To think there are a lot of nasty people on Mumsnet?

[Poile]

Just that.

Have seen so many directly aggressive and passively aggressive comments on here that it makes me think that many mumsnetters are just plain nasty. Assuming to due to unhappiness with own life.

Some examples stick out - when people ask to guess their age some of the guesses are just rude and over the top inaccurate. One poster even questioned a person’s gender even stating they had thick eyebrows which were not groomed due to depression. The disingenuous of “please don’t think I’m being rude but …”.

Also saw someone ask for help with their curtains and the amount of snide remarks was shocking.

I also think a lot of people in here think their way is best and the only way. Insufferable.

To me the people who will kick a person when they are down just seems disproportionately high. Obviously the fact it’s an anonymous forum adds to this.

How long we going for auntyElle

Sorry, @ArabellaScott. I misread and thought you were highlighting the pushback.

As you've clearly demonstrated, people can change from one name to another to post whatever they like as long as it's within talk guidelines.

If this wasn't allowed, many people would think twice about being a dick because then no-one would bother with them.

the second part of that statement is kind of true. The first part made me want to face-palm. If it's within talk guidelines of course it's fine to post.

I don't find the stuff that comes up on Relationships is little. When something seems inconsequential, there's almost always a back story that eventually comes out that shows just how much abuse and fuckery the OP has normalised.

The LTB crew doesn't bother me. Most women don't leave abusive relationships and those that do generally need several attempts. I'm honestly not worried about a mass exodus of women from healthy, happy relationships because of MN. I really don't think it's happening. For all my criticism of the place, a lot of posters have said it was supportive and helpful in leaving an abusive or terrible relationship, and I can't recall anyone who blamed it for leaving their wonderful, loving partner.

People with less active social lives are perhaps more likely to find their connections and socialise online - this I agree with.

But I don’t see how that makes those people more cruel or vindictive online.

I had a similar experience... I ended up spending most of my time explaining why things were NOT as posters were insinuating, and defending myself against the weirdest of accusations. A few posters offered useful insights that did help, but I am not sure the battle scars were worth it!

I realised how difficult it is to convey the whole nature of a relationship when describing it online in words. You can unwittingly give completely the wrong impression, and once someone has read into it and projected their own shit onto it, it seems there's no going back.

I try to bear this in mind when offering advice, because it is too easy to get the wrong end of the stick in a way that would be less likely if, say, you were actually in a room with the person/couple concerned and could actually observe their interactions IRL.

@CatMadam Sometimes you can just tell that they think they’re being so hilarious and clever while sticking the boot

I agree. You can often tell the nasty commenters think they are being skilfully witty.

I remember one OP posting a pic of her in a bikini and was it too skimpy. There were loads of replies until a sharp eyed MNer recognised the pic from a thread years ago and it was pulled as a troll. I mean why would you even bother.

Pretending to be women? Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Anonymous people can snark away to their hearts' content on the internet. You might as well try to stop the tide coming in as try to stop internet snarkiness.

There are clearly a lot of people who come here just to troll/be contrary.

I don't think the examples you give are nasty. If you are asking for an opinion on anything, you should expect to be told the truth even if it is harsh because it's kind of the point of asking isn't it. Ask your friends if the beautician messed up your eyebrows, they will tell you maybe it could be a bit better but you look lovely and they can sort it next time. Ask a stranger on the internet and they will truthfully tell you they look terrible, ask for a refund and go somewhere reputable to sort it out.

There are nasty posts here all the time though but that's life.

What gets me are the people that criticise others for being nasty but themselves do it in the most pursed lipped, bitter and itself nasty way.

What?!

Bonkers - and not true!

I think nastiness stays in the memory more than the helpful and compassionate responses.

I've rarely, if ever, seen unpleasantness on a handhold thread.

The Elderly Parents, SEN, and various health fora are remarkably useful and practical when people need support.

There are some very polarised areas (AIBU and the ones involving animals).

MN is largely where you go, what catches your attention, with occasional squalls and outbreaks in particular areas.

My examples aren’t great. To be honest I lurk most of the time.

A haven for women aged 40-60 😂😂😂

yeah that’ll explain the very active TTC boards, new baby boards and people posting about breast feeding and sleep routines!

also obviously explains all the ageism

People are entitled to their opinion as long as it's not breaking talk guidelines (aka being abusive, which is the focus of this thread). Not sure why these views are "abhorrent" just because you don't agree with them.

Around 20 years ago, myself and few other MNr's met up as complete strangers for a night out - we came from all over the country and it was great. It was a much nicer place back then. Sure you still had some who were particularly odious and condescending even back then and they always had a little team of hangers on but they appear to have largely moved on.

I don't know if I agree that there is a lot of nastiness here - I think there's a certain amount of bluntness that wouldn't fly in real life, but that's not something I think is really wrong. Sometimes we all need to hear it without any sugarcoating. Nobody is compelled to put anything about any aspect of their personal or private life online and if you choose to, the response won't always be nice.

Absolutely.

I name change fairly regularly now as someone followed me to different threads taking the piss out of everything I said after I asked a very normal question on one thread and got ridiculed.

Some of the comments make me wince. It follows the same patterns as well, you don’t have to read an entire OP to know what the nasty comments will be like.

I've had some great support and replies to threads I've posted in the past, from grammatical disagreements to health concerns.

There's always trolls and troublemakers. If you see the same names jumping on people, or derailing threads, then report them. I've done this before.

They mostly hang out in relationships from what I've seen, and apparently the hidden sex topic.

There are more than 30,000 posts every day on Mumsnet. Stands to reason that a proportion of those will be unpleasant.

However - disagreeing with a poster, or being direct in a response, really doesn't equate to nastiness or bullying. A lot of the time, those using these accusations are just offended by responses they've got to their post.

I sometimes post suggestions/advice or opinions that are different from the majority, so 'unpopular'. I am often surprised by other posters' reactions to these when they disagree. I simply say what I think about the particular OP's situation or question. The original poster or other posters are not obliged to agree with it or take any notice of it at all. The vehemence with which some people react to opinions they do not agree with is absurd at times. Some people seem unable to accept that there may be different opinions about a situation, and seem to want to 'prove' that only their view is correct, which seems unreasonable to me. I am not bothered by people disagreeing with me, but I am bothered that they think I am not entitled to have a different opinion to their own. The funniest example of this was on a thread where a relative gave a gift of home made jam and wanted the jar back. The OP thought the request unreasonable. I commented that new jars are expensive (I know because of making home made jam) so the relative's request was not unreasonable. Most people thought the relative unreasonable, fair enough, but the reaction to my alternative view was hilarious - and it just over a jam jar.

I think having children is selfish for many people as it should be. You should havce children because you want them. We are humans and we do selfish things. Why is this abhorrent?