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Original poster

Does this group of friend disrespect me or am I being sensible?

161 replies

bejadreamstoreality · 09/01/2024 22:40

Does this group of friend disrespects me or am I being sensible?

We, a group of friends are planning to go to a 2 day festival. We are around 15 people. It takes 2 hours to drive, we will stay in 2 apartments and will come back together when it's finished. We are making all plans and everything in a group chat. We will be going there in 5 different cars.

One of the participants asked: are we all going to follow each other driving there in a line?

I replied: these lines are sometimes a distraction when we have to make sure we are close to each other. I think it's better if we all go and meet at the destination.

I was not satisfied with the way they responded to me.

A girl replied: whoever orders the take-off is Commander and Co-Pilot, the remaining crew follow the trio.

Another boy said: what do you mean to be distracted? We motivate each other along the way. I'm from #teamfollowinline!

I don't know. I think it was a little abrupt. They could speak in a more friendly way. Because I already have bad experience with this group. Sometimes I find them a little childish. I'm thinking about giving up going.

What do you think about that?

OP posts:
NewName24 · 09/01/2024 23:28

It's a little bit of banter.

We, a group of friends are planning to go to a 2 day festival. We are around 15 people. It takes 2 hours to drive, we will stay in 2 apartments and will come back together when it's finished

This ^ is going to be a nightmare for you, if you are taking umbridge at people in the group having a laugh on the group chat.

Spomsored · 09/01/2024 23:30

Sounds like some of them are just a bit excited. Not disrespectful to you, but the decision to drive in convoy or not will be up to the 5 drivers

WandaWonder · 09/01/2024 23:30

I would stay home work through your issues and hopefully realise it is not all about you

Fourecks · 09/01/2024 23:33

They're just bantering. Disagreeing with you is not being disrespectful.

I think it can be part of the fun to all leave from the same place together. The drivers need to be sensible and not be tied to literally staying in a line, but that can be part of the fun - one gets through a set of lights and the others don't, and everyone in the remaining cars groan, only to catch up again later on.

Agapornis · 09/01/2024 23:41

Will you be a driver? Only the driver gets to decide how to get there safely.

Testina · 09/01/2024 23:44

“ I think it was a little abrupt. They could speak in a more friendly way. “

Both you and the boy sound like your (very good) English is not your first language. Possibly the girl too. It’s hard to judge texts anyway, but definitely if not first language.

That said, they still don’t sound abrupt or disrespectful. It’s just a conversation!

MyrrAgain · 09/01/2024 23:45

I think they're just having a laugh, not being overly critical towards you. I agree with you that trying to stay in a line might distract from the driving and drivers shouldn't be focusing on where car no.2 has gone etc though! But I'd just post a 😂 in response and leave it at that....

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/01/2024 23:54

On the face of your post, I think you are being a bit oversensitive. Unless there is a back story about them disrespecting you.

In these group situations, just decide what you want to do and do that. No need to explain or justify.

The girl's comment was def a joke and not at your expense.. She was actually mocking the idea that the 5 cars going in a line was a convoy. The boy's comment what do you mean distracted? was a little bit crap tbh, but not bad enough for you to cancel the whole trip just because of him! Especially as they were the only two who said anything out of the entire group.

If neither of them are drivers, that would explain a lot. They simply don't understand. Also I think if they'd said it to you, it would probably have come across differently and probably sounded like more of a joke.

You are quite right about the safety aspect. I can imagine the other four drivers would be rolling their eyes at the convoy idea and probably just thinking Yes Dear, whilst doing exactly what they want.
You should ignore this and do what you want.
It's not Top Gear.
Go to the festival and enjoy yourself OP.

pinkdelight · 10/01/2024 00:07

It's not a matter of respect. It's just preferences. Keep it light. Say something like "ha ha, sounds like the convoy works for you but I'm better following the satnav so I'll see you there. Can't wait!"

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 10/01/2024 00:09

Your question is odd because it's conflating two issues. They aren't being disrespectful, they're just bantering, and also you are being sensible in your opinion.

