Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

He wouldn't say he was throwing a strop. I'm sure he could just say it was a son, aunt and mother trip.

Child-free by choice so no sadness here. I've had plenty of conversations about the social pressure to have kids and my decision not to with both male and female friends, though, and have learned a lot from all sides. I actually think it's really important to discuss gender-related issues with men - it's a step towards breaking out of the stereotypes and pressures, to learn what their perspective is.

I genuinely can't think of a single topic I'd be more guarded about with a man? But I'm not in the habit of talking about intimate sex/body stuff with female friends either.

And I'm sorry that you are deliberately misunderstanding why women may want to spend time in the company of other women.

I must say, I find the objections to the idea that a trip involving a Mum, her daughter and her sister that they all want to go on together is wrong because it's depriving a man of something he didn't want until someone else was having it, strange.

That's a reach. The poster also mentioned menstruation and menopause which are not restricted to married mothers.
A man, married father or otherwise, will never experience the ravages of birth on his body, and can never even have the bodily parts to imagine it, so how on earth can it be more relevant to him? Not every uniquely female experience is experienced by everyone who is female, but it's a certain fact none of them will ever be experienced by anyone who is male.

He is throwing a strop though. What else is it

The men I choose to have in my life don't whinge constantly. Find better friends.

Unfortunately this type of outrage is all too common when women want to tell a man no.

@gannett
How old are you? Honestly when your struggling with menopause and night sweats, crazy out of synch periods, brain fog, bleeding through pads etc...it's really nice to hear you're not alone.
I never discussed periods until I hit menopause.
I also never had conversations about piles, collapsing vaginas, bunions, sagging boobs, grey hair until I got older.

Obviously there are other topics of conversation 😂 but no one is left out due to not having a baby, the husband is a jerk conversations are always fun for the singles, it make you realise what you are not missing out on.

A completely spoilt and lazy man baby is throwing a strop because he's not allowed to gatecrash a holiday sorted,organised and paid for by a woman, for other women to enjoy and celebrate their birthdays without having to pander to his mighty penis for once, and OP is the one that's some how anti feminist?

Why do you keep trying to bring this back to the trans issue which is utterly irrelevant here?

Because it affects his wife/partner, whom he presumably loves and wants to understand better? Whereas it doesn't affect me or anyone in my house? If DP has a health issue I want to educate myself on it, even if I don't - or can't - have it, so that we can tackle it together or just so I can empathise more.

jesus christ the woman runs round all day after these man children and now op is being guilted into taking her brother who she slaves after every day

he sound like he wants a free holiday leave him at home

YANBU, your brother is acting like a spoiled brat. Ignore him.

I think those who think men don't ruin the dynamic have totally totally different conversations with their girl friends than I have. (And I'll keep mine please).

Yanbu op. Go enjoy it with your mum and aunt.

So they can talk about their girl parts without troubling the menfolk, and so they can avoid succumbing to the biological urge to cook and clean, if your argument is to be believed.

Don’t pay for him! He’s got used to your parents enabling him by paying for his holidays. Little shit.

You're absolutely not in the wrong at all op. Enjoy your weekend away. He looks like the arse for uninviting you to the meal, oh well, make up for it on your trip 😃

so he wants you to pay aswell?

He is a man. Excluding him would apparently be unconscionable discrimination. How else is he going to learn to be pathetically dependent on his female relations?

For shame.

I have no idea why women have to justify just wanting to be with other women - just because - is enough as far as I am concerned.

Of course it affects him, but he cannot reassure or give tips or empathize and share advice as he is not menstruating for example. So I share my struggles with my husband, but also with my girlfriends, who obviously can do more than just say "I'm sorry darling, it must be hard' or so on. They give different support than my husband.

It also has nothing to do with other men? So my friends can give advice, my husband support, but why would I chat about this with men at a braai.

And obv it's not all we chat about during times/weekends where it's girls only, but people were saying they don't understand why people would ever want sex-segregated times?

I know? And now that I've tried to explain that there might be conversations were more comfortable having away from men, I'm attacked by other woman, no less.
It should be enough to say, I'd like some time spent with my mom and sis.
Why not?

I find it so odd your brother would want to come...my sister and I regularly go city breaks with our mum and my brother stays at home. My sister and I both live with our DPs whereas brother is younger and still at home with mum but he would not be interested in going on a girly weekend with us, we're lucky to get him to go anywhere to be honest as he always has 'better' plans. I usually have to remind him about mums birthday and get a present for him to give her.

Sounds like your brother perhaps wants to go to take credit like this is also his present to your mum etc rather than organising the wider family meal.

Feel bad for your mum who may feel pressured to say she wants him there when she is really looking forward to a girly weekend.

Women don't choose not to share details about their bodies and biology with men to avoid troubling men. They do it to protect their own privacy. The fact that you try to shame women for that by framing it as an act of service to men is offensive. If you can't conceive of the value of a gathering that doesn't include a man in its number then you really have no business lecturing women on feminism.