Anger and sadness at this interaction with homeless person

[BlueCupOrangeCup]

Tonight, a polite homeless man named Kevin told me he secured a spot in a 12-week program at St Mungo's after a year of homelessness. He needed £7.50 urgently to go there tonight and had been trying all day. Skeptical, I regretfully declined, later realizing he might have been genuine.

I'm replaying the whole conversation in my head and now I think I recall him almost bursting into tears as he asked if there was any way at all I could help him.

This one might have been genuine and I'm so disgusted with myself.

I could have helped. I had a £5 note in my purse....and I am fortunate enough that I wouldn't miss it or notice it gone.

And at the same time I'm also so angry at scammers of this thing. If someone stood in front of you asking begging for a small amount of money to help them and you knew it was genuine OF COURSE all of us would help! But genuine people don't get the help they need because scammers make people have attitudes like mine tonight.

There is no way to phone st Mungo's now to 'pre pay' for Kevin should he turn up tonight....meanwhile I'm going home to sleep in my warm bed and work my lovely job tomorrow.

Poor Kevin, I'm sorry I didn't help you.

Yet you were bang out of order. It’s £7,5 you wouldn’t miss it why wouldn’t you help. Even if he was gonna piss it up a wall his life isn’t good he might need the outlet

Don't feel bad. It's almost certainly not what he needed money for.

He was lying.

Amazing how you can be so sure.

Because all to often the money is not going directly to the person who looks homeless on the street but instead to fund human trafficking and modern day slavery

That's what the OP is annoyed about. If she could have been sure that he was genuinely homeless then it sounds like she would be happy to help. But there's nothing wrong with being reluctant in case you are funding human trafficking

Def a scam, most are not homeless anyway. Often live in a squat or part of an organised gang.
Plus it's illegal in most cities to give money directly to beggars.

I don't think St Mungo's charge individuals up front. Why not phone them and ask? You could make a donation to them directly.

Enough!! She was NOT bang of order to refuse him money end of.
And yes, he was probably going to piss it up the wall and she would be enabling his lifestyle.

There's no point in beating yourself up OP.

Short of a crystal ball, all you can do is give if your intuition tells you to, or don't give if it doesn't.

Unfortunately there are so many real and fake homeless where I live in London that even if I intuitively thought they were being truthful, I can't give to all of them.

So I'm always going to have to 'let someone down'.

I never give cash to people begging. I do give a bottle of water, sandwich, a hot drink in cold weather.

I am not sure what sort of program takes you on for 12 weeks, but you need the money upfront every night. If it is a charity, then this will have been funded anyway.

I agree with you OP, what a sad state of affairs!

A 12 week programme wouldn’t cost £7.50 either.
the usual thing is to ask for bus or train fare

Just to add if 'enabling' a homeless person's lifestyle means giving them a couple of quid when I know they're going to drink it, I'm happy with that.

God knows how many addicts are on the street, but even if every single one of them decided to get help tomorrow, the NHS and other charities couldn't cope at all.

The government would rather keep the addicts on the streets, being 'enabled' by passers by, rather than government money.

Look, you did what you did. I doubt you have bad intent. If you want to, you can make a different choice if similar happens in the future. There's no point in fretting now.

It sounds like a tale to me. You did what you thought best at time your gut is usually right.
A chap stopped me years ago in Manchester with a very similar tale and I politely said no. He then stopped me again many months later with exact same rehearsed speech. He was very convincing.

Aw OP I know what you mean. The area around my workplace is a hot spot and I get asked for change so many times a day and it's so clear some of the people are part of some kind of trafficking/beggars network arrangement.

It's just so frequent that I feel desensitised and I can't remember the last time I actually gave someone change.

Same here. You get to recognise the same faces and same tales.

There is a chap where I live who does the same. Young teens give him money for "food". He spends it in the bookies.

You are missing the point. A lot of them have homes and are in receipt of benefits. They are out on the street posing as homeless because they have very expensive addictions to fund.

You've no idea what he needed the money for. The issue is really whether you could afford to lose 7.50 against the feeling of satisfaction you get from helping another. There are no right or wrong answers it boils down to how you feel. You are obviously fretting about not giving him the money which suggests that maybe you regret it

he is not telling the truth

If you read my previous post you'll see I'm doing anything but missing the point.

I'm talking about being intuitive when it comes to who I think is real and who isn't.

And if I think an addict is in real need of a drink or a fix and they really are homeless, I don't give a shit if that's what they spend it on.

I've no right to judge from my warm, addiction free home.

He might have been genuine, he might not have.

If you feel bad then you could always make a donation to St Mungos, or Shelter.

Many, many of them don't. My BF used to be homeless so he knows the homeless population. There's a hell of a lot of them.

In our city the majority are genuinely homeless.