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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there are a lot of nasty people on Mumsnet?

287 replies

Poile · 09/01/2024 14:31

Just that.

Have seen so many directly aggressive and passively aggressive comments on here that it makes me think that many mumsnetters are just plain nasty. Assuming to due to unhappiness with own life.

Some examples stick out - when people ask to guess their age some of the guesses are just rude and over the top inaccurate. One poster even questioned a person’s gender even stating they had thick eyebrows which were not groomed due to depression. The disingenuous of “please don’t think I’m being rude but …”.

Also saw someone ask for help with their curtains and the amount of snide remarks was shocking.

I also think a lot of people in here think their way is best and the only way. Insufferable.

To me the people who will kick a person when they are down just seems disproportionately high. Obviously the fact it’s an anonymous forum adds to this.

OP posts:
kisstheblarney · 09/01/2024 19:54

Poile · 09/01/2024 17:51

The subreddits I’m on are not negative - r/space, r/h3productions, r/books. I’m not saying Reddit in its entirety is toxicity free.

Mumsnetters often jump on a point and extrapolate to the nth degree - totally misrepresenting the initial point as a result

Edited

Lots of Mumsnet boards are the same?

Travel, sporner corner etc!

What's your point?

Fionaville · 09/01/2024 19:57

Yes I think so. But at the same time people will post an AIBU, and you give your honest opinion then you get jumped on for it.

JenniferBooth · 09/01/2024 19:59

Post about living in social housing OR if you need to go to A&E and you will see it.

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 20:09

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/01/2024 19:09

At many universities, there are debating societies where people argue with each other as a hobby. If joining the Oxford Union is a legitimate hobby, why can't arguing on here be a legitimate hobby?

Show quote history

Debaters in that sort of context are expected to debate constructively and research their points. Stuff like 'YABU and weird what sort of person would even think that? You sound unhinged OP' wouldn't exactly fly at the Oxford Union.

NonPlayerCharacter · 09/01/2024 20:11

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 20:09

Debaters in that sort of context are expected to debate constructively and research their points. Stuff like 'YABU and weird what sort of person would even think that? You sound unhinged OP' wouldn't exactly fly at the Oxford Union.

Show quote history

But that's not to say it was never attempted.

Asosbabe · 09/01/2024 20:14

Lots of trolls. Some very sad people on here

Wooloohooloo · 09/01/2024 20:22

I think if someone posts asking their age on an open internationally used forum, that's their own fault.

SheFliesLikeABirdInTheSky · 09/01/2024 20:27

bringincrazyback · 09/01/2024 18:03

Totally agree OP. AIBU at any rate. It's like some people just cannot bear the fact that not everyone thinks and acts the same way. The levels of vitriol against introverts, hidden disabilities, people who don't work, even people that don't answer the bloody door. And of course people who 'sound weird', heaven forbid.

But this being Mumsnet, any attempt to call out the nastiness is eventually met with the oh-so-edgy retort of 'Netmums is that way hun', in fact someone will probably have posted it by the time I submit this, along with 'just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to be nice' and assorted sneers about 'be kind'.

And before anyone asks what I'm doing on here if I hate it so much, I don't hate it at all. Other parts of MN are nicer and more constructive and I've learned a lot, and had a lot of support, from people on MN. But I think AIBU is problematic, despite the fact that I often get drawn into it despite myself. It's probably the main cash cow and drawer-in of MN, but also the main negative about the site due to the sheer toxicity. IMO anyway.

This. ^

SheFliesLikeABirdInTheSky · 09/01/2024 20:28

@Poile YANBU OP.

iamstrugglingalot · 09/01/2024 20:31

JenniferBooth · 09/01/2024 19:59

Post about living in social housing OR if you need to go to A&E and you will see it.

Or... post an issue / frustration / worry about your teenage child, especially if you've got other younger children too. You'll be accused of hating your older child and "replacing" them and such things. Bonus points if the younger child has a different father - there's extra special vitriol for that.

Mumof2NDers · 09/01/2024 20:43

Redcar78 · 09/01/2024 16:20

You're not wrong OP, we can't have those pesky women saying what they mean when they're supposed to be being kind all over the place, disgusting 🤦

You can disagree with someone without being a twat though.

