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Original poster

Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

443 replies

NatMoz · 10/01/2024 15:18

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

OP posts:
PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:21

Why is it odd for a man in his 30s to want to spend time with his mother and aunt, but not for a woman in her 30s to do likewise?

StephanieSuperpowers · 10/01/2024 19:24

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:21

Why is it odd for a man in his 30s to want to spend time with his mother and aunt, but not for a woman in her 30s to do likewise?

I doubt the OP has booked the last weekend away ever. He can have that magical time he craves when he books and pays for it.

bluebellcopse · 10/01/2024 19:25

I agree he should stay at home. If he wanted to organise something special like a weekend away he could have but didn't bother.

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:27

5128gap · 10/01/2024 19:21

Women don't choose not to share details about their bodies and biology with men to avoid troubling men. They do it to protect their own privacy. The fact that you try to shame women for that by framing it as an act of service to men is offensive. If you can't conceive of the value of a gathering that doesn't include a man in its number then you really have no business lecturing women on feminism.

Show quote history

Holy hyperbole, no one is trying to "shame" anyone, if anything the shame is in trying to maintain female biology as something secret, taboo and unseemly rather than a part of every day life.

TooBigForMyBoots · 10/01/2024 19:30

No, the shame is all on the man who can't take NO for an answer.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/01/2024 19:33

Op why is your brother still living with your parents at the age of 31?!

he needs to grow up

YANBU

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2024 19:33

It seems it would have made some people on this thread happier, and then been a unanimous Yanbu if you'd said

'My mum wants to go on holiday for her birthday with people she isn't expected to run around after. She does everything for a particular person and just wants a break from it. This person is lazy, useless, self-absorbed and can't take no for an answer. My mum has had enough of taking care of them because they're an adult now and she's done it for 31 years. The person is now saying they want to come.'

I see absolutely why you've called it a girls weekend. It's the only way you can get away with excluding this bell end.

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:35

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2024 19:33

It seems it would have made some people on this thread happier, and then been a unanimous Yanbu if you'd said

'My mum wants to go on holiday for her birthday with people she isn't expected to run around after. She does everything for a particular person and just wants a break from it. This person is lazy, useless, self-absorbed and can't take no for an answer. My mum has had enough of taking care of them because they're an adult now and she's done it for 31 years. The person is now saying they want to come.'

I see absolutely why you've called it a girls weekend. It's the only way you can get away with excluding this bell end.

Well yes, because that is in fact the real issue here, isn't it?

TooBigForMyBoots · 10/01/2024 19:43

I can only assume some posters on this thread have never been on a girls weekend away. And I can see why they're not asked.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 10/01/2024 19:43

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:21

Why is it odd for a man in his 30s to want to spend time with his mother and aunt, but not for a woman in her 30s to do likewise?

@PrawnLiberationFront but he doesn’t want to spend time with his mum and Aunt does he - he just doesn’t want to miss out being treated to a holiday!

If he wanted to spend to spend a weekend with them why hasn’t he booked and paid for one like the OP has?!

Or how about helping his Mum at home instead of behaving like a child expecting her to cook and clear up after him…

Going by your posts I bet you are a man.

5128gap · 10/01/2024 19:46

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:27

Holy hyperbole, no one is trying to "shame" anyone, if anything the shame is in trying to maintain female biology as something secret, taboo and unseemly rather than a part of every day life.

Show quote history

Don't be disingenuous. You know full well that accusing women of 'not wanting to trouble the menfolk' was clearly intended to shame them for old fashioned non feminist thinking. At least own it.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2024 19:47

TooBigForMyBoots · 10/01/2024 19:43

I can only assume some posters on this thread have never been on a girls weekend away. And I can see why they're not asked.

😂😂😂 I was thinking the same.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/01/2024 19:49

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:21

Why is it odd for a man in his 30s to want to spend time with his mother and aunt, but not for a woman in her 30s to do likewise?

Don't be disingenuous

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:52

Cheesyfootballs01 · 10/01/2024 19:43

@PrawnLiberationFront but he doesn’t want to spend time with his mum and Aunt does he - he just doesn’t want to miss out being treated to a holiday!

If he wanted to spend to spend a weekend with them why hasn’t he booked and paid for one like the OP has?!

Or how about helping his Mum at home instead of behaving like a child expecting her to cook and clear up after him…

Going by your posts I bet you are a man.

Edited
Show quote history

Does he? I don't know. I don't know him, and nor do you.

I absolutely agree he should be helping more at home and I've said several times now the real problem here is OP's poor aunt can't seem to escape drudgery unless her male relatives are entirely absent.

"You disagree with me so you must be a man" is such a lazy argument it barely warrants a response but I assure you I am a woman, a wife, and a mother.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 10/01/2024 20:00

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 19:52

Does he? I don't know. I don't know him, and nor do you.

I absolutely agree he should be helping more at home and I've said several times now the real problem here is OP's poor aunt can't seem to escape drudgery unless her male relatives are entirely absent.

