Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say to DH that these payments to his ex should stop now?

505 replies

yardandbard · 09/01/2024 19:16

When me and DH first met he has a set up with his ex (who was single at the time and on a lower wage) where he'd contribute towards her going on holiday every year with their children. There was no maintenance paid as they've always done 50:50 but he used to pay towards her holidays.

We've now been together for nearly 6 years and this is still ongoing. Its not just expected and imo should stop. DH has made suggestions before in the past that it stops but it's always met with complaints and kick offs and to keep the peace he ends up carrying on for another year.

The ex is now with someone else herself and has been for a couple of years, we also have joint DC to think about too, a bigger home than before etc etc.. all meaning spare money isn't as easily found as it was before. Its not that it's not affordable but more that the money could be used for more important things for OUR family and in my opinion she should now be supporting her own holidays with her own job and partner if she wants to go away, I've always thought the arrangement was odd and a bit cheeky but I lived with it at first. Now I just think it's ridiculous.

Aibu to say to DH this really needs to stop now? He'll agree with me as he's wanted to stop for a while but I know she'll likely moan she can't go away with the children otherwise so it's just about getting him to keep saying no despite the fall out.

OP posts:
Nanaof1 · 13/01/2024 17:23

confusedbythesystem · 13/01/2024 16:28

@Nanaof1 seems a bit too involved in this. Are you the parent of the OP by any chance?

Since we are different nationalities, I doubt that. But hey, if facts don't matter to you, dream up lies. It suits you. 🙄

P.S. Not a SM or an EX of anyone either, so save your breath. Just calling out BS and entitled twits when I come across them. I also defend people who are getting piled on by TWs and CBEWs, especially when they start making up scenarios that don't exist and passing them off as truth. I despise liars.

Are you another of the countless bitter exes by any chance? No need to answer. 😆

AcrossthePond55 · 13/01/2024 18:47

@yardandbard

As long as your DH agreed with you with no 'pressure' on your part, I'm glad you reached an agreement and that he's taken action.

Have the two of you discussed what the DSC will be told when Mum tells them 'Dad doesn't care enough about you to contribute to our holidays anymore', 'Dad won't pay for our holiday because he wants more money to spend on your half siblings' or 'this is all Yard's doing, she doesn't like you' or words to that effect? I'd want to have a couple of ready made answers, because I'm sure she'll put the worst possible spin on it.

Alicesmagicmushroom · 14/01/2024 08:04

@confusedbythesystem that was my thought too, the aggression is if the scale. It’s weird.

Alicesmagicmushroom · 14/01/2024 08:31

@AcrossthePond55 really?

FairFuming · 14/01/2024 18:18

Lots of mumsnetters hate stepmums so no matter what you'd said there would be lots of people saying you were in the wrong.

But no. Its insane that she's asking for money so she can take them on luxury holidays, thousands as a contribution? That's more then our whole holiday costs! Manipulative/controlling people will always find a way to keep a little control if they can and it sounds like this is her way of doing it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page