You gave your opinion including safety and they replied with their own opinions, they didn't disrespect you (like by calling you names etc, imagine "Well. Mommy Beja has spoken. We better not do it or she'll call the police!")

Mentioning their genders is unnecessary tbh

And you line about them being childish makes me think you've decided you are more mature than them and don't like their banter any more. Which is fine. Just move on. But don't take offence where it isn't.

Thisseatisnotavailable · 10/01/2024 00:19

5 cars in convoy is a ridiculous idea, you'd never be able to stay together. I wouldn't get overly offended at their comments though, I think you're reading a bit too much into them.

FannyFarting · 10/01/2024 00:24

Surely you all do what you prefer? You’re all entitled to an opinion

Sparklybanana · 10/01/2024 00:35

I think they re just ignoring you rather than disrespecting you. It's hard enough to keep 2 cars in convoy so keeping 5 cars together will be almost impossible unless you drive something obviously grouping you. I'd just go with the flow. If you're driving, you're driving so who cares?

Original poster
bejadreamstoreality · 10/01/2024 00:37

Its not about that. Its the way they communicate. When you reply saying whoever decides is the boss the rest follows it is not nice. Im not driving Im a passenger but it is normal im concerned for my safety. Also it is like she is saying shut up you have no say.

OP posts:
Original poster
bejadreamstoreality · 10/01/2024 00:38

yes you are right. They are def not my kind of people. I mean I was childhood friends with some of them but I feel a bit different now.

OP posts:
howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 10/01/2024 00:39

Just agree with whatever they say, then get separated on the way and do what you want.

RandomButtons · 10/01/2024 00:41

Is English your first language OP? If so it’s excellent but your phrasing reminds me of my German friends way of speaking. I think you’re reading too much into the responses.

Youre right about driving in convoy though.

Original poster
bejadreamstoreality · 10/01/2024 00:41

why

OP posts:
Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 10/01/2024 00:41

If you're not even driving, you probably should've stayed out of it.

I'm another one who doesn't see anything abrupt in what they wrote.

And they weren't responding to YOU, they were responding to the person who asked the question about what they preferred.

Macaroni46 · 10/01/2024 00:42

bejadreamstoreality · 10/01/2024 00:37

Its not about that. Its the way they communicate. When you reply saying whoever decides is the boss the rest follows it is not nice. Im not driving Im a passenger but it is normal im concerned for my safety. Also it is like she is saying shut up you have no say.

Kindly OP, you're being over sensitive. The message about commander and co-pilot is meant to be a joke.

Fionaville · 10/01/2024 00:45

Your being overly sensitive to the messages.
I do agree with you about convoy driving though. But I'd still set off together, put the address on Google maps, if you lose each other, no big deal.

Quitelikeit · 10/01/2024 00:45

I think they are saying it’s up to the drivers of each car what they do

of course it’s unrealistic to expect five cars to stick together but that is kind of obvious

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/01/2024 00:49

It sounds like you already have an issue with the girl who was talking about Commanders and Co-pilots? because if not then it still doesn't sound like she's saying you have to obey the boss. but perhaps you are being sensitive because she's made similar comments to you in the past? if not then I'd let this one go.

You are right, it is a safety issue. Do you know whose car you would be in? Are they a sensible person? Could you have a quiet word with them? Most drivers would agree its not safe to drive in a 5 car convoy and unnecessary too since you all have sat navs and mobiles. In any case, following even one car is often impractical/impossible on a motorway so its unlikely to happen anyway.

I think it really is just all talk, and no one is really going to stick to it, but its a group of 15 and this was just two people, so hopefully you can be in a different car.

Don't let these comments in themselves stop you from taking part.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 10/01/2024 00:53

She didn't say who've decided was boss
She was making a joke of sorts about "rank" and basically saying when you set off, the person who was in front and went "right let's roll out" would be Commander

SD1978 · 10/01/2024 00:53

Your response was a tad abrupt. If you're not comfortable being a passenger then make your own way. I'd rather go as a group, but I'd also use my own GPS. I'd imagine most people do this.