Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anger and sadness at this interaction with homeless person

361 replies

BlueCupOrangeCup · 09/01/2024 23:35

Tonight, a polite homeless man named Kevin told me he secured a spot in a 12-week program at St Mungo's after a year of homelessness. He needed £7.50 urgently to go there tonight and had been trying all day. Skeptical, I regretfully declined, later realizing he might have been genuine.

I'm replaying the whole conversation in my head and now I think I recall him almost bursting into tears as he asked if there was any way at all I could help him.

This one might have been genuine and I'm so disgusted with myself.

I could have helped. I had a £5 note in my purse....and I am fortunate enough that I wouldn't miss it or notice it gone.

And at the same time I'm also so angry at scammers of this thing. If someone stood in front of you asking begging for a small amount of money to help them and you knew it was genuine OF COURSE all of us would help! But genuine people don't get the help they need because scammers make people have attitudes like mine tonight.

There is no way to phone st Mungo's now to 'pre pay' for Kevin should he turn up tonight....meanwhile I'm going home to sleep in my warm bed and work my lovely job tomorrow.

Poor Kevin, I'm sorry I didn't help you.

OP posts:
Banquet · 10/01/2024 05:41

As mentioned above homelessness is often very complex. Op is there a local night shelter where you live that you can donate the £7.50 or gift it to St Mungos? I volunteer at my local night shelter and any donations are very welcome.

FeliciousM · 10/01/2024 05:51

Oh dear. You lot really have no idea do you? I do. I know. I was on the streets at 17. Human trafficking is greatly exaggerated for a start. Greatly. As is the kind of fraud you are excusing your own lack of empathy with. Even when people beg to fund an addiction, you really think their life is better than yours? That they are luckier than you? I don't know what to tell you OP....but I'm disgusted by what I see in these comments. Echo chambers are real. The fake bourgeois left is real....and they lack empathy to an extraordinary extent.

user1492757084 · 10/01/2024 05:59

I try to provide the thing that they are asking for.
I can't abide paying for drugs, alcohol or cigarettes and I never give cash except to charities.

Food - hand delivered a hot vegetarian pizza, fruit.
Dog food - handed over a bag of dry dog food
Shelter for a swaggie - pointed out and offered hayshed
Food for swaggie - bag of non perishables and a hot chicken
Warmth - have given second hand puffer jacket, blankets

I donate to charities that provide travel laundries, swags, mental health services and The Salvation Army and Uniting Care and Anglicare amongst others.

You were not selfish but rather, sensible.

Wintersun1xxx · 10/01/2024 06:08

Interestingly just before Christmas the opposite happened to me. A homeless man was sitting outside of our local supermarket. It was a freezing night & I stopped on my way out wished him well & as it was Christmas gave him £5. I walked on & although he looked really genuine I couldn't get the fact he might have been a scammer out of my head.

Mistymornin · 10/01/2024 06:12

I never give money. Any homeless outside a supermarket, I would buy them a sandwich and some fruit

sawnotseen · 10/01/2024 06:19

I'm sad that you walked away, but I understand your reasons for doing so. Ive posted about this before. I , met a young man last winter., outside a McDonald's. He wasn't asking for money but it was really cold and I went got him a meal. I sat with him, listened to his sad story. I'm in outer London, he was from Nottingham. He had been led to London by someone who had then abandoned him. He was 21. Younger than my kids. He'd had a falling out with his parents and left in a tantrum - he had recently come out as gay and was drinking too much. He was naive and followed another man to London who abandoned him. His phone had been stolen. He was broken. Following my gut, I took him back to my house, I just wanted him to be warm, clean and fed! We found a couple of his friends via my SM, they got in touch with his mum and she called him. He stayed a few days and cleaned and tidied, perfect guest! We talked a lot. He and his mum had a lovely chat. I got him a coach ticket back home. His mum was very grateful. They keep in touch. He now has a job in a garden centre and things are good with his mum and dad.

Justcallmebebes · 10/01/2024 06:22

Changedasouting · 09/01/2024 23:38

Yet you were bang out of order. It’s £7,5 you wouldn’t miss it why wouldn’t you help. Even if he was gonna piss it up a wall his life isn’t good he might need the outlet

Well it's not the OP's responsibility to provide that outlet and she wasn't bang out of order at all. £7.50 is a fair amount and I bet the majority of us wouldn't have handed it over either

sawnotseen · 10/01/2024 06:23

Those on the streets are not all scammers. I've been out in winter handing out essentials to those who are homeless through my friend's charity
Robhillfoundation.org - the stories are heartbreaking

Mcemmabell · 10/01/2024 06:24

I've had a similar situation happen to me. I now donate to Shelter because I know that money will be used to help people.

rainydaysandwednesdays · 10/01/2024 06:25

He was almost crying as he needed his fix. Don't feel guilty.

JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 10/01/2024 06:25

There’s a very plausible beggar in Bath who drives a two year old BMW….. happened to follow him one day as I went back to my car.
I couldn’t believe my eyes!

Simplepink · 10/01/2024 06:25

Well it was almost definitely he spun you a line but does it matter.
also all you “I’ll only buy them food” people, do you understand there’s only so many co-op misery butties one homeless person can eat in a day! Particularly if they have addiction issues appetite is likely to be small.
talk to them, ask them what they want and need.
if they want money and want to use £2 I give them towards a score then so be it. Rather that than they end up mugging your nan cause they’re desperate.

Ggttl · 10/01/2024 06:27

My brother has had occasional periods of going missing. I doubt he would beg as he hates interacting with people. He might spend the money on food or he might spend it on alcohol. He is better off than many because he doesn’t take drugs. The alcohol could make him more dangerous though. He has had housing but he doesn’t always feel able to stay in it. He is usually picked up by the police or he goes to the police station for help and then they get hold of the mental health team. People sleeping rough are having a very tough time but I wouldn’t give them money. I give direct to charities or buy them a hot drink. Obviously, paying taxes is the main thing that helps as it pays for the police, social services, mental health team and housing.

AhBiscuits · 10/01/2024 06:29

He would have spent it on drugs, don't give it another thought.

sawnotseen · 10/01/2024 06:31

Please don't think that all homeless people are addicts - yes many are, often as an escape from their life.
There's a homeless man near where I live and is known well locally. He's a talented artist and and avid reader - we have a FB group to support him.

quisensoucie · 10/01/2024 06:33

@Boomboom22 You are the milk of human kindness aren't you?

sawnotseen · 10/01/2024 06:34

Upsets me the lack of empathy and understanding here

sawnotseen · 10/01/2024 06:39

The young homeless man that I took in and re connected him with his family, is so grateful, as are his mum and dad.
I will never regret my decision bringing him back and my adult kids know humility and that not everyone has the charmed life that they lead.

ohdamnitjanet · 10/01/2024 06:40

OhBumBags · 09/01/2024 23:56

If you read my previous post you'll see I'm doing anything but missing the point.

I'm talking about being intuitive when it comes to who I think is real and who isn't.

And if I think an addict is in real need of a drink or a fix and they really are homeless, I don't give a shit if that's what they spend it on.

I've no right to judge from my warm, addiction free home.

@OhBumBags absolutely spot on.

ClaireEclair · 10/01/2024 06:43

Changedasouting · 09/01/2024 23:38

Yet you were bang out of order. It’s £7,5 you wouldn’t miss it why wouldn’t you help. Even if he was gonna piss it up a wall his life isn’t good he might need the outlet

St Myngos don’t charge so her instincts were right.

ohdamnitjanet · 10/01/2024 06:44

Abouttoblow · 10/01/2024 00:51

Why aren't you inviting them into your home and feeding and housing them?

@Abouttoblow don’t be deliberately stupid.

quisensoucie · 10/01/2024 06:44

Some responses on here are disgusting. None of you know how close you can be to homelessness
It happens so easily: you are so judgemental
If this is the attitude your children are learning from you...

OssomMummy1 · 10/01/2024 06:48

I would never give free handout to anyone; well, at least not so far. No one has managed to convince me that they are worth it. In cold weather, I have bought a cuppa for the person sleeping rough outside my regular coffee shop, on my way to work at 6am. My workplace is very close to St George's crypt and we donate money every christmas instead of christmas party as too many one month fasting people in my office than the people celebrating Christmas and Easter.

Sothisiit · 10/01/2024 06:48

I rarely give beggers money, but do offer to get a drink or something to eat.
I think it's better to support a charity that assists the homeless and vulnerable such as the Salvation army, shelter etc. A monthly donation can provide sustained help and the charity can target those known to need help.
Phoney beggers aren't likely to turn up to a charity run hostel, they're tucked up in their housing association accommodation after driving home in their car.

sawnotseen · 10/01/2024 06:49

Agree @quisensoucie - where is the love?

Swipe left for the next trending thread