"You disagree with me so you must be a man" is such a lazy argument it barely warrants a response but I assure you I am a woman, a wife, and a mother.

Show quote history

Lol it’s clearly obvious that’s what he wants - you are just being deliberately obtuse.

I don’t think you are a man because you disagree with me - I think you are a man because of various things you have posted…

Probably an entitled one like OPs brother at that!!

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 20:03

Cheesyfootballs01 · 10/01/2024 20:00

Lol it’s clearly obvious that’s what he wants - you are just being deliberately obtuse.

I don’t think you are a man because you disagree with me - I think you are a man because of various things you have posted…

Probably an entitled one like OPs brother at that!!

Show quote history

Which things that I've posted make you think I'm a man? I'm genuinely intrigued as to which of my opinions you think are so manly.

5128gap · 10/01/2024 20:27

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 20:03

Which things that I've posted make you think I'm a man? I'm genuinely intrigued as to which of my opinions you think are so manly.

Show quote history

That for a start! Men pretending to be women always ask what makes you think they're a man. They want to know what gave them away. Real women accused of being a man generally just correct the error because they know they're women so don't need to learn how to pass. (I'm not saying you are a man BTW, just giving you an example of some typical giveaway male behaviour, since you asked!)

PrawnLiberationFront · 10/01/2024 21:31

5128gap · 10/01/2024 20:27

That for a start! Men pretending to be women always ask what makes you think they're a man. They want to know what gave them away. Real women accused of being a man generally just correct the error because they know they're women so don't need to learn how to pass. (I'm not saying you are a man BTW, just giving you an example of some typical giveaway male behaviour, since you asked!)

Show quote history

It's not "typical giveaway male behaviour " though is it, since I'm not a man.

It is possible that you're actually wrong about this quite a lot of the time?

Consideringachange2023 · 10/01/2024 21:54

Why are so many people pretending they’ve never heard of a girls weekend???? WTAF on mn.

of course men change the dynamic? Women have their own bonds and rituals the same way men do. We’re allowed to say actually this is for women, because it’s what we’d prefer this time.

thats without the whole thing about the mum wanting a break from the men she lives with day in day out.

ignore your brother OP, its more than sufficient to say “sorry, it’s girls weekend this time but feel free to organise your own trip”. Enjoy!

Nanny0gg · 10/01/2024 22:29

gannett · 10/01/2024 18:56

I'm not offended, but it's striking that whenever people bring up examples of conversations they simply cannot have with a man in the room, it's usually to do with either birth or hating their husbands. Neither of which are relevant to me! So that's a reason that "girly weekends" and the like don't make sense to me.

I don't really talk about periods with friends at all tbh, though I wouldn't hesitate to make an offhand reference in front of men. If I had an actual health issue I'd want to talk to my GP, and I definitely wouldn't want to bring it up over cocktails with the girls.

Show quote history

When I'm out with female friends I have no preconceived ideas of what we are going to talk about.

Sometimes it's the same topics as we talk about when our husbands are there, sometimes it's not.

Sometimes we talk about them! Sometimes we may talk about something personal that we don't want the others' DHs to know about.

All I know is, both situations are enjoyable, but I like sometimes just going out with women

WandaWonder · 10/01/2024 22:39

Consideringachange2023 · 10/01/2024 21:54

Why are so many people pretending they’ve never heard of a girls weekend???? WTAF on mn.

of course men change the dynamic? Women have their own bonds and rituals the same way men do. We’re allowed to say actually this is for women, because it’s what we’d prefer this time.

thats without the whole thing about the mum wanting a break from the men she lives with day in day out.

ignore your brother OP, its more than sufficient to say “sorry, it’s girls weekend this time but feel free to organise your own trip”. Enjoy!

I can;t think of anything in my female life that I do normally or on holidays that I need to be in female only company for I could not think of anything worse than having to have a 'girlie' weekend I have been away to events with all male and all females and mix sexes and there is nothing wrong with that but a staged 'girlie' weekend is not necessary, I just get on with people because of who they are

I have no desire for spa days, talking of periods, makeup or martyring myself by hard done by men make me feel - if this is a girlie weekend then sounds boring

BUT like anything if an even is for someone like a birthday it is up to that person what they want so if a close friend wanted that themselves fine

maddening · 10/01/2024 23:06

If it were me and my brother I would have happily had him along- it is just a family trip imo

maddening · 10/01/2024 23:07

And I would have left the decision to the mum and aunt whose birthday it is.

Fullofxmascbeer · 10/01/2024 23:38

The time to have said that he wanted to come was at the time the idea was mooted.

Anyway it’s your present to your mum.

saraclara · 10/01/2024 23:41

maddening · 10/01/2024 23:07

And I would have left the decision to the mum and aunt whose birthday it is.

The problem is that if they were put in a situation where they know he's asked and they have to decide, they'll capitulate, because they've been having to do that all their lives.

It's OP 's gift, she knows they're excited to escape their needy men, she's booked everything, so there's no need for them to decide anything.

But yep, if you're making the point that it's their choice to have a women only trip, your on the money.