Anger and sadness at this interaction with homeless person

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Tonight, a polite homeless man named Kevin told me he secured a spot in a 12-week program at St Mungo's after a year of homelessness. He needed £7.50 urgently to go there tonight and had been trying all day. Skeptical, I regretfully declined, later realizing he might have been genuine.

I'm replaying the whole conversation in my head and now I think I recall him almost bursting into tears as he asked if there was any way at all I could help him.

This one might have been genuine and I'm so disgusted with myself.

I could have helped. I had a £5 note in my purse....and I am fortunate enough that I wouldn't miss it or notice it gone.

And at the same time I'm also so angry at scammers of this thing. If someone stood in front of you asking begging for a small amount of money to help them and you knew it was genuine OF COURSE all of us would help! But genuine people don't get the help they need because scammers make people have attitudes like mine tonight.

There is no way to phone st Mungo's now to 'pre pay' for Kevin should he turn up tonight....meanwhile I'm going home to sleep in my warm bed and work my lovely job tomorrow.

Poor Kevin, I'm sorry I didn't help you.

@Treeper22 my friend with MH issues lived in a tent on wasteland for 8 months. I’m well aware that services are lacking, to put it mildly.
But there are charities doing amazing work. They are under resourced, but that doesn’t mean that they help no-one.
For that reason, I still think that £7.50 to (say) St Mungo’s is a better choice than £7.50 to an individual in the situation OP describes.
That’s my view, I don’t expect everyone to share it, but I don’t want anyone to assume it comes from a place of stupidity about available services!

Plus it's illegal in most cities to give money directly to beggars.

That simply isn’t true.

I feel this might help you OP.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jan/22/how-do-i-help-rough-sleepers-homelessness-money-begging-street

Homeless charities ask you not to give money on the street. They'll also work with people to fund costs from benefits rather than turn them away. Also at this time of the year (Winter months) there is a lot of options for shelters from churches and pop up shelters and these are free- I know because we have been involved with them in the past.

I wouldn’t have believed him in this day and age unfortunately. Trying all day - he would definitely have got £7.50. And unlikely a program would have kicked him off. I read somewhere that at least half of “homeless” people aren’t homeless at all and it is now the case that people are advised to give money to homeless organisations to help homeless people, rather than giving money directly to people on the street.

the last time I was in a city centre and approached by someone who claimed to be homeless (I was with 3 other women), my jaw nearly hit the floor. The guy had nicer clothes on than me. Branded lovely jacket, hiking boots, he was clean, he looked like a middle class bloke on a walk. One of the people I was with gave him £10. She doesn’t have a lot of money - she can eat and pay bills, but isn’t splashing cash on anything.

i think homelessness needs to be properly tackled and as part of that, begging random people in the street should be completely banned. I do think members of the public would donate money to local organisations if they knew proper help was being given. There are so many scammers these days and personally this stops me from ever giving money. I have done in the past. I did once when I was out with dh and he said to me - you just got scammed. Probably right. It’s worse now with the organised rings of people who put fake homeless people out and then pocket the money. This is a really good reason to ban begging on the street.

you shouldn’t feel bad op
professionals are good at their job. This man was good. He was a professional most likely.

I think that story he told you was exactly that. I think the reason he was nearly crying was because he thought he had you hooked and then you backed out. I would call St Mungo's tomorrow and ask them.

Sounds like a scam, I always see them near my local Tesco in central London, and they make me feel so uneasy especially when I'm walking at night with my kids. These are usually able bodied men who don't look like their starving but then again looks can be deceiving.

I'd feel the same way as you. There has been an ongoing situation in my town, of a person asking for a specific amount for the bus, with an accompanying tale about their loved one just being rushed to hospital and them trying to get to them. This has happened nearly everyday, all day for over a week and some say they've seen the person getting into a car at the end of the day (small town, busy town Facebook group 🙈) We also had a man 'living' at the side of the road for a couple of months, sleeping bag and cardboard blankets. He was getting picked up by a newish car everynight and lived a few miles away. So, it's natural to be weary. The scammers are getting smarter. It's really sad for the genuine homeless, when you know there are many.

Well he's not going to see this, is he. Unfortunately you're just going to have to accept how you feel and act differently next time if you feel you did wrong.

I don't consider it my business what a homeless person does with the money I give them and certainly am not placed to be their moral guardian. I only hope they do something with it that provides them anything, of any benefit.

