Bratty children and presents

[BrandySnaps1]

Gave my niece (through marriage) a Christmas present. Shes 14. Obsessed with make up, hair, and because of her dad, loves designer. Shes spoilt. 5* holidays, bags, you name it, shes got it or at least wants it.

Gave her some makeup items and she was SO disappointed. She opened it and the look on her face said it all. She expected Armani make up and i got her Boots items. Either way since when have pre-teens because so spoilt? Next time Im not even going to bother.

Anyone else experienced bratty children? How to handle them through gritted teeth. Shouldnt kids at least feign excitment?

She said thank you. It wasn't a great gift. It's hard to buy for 14 year olds and they're generally not the most empathetic humans at this age.

You clearly dislike this family enormously and you don't sound very nice in your posts. I get it, I'd be a bit annoyed too if I were you to only get a disingenuous thanks.

Just back off and leave them to it. It's hour husband's family, not your brother, let him buy gifts etc.

I agree with many PPs, make up is a very personal thing, unless it’s something you know a person is going to like.

I personally am not a particularly materialistic person, however, I do like nice clothes and I especially like nice make up and toiletries (Jo Malone, Molton Brown, Espa, Neom, Urban Decay, MAC, NARS etc, etc, etc).

I know for a fact that if you put a little bit of effort into the gift, you will always be able to find a relatively newly released eyeshadow palette from say Urban Decay for about £20 rather than the RRP of £49. For example, if you googled Urban Decay Ultraviolet palette or Urban Decay Wild West Palette right now, you will get the first for less than £20 and the later for just over. Boots frequently have Too Faced Palettes available on £10 Tuesdays even.

I would struggle to feign excitement at some Boots make up, let alone a 14 year old. Just because she likes decent branded make up doesn’t make her spoilt. If she didn’t say thank you etc then yes, that’s different and rude. But I would say on this occasion, maybe a bit more thought into the likes of the recipient then this one single item would have received a completely different response to a bunch of tat. Ultimately it is the thought that counts, but how much thought or effort did you really, really put into her gift if you were completely honest with yourself?

I think you are very unreasonable.
you know she is really into make up/ skin care and that she likes more expensive stuff yet bought something cheap! I’m an adult and would not be happy if someone bought me something I clearly wouldn’t like or use.

You come across as jealous.

you could have given her money or a gift card for places she likes.

She said thanks and you yourself have admitted that you could be a bit of an arse when you were a teen. I doubt there are many teens who haven’t been from time to time. You seem like you have unrealistic expectations of how teens should react on receiving a present they’re not keen on. She wasn’t rude. I think you are going a bit overboard on this personally. It’s ok to not be overjoyed at a present you don’t love, it’s not ok to be rude and not say thank you for the thought, and she didn’t do the latter. Surely in future it’s easier to either give money or just ask her parents what she actually wants. There are plenty of high end brands that you can get minis of in Sephora cheaply and I’m sure she’d rather have that from a brand she likes than a big version of something she doesn’t.

This is such a warped way of looking at it!!
I just don't understand some of these replies. Genuinely, I just don't get it.

If a grown up got me a present I wasn't thrilled with as a teen, it wouldn't occur to me to think they were 'jealous' or to turn my nose up at it. I would try and make the best of it and my parents had always talked to me about understanding that not everyone can afford certain things and to appreciate someone taking the time to think of you.

Also people set such a low bar of expectations- kids are able to understand and grasp these kinds of general values and attitudes from a young age if you take the time to talk to them. In a few short years this girl will be an adult.

I just don't get it! 🤯

What’s wrong with Bayliss and Harding?

It’s the way op is talking about the child and the things they get and things they do comes across as jealousy to me. Not the gift. The gift seems thoughtless.

@SloaneyPhoney i was actually there on a scholarship and didn’t have the brands. And boy was i reminded of it every day by the delightful girls in my class.

Keep telling yourself that isn’t happening to your child if they’re the one who doesn’t have it. I never told my parents because I appreciated how hard they were working to get me there.

*edit typo

The people on here saying it's fine to spend £50 on some eye shadows!

I don't spend £50 total on makeup in a 3 year period!

Different world. If you want to get ripped off to put crap on to hide your face, you crack on.

I just would never sit there and start judging someone's choice of gift for me. It's like FFs l realise other people have better things to do than sit around thinking of how to pander to my whims. Yeah if it was my husband or mum I might expect them to know me well enough to get something really tailored to me (perhaps!) but not an extended family member. Genuinely I would just think, bless nice of them to think of me. And I would have thought that at 14 too as my parents would not have let me turn out with such an inflated view of myself. Entitlement is a deeply unattractive trait.

