Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

Seems like you don't want your brother to come because he is lazy, disorganised and sounds quite hopeless (31 year old, still living at home and having your poor mum do all his cooking and cleaning, he can't even feed himself whilst your mum is away)
Why can't you just say that to him? you can't come because of the above reasons and mum needs a break from you.
TBH is seems like you're telling him it's "a girly weekend" because you don't want to tell him the truth and he is not getting the hint ?

I mean you can say you wouldn't mind your brother coming along, fair enough, but to make it out as if going on a girls trip is weird and dumb is ridiculous.

Reads like your brother was happy with your plan until he realised that he’d actually have to fend for himself without mum doing things for him for an entire weekend and now he wants to go.

If he really wanted to go or was interested, he would have said something when you told him the idea in the first place

Agree with this 100%.

the poor mum waits on him hand and foot at home and I can imagine that he would expect her to do the same on holiday!

Well then more fool her tbh!

I had to re check the ages of the birthday girls.

They are will only be 70 & 60.

That's my generation & I thought that men expecting to be waited on & women doing it had long died out!

What makes it a ‘girls weekend’? Simply no boys allowed? Pink handcuffs? Face masks and manicures?

...and YOU say hello to Doris Day for us, the next time you see her.

Oh. What constitutes a 'Girls' weekend' in your book then?

As under the age of 16, not many 'girls' go away without an adult

Tell him it is girls only and just don't discuss further.

Leave him to sulk and if he doesn't invite you to the meal then don't comment, just you, your dh, your dd don't show up and let him explain that away and look like the twit he is.

Your brother sounds a nightmare tbh. Throwing his toys out of the pram AFTER you've booked and paid for the trip because what he wants is sooo important, and then banning you from the family meal out of spite?

Why should OP feel obliged to take her brother along? He's not a dependant child. Sometimes it's nice to spend time with just one or two people you're close to.

Honestly I can't believe people think you should dance to his tune.

Are they inviting your brother to that?

But is iS Dumb and ridiculous - the minute there is a man there it ceases to be a girls trip.

Why shouldn't women want to spend time with other women? Or men, with other men?

Why does everything have to be "gender-neutral" to make it "fair"?

Men and women are different .

They are equal, but different, and anyone who can't see that is either wilfully determined to negate those differences, or just too thick to see it.

Then don't go on one.

It is possible to like both (I do) depending on the tindery

YANBU!! Enjoy your girls weekend it sounds fab

Double XX chromosomes.

No Y's allowed.

Is that clear enough for you?

Interesting, can you cite any of that research?

I'm pretty sure there are still men's clubs in the UK.

Also girls have been allowed to join the Scouts for decades now. Have you ever considered this idea that men "need" to be in men-only groups and can't possibly be themselves or express themselves in mixed company is a self-perpetuating cycle? Certainly the younger generations seem more able to cope, my sons include many more women in their circle of friends than was normal when I was young and honestly I think it's an improvement, they're far more emotionally intelligent and far less sexist than men of my generation. Imagine feeling like you can't be yourself in front of half the human race.

Your brother is being a jerk. Of course you should be able to have your weekend, as planned. God siblings can be painful. And men, well, when it comes to family birthdays, show me a man who gets off his arse to arrange anything and I'll show you the holy grail.

The OP has answered that. Yes, and they already have done.

The OP planned, booked and PAID for this trip which her mum and aunt sound thrilled about.

Let's leave it at that, it's HER gift and as far as I'm concerned she gets to call the shots.

So many people on here are hand wringing about nothing. It's a just a weekend! Her brother is free to also plan and pay for another trip for them if he so desires.

Oh ~FFS!

I HATE these sorts of responses.

My mum didn't make her 60th. Is it a competition?

My daughters took me out for my 60th.

And I did something different with my son.

And we did something with all the family.

I had a lovely time.

And btw, he lives with her and she looks after him, so I bet it's more to do with him and his dad not having the housekeeper at their beck and call.

Men do change the dynamic. One of my closest friends is a guy, I actually spent a recent Christmas with him (and his family) but despite that when I organise a birthday activity for my next birthday it’s probably going to be girls only therefore I won’t be inviting him and other men I’m close to. And it’s no reflection on who he is as a person, I just sometimes prefer girls only.

In OPs case it’s super clear that the brother shouldn’t be involved also for the fact he is so entitled. My brothers would never demand to go anywhere that me and my female cousins and Aunty etc had planned. Particularly if I had paid for it. They wouldn’t ask let alone demand because they’d be smart enough to know , in the absence of an invite, where they’re not wanted 😂

Really? If we hold a barbie with all my friends, male and female, we definitely have different conversations than on the odd chance that it's just the girls.
Sometimes we chat about menstruation, birth experiences/trauma, tips for stretch marks, cellulite. Heck I don't know, sometimes we chat about shared experiences between women, which I think is really important. Sometimes it's nice and reassuring to hear that yeah it's normal for your breasts to change when nursing, vaginal dryness after birth etc.
All of these which I wouldn't be comfortable discussing in front of my best friends husband.
I think this 'gender-segregation is weird' thing is actually contributing towards the aloneness we feel and the info that does not get carried over. I've chatted to so many younger women who said 'oh I never knew this was common' or 'no -one told me these tips' 'i thought it was just me'.

And in a similar fashion men can chat, joke, reassure each other in a different way when it's just men.

If I want to go out/away with my female friends and not our husbands I will!

And they are at liberty to do the same.

We are not surgically attached.

Also to the person who keeps harping on about whether my mum has specifically said she doesn't want my brother there...she has said she is looking forward to a weekend away from all the hopeless men in her life!

What would be absolutely brilliant is if being away from the men and seeing a different perspective gave her the courage to start making some changes at home and refusing to be their maid, cook, washerwoman and all the other things. A far fetched hope perhaps but it could happen.