There's nothing stopping anyone from giving a small amount and then going home to donate more to the organisations that are trying to solve the issues more permanently if they feel at all strongly about it.

The narrative that anyone made homeless cannot be trusted is incredibly distasteful diversion IMO and a dated excuse for the fact people want nothing do with them.

My bio mom is typically in and out of rehab. Give money to charities, not individuals.

Never reveal where you keep your money or your way of contacting home to strangers unless absolutely necessary.
If you have coins in your pocket, great. If you need to take a call, do so and discretely hide your phone.
Your safety is the priority.

What a dumb statement.

No she wasn't bang out of order, many people use the same lie to get money from people everyday.

Don’t feel bad. He’s most probably lying.

Homeless shelters never charge for entry. I'm sure Kevin was a lovely guy fallen on hard times but he was spinning you a yarn.

the point is that the homeless person likely not to actually be homeless

His life might be great if he makes a living begging and doesn’t need to pay tax and claims benefits on top.

or he might be a gang victim.

He wasn't telling you the truth OP. St Mungo's doesn't charge people. So you haven't prevented him from getting into a programme.

What you do with your money is up to you. If you want to give it to anyone you can.

One thing to maybe bear in mind though is that for a person struggling with addiction, their struggle is made worse by being enabled to fund the addiction. I do understand the "what's the harm in giving cash that might go towards a quick fix while having a horrendous time" argument. But the harm comes from every quick fix that holds a person within the mire.

There are organisations and agencies that work with rough sleepers and addicts. They don't have the resources they need but they know what they're doing. Giving that £7.50 to people who know what they're doing, even if they can't reach everyone, will potentially help Kevin and will definitely help someone in the long run. Giving Kevin £7.50 would just have made it more difficult for him to win his fight.

Haha I recognise this I was stopped by a woman with a plausible story about losing her cards/ wallet just needed to get home. I gave but then she stopped me again a week later same story. After that I saw her regularly. Lots of people do this it’s not an uncommon way to earn money to feed a habit.

Guy asked me for a cigarette in Birmingham recently, smoking area at New St. station, I said no because he looked like a professional "I need something from you" type, but lied that I didn`t have enough cigarettes, should I feel bad?

Price of cigarettes now it’s like asking someone for a quid just about. I don’t smoke anymore but I can’t imagine people freely share cigarettes anymore.

It’s a scam and would likely have been used for drink or drugs. And I say that as someone who shares a house with someone who was at times a rough sleeper. He could only think about alcohol when on the streets. He didn’t have some pad to crash in or work as part of a gang - his situation was desperate. I saw where he slept and it was bloody awful. I’m not saying any of this judgementally - I love him dearly - but having access to alcohol kept him on the streets & nearly killed him & I won’t fund that for anyone.

I often donate money to the local charity that funds the rough sleepers team in our city. They do a good job, work closely with addiction services & are of course underfunded. Give the £7.50 to a charity working with rough sleepers.

@Anonychangling exactly. Money doesn't help addiction. Money makes it worse. Addicts asking for money didn't start out that way. They had their own money to begin with and the addiction burned through that, through money their friends and families had whether given or stolen, through every bit of cash they could get their hands on and any money coming to them from other people while in active addiction heads the same way. It's a bottomless pit and bottomless pits stay deep whatever you chuck in them.

it's a sad experience to have OP. I can understand why you feel terrible. every time I say no to someone like this, I feel awful. I have several strategies

1. I offer to buy them food
2. if they wanted a bus ticket or something, I buy it for them
3. sometimes I just give them money even if I suspect they will buy drugs with it because 20 quids worth of drugs or whatever is not going to harm them but if they actually would stay in a hostel for the night etc. them that would help them

And when I say I saw where he slept that’s because I collected him. It will honestly haunt me always. I can’t tell you how bad it was. He was very vulnerable at that time & didn’t need money for alcohol - it was very close to killing him. But it was the rough sleepers team who directly got him out of that situation.

Whether someone is scamming or vulnerable the money is better off going to those doing direct work. Although buying food is a good alternative if you want to do something more direct.

This.

Sorry, but I also think it's a scam. As for it not being my business how they spend the money, I disagree. I'm not interested in paying for someone's fix, no matter how much they may want it or how hard life is for them at the moment. I'm simply not going to give cash, so I don't engage. If you want to do something to help, donating to a charity seems like a better way. Otherwise, let it go.