Does this group of friend disrespect me or am I being sensible?

[bejadreamstoreality]

Does this group of friend disrespects me or am I being sensible?

We, a group of friends are planning to go to a 2 day festival. We are around 15 people. It takes 2 hours to drive, we will stay in 2 apartments and will come back together when it's finished. We are making all plans and everything in a group chat. We will be going there in 5 different cars.

One of the participants asked: are we all going to follow each other driving there in a line?

I replied: these lines are sometimes a distraction when we have to make sure we are close to each other. I think it's better if we all go and meet at the destination.

I was not satisfied with the way they responded to me.

A girl replied: whoever orders the take-off is Commander and Co-Pilot, the remaining crew follow the trio.

Another boy said: what do you mean to be distracted? We motivate each other along the way. I'm from #teamfollowinline!

I don't know. I think it was a little abrupt. They could speak in a more friendly way. Because I already have bad experience with this group. Sometimes I find them a little childish. I'm thinking about giving up going.

What do you think about that?

They don’t sound disrespectful. You sound like you don’t like them so you view what they say through that lens. If it was a work chat you could think it’s a bit jokey but it’s a group of pals going to a fun event - they are allowed to be jokey, even if you don’t personally find it funny. The first person doesn’t even sound like she’s replying to you, but to the person who suggested the line. The second person doesn’t agree with you, which is allowed.
If I was one of the drivers then I would happily leave together and make an effort to stay within a mile or so of the others and meet at the services together etc. without driving like an arse, jumping lights, unnecessarily overtaking or driving too fast/slow. I wouldn’t be up for driving bonnet to bumper but I think that’s unlikely that that is what they mean. I’m not one of the drivers though and neither are you.

You're a passenger so I wouldn't say anything, just leave them to it.

I personally would have thought all the messages were jokes, including the initial one about following in a line.

It sounds like you've overreacted here - you were blunt to start with and are now upset that someone disagreed with you.
However it does sound like you don't actually like these people, so you should reconsider whether you continue to socialise with them.

It sounds to me that you actually don’t like the people you are going with so I don’t understand why you are going? Agree with others, as a passenger you unfortunately don’t have a say in the matter.

We always say, whoever drives decides the route (and whether they follow others or not) and I think this may not be a group for you any more.

In practical terms OP.. am I correct in thinking that this is something that will be happening in the summer?
If so, there's months before this is happening and its very likely that plans and arrangements will be changing and evolving several times before then.

In a big group of 15 people on Whats App, people are always keen to joke. I really doubt that they put much thought into their comments at all and that there was a malicious intent.
It could also be that they are not meaning a strict definition of "convoy" as in all five cars lined up behind each other all the way there. Im sure that it wouldn't work like that in practical terms. So maybe they are calling it a convoy as a jokey shorthand reference to describe the group travelling to the same event at roughly the same time of day. I think most drivers would take the idea with a large pinch of salt anyway and drive in the way that suits them.

Most of this has come about because you have safety concerns. Do you know the potential drivers? There will probably be a pre trip get together. There's no particular reason to assume they will not drive safely. The convoy thing is a silly idea and its possible that the two people messaging about it aren't even driving themselves and don't understand what they are talkingabout.

If you are really worried, most festivals have coach travel, train travel and extra shuttle buses to the site so it usually is easy to get there. You might be more comfortable doing that.

But personally, I really would just ignore these two remarks and let it go. It sounds like no one else responded, so they probably also thought they were silly. There's ages to go before the event. Festivals are really good fun there is so much to see and do. Maybe go to the festival website to get an idea of how it operates or seek out the chat groups from festival goers to get advice on what to pack etc... and focus on one or two people in the group that you do get on with.

If there are any more remarks... dont rise to the bait and let it spoil your trip. Its a joint event and no one is the boss.

they sound like they're just having fun?

However, all following each other for two hours is a mad idea

It just sounds like they're trying to make the conversation fun and probably excited at the prospect of a large group going.
I agree with you that trying to keep each other in sight is silly, if that's what they mean. If it had been a longer trip then you could have all agreed to stop at the same service station but two hours in nothing for a drive.

You all sound odd tbh, but I don’t think they were rude no.

I don’t think they sound odd at all. Going in convoy is fairly normal stuff. Sounds like they are just excited to me and having fun.

i don’t understand the ops position though, she comes across a bit uptight, But these are her friends and she’s giving it that they are not her kind of people and childish , like she feels she should be in charge and is superior. She’s clearly not joining in with the group.

Wagon travelling is a stupid idea, but clearly they can't see that and I agree that their response is a bit childish (I would assume early 20s?)