Nor do I

At least OP didn't buy Constance Carol for her

But she didn't judge it, according to the OP. She just said thank you and put it to one side presumably because she wasn't enthused by it.

Sounds as if she's being brought up to be a brand snob. Her dad isn't doing her any favours at all. It's a shame she couldn't at least thank you nicely. My older grandchildren (they're actually step-grandchildren) haven't even thanked me for what I bought them this year. Not even a text.

Yes fair enough @Goldbar at least she got a thank you.

Maybe she craves to have attention because she doesn't get much attention which is why maybe her dad gives gifts etc as feels like he is making up for being to busy with work etc. Not very nice to call you niece by marriage name tbh, you don't know what she is dealing with regards to her mum and dad and how she feels, not sure what you actually expected, she said thank you, she is a child

I’m not a kid and even I don’t like to receive gifts that I don’t want. I do, however, smile and say thank you. It’s time to switch to gift cards so niece can get what she wants. Teens are just that way. Doesn’t make her a bad person.

Don’t take your annoyance with your SIL & BIL out on their daughter. It’s not her fault that she goes to private school, gets given designer things or goes on fancy holidays & gets taken to fancy restaurants.

don’t throw money away buying her something you know she doesn’t want - either put more thought into getting her something she will use, or get her a gift voucher so she can choose something herself.

If you don’t want to give her a present, that’s your choice but don’t blame it on her. Take ownership of your own choices.

her just looking disappointed isn’t exactly a bratty reaction. It sounds like you got her something you knew she wouldn’t use (which is a total waste of money) and are disappointed as she didn’t placate your ego enough. Gifts are about giving, not about the giver.

She’s 14 - all 14 year olds covet the latest brands. Her parents have the lifestyle to give her what she wants and you sound bitter. Stop slagging off a child - it’s distasteful and makes you look bad. If money is an issue or you don’t want to add to the view that she’s being overindulged, get her some nice chocolates. Makeup was an odd gift.

Vouchers or cash for 14 year olds

Why are you even bothering buying this brat anything? I wouldn’t. Nor would I spend time with her or her parents. Let your DH see them if he wants to, if they’re his relatives. I really couldn’t be arsed to spend my valuable time with people like that.

Standard teenage niece/nephew Xmas present when I was growing up was a selection box and a tenner in a card, as chocolate and cash tend to weather fads quite well. Maybe do something like that next time?

Kid doesn't have a great poker face, ok, it's not the same as being a brat though imo.

@BrandySnaps1 I didn’t see anyone say you should buy a more expensive item, but that you may have been better spending the same amount on something smaller from a brand you know she likes, or giving her the money/a gift voucher. When I was a teenager my dad would buy me big sets of cheap makeup because you could get so much more of it for the same £20. I would have preferred one quality mascara or lipstick every time. I did always say thank you though, as I knew his heart was in the right place. Your niece also said thank you.

I don’t think it’s fair to label her a ‘brat’ for this. It sounds like her family might be hard work and 14 is a really tricky age. She is still a growing and developing child and there’s likely some vulnerability and anxiety under the surface. I’d be kinder to her. BIL sounds like a dick though.

14 year old girls don't need serums.

They want certain colours and brands. Always has been the same. Her family budget is high, so her wants are pricey. For my income when my girls wanted Paul Smith, Uggs and hunters, they were expensive for me. A high street pair from a relative wouldn't have been a treat. I used to ask my Mum for M&S champagne truffles, because the boxes were small, she'd get me a big box of their ordinary ones. They wasn't appreciated. I bought Ruby and Millie for their exclusive colours, again expensive for me and a pallet wouldn't have been wanted instead. Presents are supposed to be about who you are buying for. But what people want or give a voucher towards it. She said thanks. She doesn't have to want what you gave her.

Yeah this is a good idea. She will probably still think it's a bit shit (just a guess based on what you've shared) but at least she can use the money. Better to get something safe that you sort of can't get wrong and that you can afford. That way you aren't left feeling irritated too.

Joke’s on her - some Boots stuff, especially the serums, are the dog’s.
Her dad has done her no favours whatsoever. She’s in for a sharp shock sometime down the line, unless he’s going to subsidise her ridiculous demands forever.

Yes her dad's done her no favours allowing her the autonomy to make an independent decision about something that in the grand scheme of things is harming nobody at a time of her life when it's most acceptable for her to be a bit self-indulgent and experimental. Because not allowing her to make financial and social decisions at age 14 is really going to set her up to be a free-thinking and responsible adult when the time comes for her to stand on her own 2 feet ..