wasn't very good but we move

He's then text this. Whilst I'm on a date with someone else Saturday night

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh.

It’s not so bad - at least he’s not a psycho stalker sending abuse.

Imagine if a bloke came on here and posted something like

"I met a girl, went on a few dates with her, slept with her.
Sex wasn't much good so I decided to ghost her.
Then she had the nerve to send me a message saying she wasn't interested in ME!
Doesn't she realise I was ghosting her?
I was even out on a date with another girl when she text lol
So I showed it to all my mates for a laugh and told them all she was shit in bed"

AIBU to assume some of the posters on here needlessly being a dick to OP are... men? 🤔

You can only hope, right? Surely women can’t really think this is acceptable?!

Posting awkward texts on the internet so that posters can rip this person apart on the basis of not very much at all? Yes I agree it's unacceptable.

Somebody who cares full time for their child who has significant needs in addition to that of a child who has typical needs.
For this, even though you can only do no more than a few hours work a week to claim it, carer’s allowance is a measly £76.75 week.

There are parent careers, child carers (who care for a parent or relative) and carers who are paid carer’s allowance to care for someone who isn’t their direct dependent.

“That’s ok-was only really interested in the sex; until I wasn’t. But I’m sure you will find someone who will be. Take care x”

We have very different definitions of “awkward”.

Funny how this seems to have only struck him after sleeping with you.

You'd think when you were talking about your life he would've said it wasn't for him at that point.

He's been honest, clear and direct. You don't like his communication style. Now you're trying to shame and ridicule him online. One of you is a bit of an arse.

I would reply and say cheers mate and deliberately get his name wrong.

Sigh. She’s not calling HIM a pussy. It was a pun based on a pp’s post. I think OP meant he clearly didn’t enjoy stroking this pussy cat (i.e. OP), hence the wanky text.

I am quite prudish but the sense of humour bypass on this thread is unreal.

He wrote to apologise: "Sorry I haven't replied" so the OP must have sent something that he hadn't replied to. What was that? And he referred to her 'caring roles' - feeling it right to communicate and explain why he didn't think a relationship would work. Seems a better thing to do rather than not replying and leaving her wondering why he didn't reply. And he said she is beautiful, a compliment rather than a rejection or leaving her thinking there was something wrong with her. That's how I'd see it.

It's really all about the timing and context that is missing from OPs posts.

When did she tell him about her caring responsibilities - before/after sex?

Why did his text start with 'Sorry I didn't reply' - Reply to what?

Did they discuss in person the OPs possible lack of confidence in her physical attractiveness?

Did the previously not replied to text(?) suggest something to him that he felt he had to offer reassurance regarding her perceived lack of confidence being simply that: a perception?

The use of the word 'Listen', although taken as patronising by some readers, to me indicates he is responding to something that has been suggested.

But, hey, what do I know other than planning on showing 'mates' a private text is not something I could ever imagine doing to anyone no matter if I was intent on ghosting them.

A parent carer is a parent of a disabled child who is therefore also caring.

It's not another term for parent.

I thought this text was ok but then I read it again and find it really off. The final sentence is effing weird. What business is it of his if she finds a “nice guy” just for her? It feels a bit mocking, as though he’s laughing at her. This text reads as though he knows op isn’t that interested and that the sex didn’t go well, so he is trying to gain the upper hand and be the one to end it. Childish. He’s a wanker!

Hmnn am way out of dating by about 30 years 😂Just think that he bothered to give you feedback, which is better than other scenarios i have read on MN ! Am not saying it is acceptable,but at least you can move on now .X

I don’t think “listen” is patronising, I think it’s bizarre in a text.

The OP has clarified that she didn’t give him indication that she didn’t think herself attractive - her beauty (or otherwise) wasn’t discussed. That’s precisely what’s so wrong about his text - he really isn’t complimenting her.

Agree with previous poster who said he couldn't handle not being number 1 in your priorities.

I wouldn't think twice about it.

"Yes, I think you're right because clearly we're not sexually compatible. I was underwhelmed" might be a good response.

Is this a joke? You were on a date with another man lol

Hmm I'm 50/50 on the subject.

It's not too bad and he's been direct, straightforward, complimentary, and tried to be kind. Instead of just 'ghosting' which is what I hear everyone does these days. Much nicer than that.

I think where he's got it wrong is by trying to pussyfoot around your assumed disappointment but he must have got the idea you like him and that you assume the relationship will continue to develop.

Also I'd say he's been really honest and that's a refreshing thing in this life. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with a 'parent carer' but I get the impression if you weren't one he'd have liked to see more of you. Obv he knows you're not going to be able to change that and sounds like it's actually him who's the disappointed party.

Even with the 'listen', hmm I dunno it's not too bad, people use that to introduce bad news so he wasn't totally off beam.

Could be better / could be far worse is my summary

Well he's clearly being very clumsily descriptive in the act of 'dumping' you. Haha. He probably thinks you'll be devastated. No doubt like Gwen Stefani you well away from this fella. He sounds like a child himself.

Reminds me of Ross' "you just hang in there" line to Rachel in Friends!😄

I still haven't deleted the text so me and a few friends can have a laugh

Charming.

The text is clumsily worded to be sure, but taken at face value it's OK.