But I don't think they were rude per se, they wrote as they speak, and it comes across a bit abrupt without the tone/body language to soften it up. It's often the case with large WhatsApp group.

Any road leading to a festival will be busy. Good luck staying in a convoy. Idiotic idea!

I would be interested to know how the group find the OP's communications generally. While I don't agree that their responses are disrespectful of the OP, depending on context, I could read it as putting them back in their box.

If I was one of the drivers, even though I don't like driving in convoy, I would be pissed off at a non-driver trying to make the rules. Especially so far in advance. So I might make a slightly snippy comment that it's for the driver to decide, and I wonder if the commander comment was in this vein?

If I was driving I wouldn't be able to stay in a line with 5 people as it would stress me out too much. For me, as a nervous driver, it would be dangerous. So if I was driving I would have to say really sorry but I won't be able to cope with that. My friends all know I struggle with driving. I'm happy to drive them around but it's done in my own way. If they are driving then they can do whatever they want and if that's going in a line that's completely fine. I just couldn't do it as the driver so I think it's drivers choice and if people want a lift they don't really have a say. Yes it's weird of me but I genuinely can't help it.

OP, is English your first language? And if English is your first language, do you often struggle to understand when people are joking or being lighthearted?

Your friends are not being rude or difficult in any way whatsoever. They're just expressing an opinion in a jokey, funny way. It's not offensive at all.

They are also correct that the people driving should be the ones who decide whether to drive in a line or not - it's whatever makes it easier for them. If you think you won't be safe in the car with them, then don't travel with them.

You are making this incredibly over-complicated and you are seeing offence where none is meant. You are the difficult one in this group.

I mean, Most of the car events i go to (maybe 15-20 a year?) we go in convoys much larger than 5 cars. It can be done safely, we do. Have done for the past 20 years.

Thank you everybody for your input!! I guess it is a mix of things.

1. I have seen a very bad accident happen between family members following each other. I guess that is one reason why I reacted and said I dont like the idea.
2. I see some people here telling me since I am not the driver I have no say about it. I dont agree with that. I'm not the driver but I am in the car. My friends are in the car. I offered an opinion for improvement. I wasn't ordering anything. I said "I think it can be distracting.". We are allowed to give opinions.
3. I agree that I am an over sensitive person and have trouble taking criticism. I also been taking things too seriously.
4. They really were abrupt. Especially because I have experiences where they were really abrupt in the past. It is like if I do a mistake they really hold me accountable for it, while if a different friend does the mistake they embrace them. I have negative past experiences with them and I can easily get triggered around them. Some of them were best friends in my childhood but then for some reason some became very envious of me and started mistreating and rejecting me. I dont hang out with them so often, trying to make new friends. But I still had so much experience with them in my childhood so it is hard to completely let go. Sometimes it is still fun to be around them but I am trying to minimize it.
5. Some people said that when they said driving in convoy it doesnt strictly mean driving in convoy. Sometimes it is just for the fun of it of having a chat on whatsapp. I get that too. Maybe I didnt really need to react, they would probably just notice that it is actually not a good idea on the day.
6. I think I just dont really want to go to the festival. I have been partying too much. I just want to rest now. There is not many people in this group of friend I feel comfortable with. So yeah.

I agree with you. Trying to maintain a convoy of 5 cars over a long distance is distracting. Also unnecessary and a bit childish if they think its important for the fun. Which I think is the issue. You seem more down to earth and practical than the two people who replied to you, so I think its more an issue of different personality types than anyone being disrespectful. I'd be interested in how you gel over a two day festival tbh.

If you don't want to go to the festive then that's the easy answer, just don't go.

Unfortunately your initial message didn't come across (to me at least) as offering an opinion, instead it sounded like you making a decision for everyone, which is why things may not have been positive from there.

In your shoes I'd sell my ticket (if possible) and find a different group to social with.

You are right about the dangers of convoy driving but wrong about 'disrespect' in the responses.

It sounds as if you are inclined to read their responses in a negative way and that you expect some kind of attack. You don't like and trust these people.

If you are not driving, then it’s not up to you to decide how the driver travels. You can disagree, which isn’t disrespecting them or them disrespecting you, but ultimately, it’s up to the drivers.

You should get yourself there and then you can decide how you travel. Do you drive, @bejadreamstoreality ?

It's sounds like you've outgrown them

Don't go and stop doing things with them because you really don't like them

Going short distances with friends on regular roads, I'll convoy and have sat nav on just incase. However 2 hours I wouldn't bother as I might want to drive a bit faster or slower than the person in front etc so would rather just make my own way there.

I don’t think there’s anything disrespectful in the messages you’ve shared.

I think your previous issues with this group are colouring your perception.