Handitback · 09/01/2024 20:47

iamstrugglingalot · 09/01/2024 20:31

Or... post an issue / frustration / worry about your teenage child, especially if you've got other younger children too. You'll be accused of hating your older child and "replacing" them and such things. Bonus points if the younger child has a different father - there's extra special vitriol for that.

Show quote history

It’s not just me who has noticed this then! Only not just teens. Anyone with more than one child gets a load of hate here.

Newsenmum · 09/01/2024 20:54

Avoid AIBU like the plague. Mumsnetters love jumping on there to go YES YABU or Um NO OBVIOUSLY YANBU YOU IDIOT. It’s never nice.

I agree that pregnancy, infertility and parenting type stuff is more constructive.

Newsenmum · 09/01/2024 20:56

Topics where you will not get support:

  • you are trans/non binary or want to support someone who is
  • even vaguely pro surrogacy
  • Being a SAHM
  • Wanting more than 2 children

The rest is more varied and you get a wider range of views more in line with the general population.

Ladysodor · 09/01/2024 21:01

Must admit to reading AIBU for a laugh most of the time, it’s ridiculous! You’re right, it’s an online playground full of bullies and berks!

Meowandthen · 09/01/2024 21:03

namelessnameface · 09/01/2024 14:59

No seriously, it's women. I would never imagine a man to behave how some of the grown women behave on here. It's comical

Show quote history

Internalised misogyny. Men are regularly rude, patronising and aggressive online.

iamstrugglingalot · 09/01/2024 21:41

You can disagree with someone without being a twat though.

Exactly! Shame not many people appear to be particularly skilled at this.

Dutch1e · 09/01/2024 22:03

Poile · 09/01/2024 14:54

I’m just hoping to understand. I’m on many Reddit threads and don’t witness it there

Interesting that you say that. I've recently left Reddit (and all other social media apart from this site, if Mumsnet counts as social media) precisely because of the tiresome snark from people who pretend there is no nuance in life.

Maybe it's the subs (or Facebook groups) I joined. It just ground me down.

To your original point though, yes, I think there are an awful lot of commenters here who are only looking for a fight. There have been a few zombie threads randomly resurrected lately and reading how many conversations actually evolved in an organic way without immediately leaping to "you're a dick." " No, you are" made me a bit nostalgic.

(Edit for typo)

JenniferBooth · 10/01/2024 00:12

@Dutch1e I resurrected an old zombie thread because the HA i rent from was insisting their computer was right and that tenants owed rent when they didnt. Its similar to something big thats all over the press. Felt vindicated so i do think its ok to ressurect threads in some circumstances

saltinesandcoffeecups · 10/01/2024 01:22

ghostyslovesheets · 09/01/2024 15:03

Well being a bit rude to someone asking about curtains is hardly kicking somebody when they’re down - unless they wanted to know how to wrap a body in them.

the guess my age posts are just tedious attention seeking and people will take the piss.

there are many supportive threads as well.

the site is moderated so just report posts and let MN judge if they break guidelines 🤷‍♀️

Ironically the “how to hide a body” thread was quite genial 🤣🤨

DeeCeeCherry · 10/01/2024 01:30

Too often its hard to find threads that don't descend into nastiness. I can't stand the ones where OP is called unhinged, hysterical etc. Really derogatory. If a man landed here and called women that there'd be howls of Sexist!!

Mutters123 · 10/01/2024 01:56

It’s like real life really, some are great, most are ok but there are some real cunts out there! You can disagree with someone without being a twat about it.

I had one poster who seemed to be stalking me. She was unhinged with outrageous views (not sure if it was a troll) and for a few weeks she replied to virtually every comment I made. I did report it and it stopped. If she was genuine and is still on here under a different username (and not banned!) she’s clearly realised the error of her ways!

Tilllly · 10/01/2024 01:56

Forgottenmyphone · 09/01/2024 14:37

yanbu, but I’ve also received a lot of support, and night watch is a life saver

Night watch?

theprincessthepea · 10/01/2024 01:59

It’s the keyboard warriors. You have to be thick skinned to put yourself out there on the internet. I always hope those on the receiving end do not take the Nast comments personally.

Plumtop11 · 10/01/2024 03:02

Yep! I've noticed some really argumentative people too.